A Loving Wife……..

From My InBox:

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.

... 

Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.

Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health.

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

Will the sledge hammer help?

Do you think a sledge hammer is going to help you reduce your anger if you know that your husband is cheating on you?

From My InBox:



But it is definitely a good way for this auto shop to run its "can fix anything" ad.

Hearing test - THE "DEAF" WIFE PROBLEM..................

From My InBox:

THE "DEAF" WIFE PROBLEM THE DEAF WIFE PROBLEM Bert feared his Wife, Peg, wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.  Not quite sure how to approach her with this problem, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.  The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the Husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.  'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor,   ' Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone , see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet,   then 20 feet,  then 10 feet, and so on until you get a response.'   You can then report back to me and I can take the problem from there and your wife will be none the wiser about your little test.    That evening, the Wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den.    He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away,  so let's see what happens.'    Then in a normal tone he asks,   'Honey, What's for dinner?' NO RESPONSE! So the Husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his Wife and repeats,   'Peg, What's for dinner?' STILL NO RESPONSE!! Next , he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and  again asks,   'Honey, What's for dinner?'    AGAIN, HE GETS NO RESPONSE!!! Being extremely concerned for her inabiliy to hear by now, he walks up to the kitchen door,   about 10 feet away and says,   'Honey Pie , What's for dinner?'    YET AGAIN, HE GETS NO RESPONSE!!!!     Absolutely worried sick by now regarding her total failure to hear him, he walks right up behind her and says,   'Peg Darling, What's for dinn    F*-#?? sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'

Aladdin's Magic lamp

From My InBox:

A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp. She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.            

                                

The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her the following wishes:

1- I want my husband to have eyes ONLY for me.
2- I want to be the ONLY one in his life
3- I want him to sleep always by my side
4- I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes. 

The Genie immediately turns her into a      Mobile  phone.....!

the relationship between the hand and the eye

From My InBox:

The relationship between a husband and a wife is like the relationship between the hand and the eye.

If the hand gets hurt, the eye cries and if the eye cries, the hand wipes
its tears... !!