Irish Ghost Story

From My InBox:

IRISH GHOST STORY
This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like
an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of
the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a
big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so
Strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and it stopped
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into
the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody
behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving
slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching

Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before
the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the
window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched
as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.. Wet
and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about
the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying...
And wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark
and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other...

'Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were
pushing it!'

Irish Humor

From My InBox:

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the  envelope "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it   up.   ------------   --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------   -- Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shouts  Paddy, "this is her husband!" ------------   --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------   --- An old  Irish  farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says  "Why don't you put an advert in the  paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put  in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the Irishman replies: "They have to go backwards. If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.  She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says  'This is for the flowers!'   'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

Donkey business

From My InBox:

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's d...ied.'

...Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his two pounds back.'

Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland