Why teachers drink!

What could be upseting teacher the world over?

From My InBox:

These are so so funny but also sad when you consider the ignorance.


Why Teachers Drink

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q.  Name the four seasons.
A...  Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q.  How is dew formed?
A...  The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q.  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A...  If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q.  In a democratic society, how important are elections
A...  Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q.  What are steroids?
A...  Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
      (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q.  What happens to your body as you age?
A...  When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A... He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)

Q.  Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A...  Premature death

Q.  What is artificial insemination?
A...  When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q.  How can you delay milk turning sour?
A...  Keep it in the cow
      (Simple, but brilliant)

Q.  How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A...  The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
     The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U

Q.  What is the fibula?
A...  A small lie

Q.  What does 'varicose' mean?
A...  Nearby

Q.  What is the most common form of birth control?
A...  Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
      (That would work)

Q.  Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.
A...  The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q.  What is a seizure?
A...  A Roman Emperor.
      (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q.  What is a terminal illness?
A...  When you are sick at the airport.
      (Irrefutable)

Q.  What does the word 'benign' mean?
A...  Benign is what you will be after you be eight
      (brilliant)

Q.  What is a turbine?
A...  Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
     

TEST FOR DEMENTIA (also in Mandarin)

TEST FOR DEMENTIA
癡呆測試


Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. Let's find out just how clever you really are.
下列有4 個問題及一個加分題，你必須立刻回答，不能花時間慢慢想，讓我們看看你有多聰明。
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
準備好，向下捲！

First Question: 第一題 :
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second place person. What position are you in?
你參加賽跑，追過第2 名，你是第幾名？









Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If you overtake the second place person, and you take their place, you are second!
解答： 如果你的回答是第 1名，你就錯了！你如果追過第 2名，你只是取代那人的位置，你是第 2名。


To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question. 回答第2題，你不能使用與回答第 1題相同的時間。

Second Question第二題 :
If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?
你參加賽跑，你追過最後一名，你是第幾名？









Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not having a good time at this! Are you?
解答：如果你的回答是倒數第 2名，你又錯了！告訴我，你怎能追過最後一名？顯然你並未樂在其中！
Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
很詭異的算術！這只能在腦中盤算。不要使用紙與筆或計算機，試試看。

Third Question: 第三題
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. now add 10.
What is the total?
以1000 加上40，再加 1000 ，再加30，再加 1000，現在加上20，再加一次 1000，現在加上10，總數是什麼？







Answer: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!
解答：得到 5000是嗎？正確答案是4100，不要相信，用計算機查證吧！








Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
今天對你鐵定諸事不宜，或許最後一題你會答對？
Fourth Question:第四題

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Mary的父親有 5個女兒，第 1個女兒 Nana， 第 2個女兒 Nene， 第3個女兒 Nini， 第 4個女兒 Nono，第 5個女兒的名字是什麼？






Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
解答： 答案是 Nunu嗎？不！絕對不是，她的名字是 Mary，請再讀一次問題！





Okay, now the bonus round. You can partially redeem yourself with this one!!!!!
好，現在是加分題。這題可稍稍解救（彌補）你！
Bonus Question加分題 :
There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
一個啞巴想買牙刷，他模仿刷牙的動作，成功的向店主表達，也完成了購買。現在如果一個瞎子想買一副太陽眼鏡，他要如何表達？






Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask. He's blind, not mute - so simple.
解答： 他只要張開嘴問即可。他是瞎子，不是啞巴。就這麼簡單！


KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE 'SMART PEOPLE' IN YOUR LIFE
把這個傳下去，以便打擊那些你生活中遇到的「聰明人」