Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The show of concern

From My InBox:


A sweet grandmother Telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, 
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" 
The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"
“Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood work just came back normal and her
physician has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."
"Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news." 
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?" 
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shit."

If you like this kind of joke, there is more complied by Hugh Morrison,

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Who said Cemeteries aren't funny?

From My InBox:

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :

Born 1903--Died 1942.

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the

car was on the way down. It was.

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In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up

and no place to go.

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On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in

East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.

Only the  good die young.

=============================

In a London , England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid

but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

=============================

In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:

Anna Wallace

The children of Israel wanted bread,

And the Lord sent them manna.

Clark Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

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In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:

Here lies Johnny Yeast.

Pardon him for not rising.

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In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,

Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

==============================

In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:

Here lays The Kid,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.

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A lawyer's epitaph in England :

Sir John Strange.

Here lies an honest lawyer,

and that is Strange.

=================================

John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,

England , cemetery:

Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,

Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

==================================

In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :

On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

==================================

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls ,

Vermont :

Here lies the body of our Anna,

Done to death by a banana.

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

==================================

On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,

Massachusetts :

Under the sod and under the trees,

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there's only the pod,

Pease shelled out and went to God.

==================================

In a cemetery in England :

Remember man, as you walk by,

As you are now, so once was I.

As I am now, so shall you be,

Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.

Want to read more of such epitaph?  You don't have to go to an eerie graveyard near you.  Find more to read at Amazon.

   

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Something to think about...

Something to think about and wonder if it should be funny.

From My InBox:


99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

I work to buy a car to go to work - strange!

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

and finally (In memory of the two Ronnies) to all married fella's...............

Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.

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If revenge is what you have in mind get this book from Amazon.


Wednesday, April 20, 2016

How to avoid death by PowerPoint

I love watching presentations that are educational because they include images about the subject which make it less boring to follow through.

So, does that mean that each slide should have more images to be interesting?  David JP Phillips has that answered with more useful tips on "How to avoid death by PowerPoint" in this video.

 

If you like that, you can get his book at

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Over the top abundance from the abandoned

Talk about creating abundance out of the abandoned.  This may be one eco-friendly idea that I am not going to adopt soon.
From My InBox:
 toilet


Sunday, March 27, 2016

Why involve the whole village?

Family secrets are best kept within.  Why involve the whole village?

From My InBox:


Friday, March 25, 2016

When speeding tickets don't work...

When speeding tickets do not hamper drivers from speeding, the novelty of making music with their wheels could.  

The New Mexico Department of Transportation added grooves in the road of Route 66 between Albuquerque and Tijeras.  They work just like the rumble strips or "drunk bumps".  As you drive over the precisely positioned grooves in the road they vibrate your car to create different pitches from notes to "America the Beautiful".  You just have to slow down to its speed limit of 45 mph to hear it better.  

What a great idea since it is a desolate stretch of road.  This innovation should keep drivers alert, so as not to miss that musical quarter-mile stretch.



Now here is your reason to travel through Route 66.