The Company Christmas Party

What's the big deal about setting up a Company Christmas Party?

From The Laughter Club:

Company memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All Employees 
DATE: October 1, 2012 
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. 
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols Feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! 
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. 
This gathering is only for employees! 
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! 
Merry Christmas to you and your family, 
Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All Employees 
DATE: October 2, 2012 
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. 
However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. 
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. 
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. 
Happy now? 
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All Employees 
DATE: October 3, 2012 
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. 
I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? 
Somebody? 
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. 
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
To: All Employees 
DATE: October 4, 2012 
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. 
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? 
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. 
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men - each group will have their own table. 
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. 
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. 
We will have booster seats for short people. 
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. 
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. 
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry! 
Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All F*%^ing Employees 
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian jerks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. 
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW! 
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! 
The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo 
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director 
DATE: October 6, 2012 
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the hospital. 
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. 
Happy Whatever!

Joan

Merry X'Mas and Happy New Year

I am not able to verify if this message is indeed written by RAJA ZARITH IDRIS, the Sultanah of Johore.  I received it via an email from a Singaporean friend.

But there is one thing for sure.  If you read the philosophy shared here, it will make you very proud just thinking that it is written by one of your countryman.

"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year"

From My InBox:

MESSAGE FROM THE SULTANAH OF JOHORE   RAJA ZARITH IDRIS (Sultanah of Johore)   Season of goodwill MIND MATTER  by RAJA ZARITH IDRIS (Sultanah of Johore) If Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Isa (Jesus), a prophet respected and revered in Islam, is it so wrong to wish a blessed day for those who celebrate it? DURING the days before Christmas last year, I wished my friends who were celebrating it "Merry Christmas" in much the same way they would wish me "Selamat Hari Raya" or "Happy Eid". I find it rather sad that such a simple greeting – one which I grew up with and which I have never regarded as something that would compromise or de-value my own faith – is now regarded as something so religiously incorrect for us Malaysian Muslims. When I was at boarding school in England , I had to go to church every Sunday because it was part of the rules. My father advised me to consider it as part of my "education" and he had no doubt that the experience would strengthen rather than weaken my own faith. I was able to see the similarities and differences between Christianity and Islam. I learned more than the average Malaysian Muslim would about Christianity. I learnt that just as we Muslims categorise ourselves according to the four different schools of thoughts of the four Imams (Imam Malik, Imam Al Shafi, Imam Abu Hanifa and Imam Ahmad Abn Hambal) and are either Sunnis or Shias, so Christians too are divided into different sects or churches. Going to church did not make me less of a Muslim when I was a young girl, and neither does saying "Merry Christmas" make me less of a Muslim now. My faith has not been shaken just because I wished some friends a time of joy with their families. Neither will I suddenly suffer from amnesia and forget what my religion is. What I do not wish to forget, however, is that there are good, kind people who are not of the same faith as me. As Harun Yahya, the Turkish writer (he was selected last year as one of the 500 most influential Muslims in the world by the Royal Isla mic Strategic Studies Centre of Jordan ) noted: "Islam is a religion of peace, love and tolerance". Today, however, some circles have been presenting a false image of Islam, as if there were conflict between Islam and the adherents of the two other monotheistic religions. Yet Islam's view of Jews and Christians, who are named `the People of the Book' in the Quran, is very friendly and tolerant. "This attitude towards the People of the Book developed during the years of the birth of Islam. At that time, Muslims were a minority, struggling to protect their faith and suffering oppression and torture from the pagans of the city of Mecca . Due to this persecution, some Muslims decided to flee Mecca and shelter in a safe country with a just ruler. The Prophet Muhammad told them to take refuge with King Negus, the Christian king of Ethiopia . The Muslims who followed this advice found a very fair administration that embraced them with love and respect when they went to Ethiopia . King Negus refused the demands of the pagan messengers who asked him to surrender the Muslims to them, and announced that Muslims could live freely in his country. "Such attitudes of Christian people that are based on the concepts of compassion, mercy, modesty and justice, constitute a fact that God has pointed out in the Quran." I do not wish to be a self-centred Muslim who expects friends of other faiths to wish me Selamat Hari Raya or, for those who are not Malaysians and therefore do not know about Hari Raya, a Happy Eid and yet do not return their goodwill when it is Christmas, Chinese New Year, Deepavali or Vesak Day. Every year, friends who are Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs or those without any faith come to our home to celebrate Hari Raya with us. They do so with sincerity and as a mark of respect for one of the most important days in the Muslim calendar. Why should we not reciprocate their kindness, show them the same mark of respect for their religion and wish them the same joy on their holy days of celebration? An Islamic scholar and lecturer also reminded me that as Muslims we must remember the importance of both the five Pillars of Islam and in the six Pillars of Iman (Faith), which are:Belief in Allah; Belief in the angels; Belief in the revealed Books (which include the Bible, the Torah and the Holy Quran); Belief in the Prophets (May Peace be Upon Them); Belief in the Resurrection and the events of Kiamah, the Day of Judgement; and Belief in the predestination (Qada' and Qadar) by Allah in all things. The prophets include not just Muhammad (May Peace Be Upon Him) as the last prophet and as the Messenger of Islam, but also in the 24 earlier ones who are mentioned in both the Bible and the Quran. Four of them are Ibrahim (Abraham), Musa (Moses), Daud (David), and Isa (Jesus). So, if Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Isa (Jesus), a prophet respected and revered in Islam, is it so wrong to wish a blessed day for those who celebrate it? We are now in the second decade of the 21st century. Surely, we should, now more than ever, be far more enlightened at a time when information of any sort and of all kinds are so readily available to us. What is most important is that we regard one another as fellow citizens and treat each other with respect, regardless of our race or religion. The writer is Royal Fellow, School of Language Studies and Linguistics, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM), and holds a BA (Honours) degree in Chinese Studies, University of Oxford . [The writer is also the current Sultanah of Johor]

I LOVE Malaysia

Are you a Malaysian? Do you love Malaysia? I do.

In Malaysia you can find friends of many other races and beliefs. Though I am a Buddhist, I can enjoy many different festive holidays. I can celebrate with my Hindu friends during their Thaipusam and Deepavali celebrations. Last Hari Raya Aidilfitri my Muslim neighbours invited my family to their home for a grand feast.

Christmas is around the corner and, of course, I will have lots of friends and relatives to celebrate with. Let me share with you a Litter Free One Malaysia Christmas Greetings card I created for them.

1 Malaysia Season's Greetings

View more presentations from Nancy Poh.

Now that you get the picture, can you imagine the kind of support I can receive from my Malaysian friends culturally and spiritually when I am in trouble? So, Malaysians let's unite to celebrate the forthcoming festive occasion with prayers of heartfelt good intentions.

And if you are a foreigner who would like to know more about Malaysia, there is The Malaysia Page to check out.

Latest Christmas carol

From My InBox:

(sung to the tune of 'Santa Claus is coming to town')

Latest Christmas carol for 2008, haha !!!

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town

It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!

Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake, OH

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.



Cheers,

The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care;
And let it spring from love,
Born out of concern for all beings?

As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.