Insurance Fee

From My InBox:

A man and his wife moved back home to Cork , from London.

The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Britain was £2000.00 a year!

When they arrived in Cork , they went to an Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg.

The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '€39.00.'

The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in Ireland to insure, because it cost him £2000.00 in England!

The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says:

"Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is €39.00."

Irish Humor

From My InBox:

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the  envelope "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it   up.   ------------   --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------   -- Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shouts  Paddy, "this is her husband!" ------------   --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------   --- An old  Irish  farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says  "Why don't you put an advert in the  paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put  in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the Irishman replies: "They have to go backwards. If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.  She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says  'This is for the flowers!'   'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

That's the one

From My InBox: After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him. 'How 'bout that! He exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder.' He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with.'

Un peu d'anglais! (Some English!)

From My InBox:

We've all talked to this guy...At Last....A Picture of Him.

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said,
'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call centre.

No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.

Our Man from The Punjab is back

From My InBox:

A Sardar furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decides to go to Paris to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in PUNJAB . To celebrate the new acquisition, he decides to visit a pub and have a glass of wine. As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in PUNJABI-HINDI- ENGLISH but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.

They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.


    Till this day, the Sardar is trying to figure out how she knew he was in the furniture business.

Kepala Pu Singh!!!!! - Enjoy......

From My InBox:

Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came and asked him, 'Are you relaxing?'
Singh answered, 'No, I am Banta Singh'.

Another guy came and asked the him the same question.
Singh answered, 'No No Me Banta Singh!'

Third one came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked, 'Are you Relaxing?'

The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.'
The Singh slapped him on his face and said, 'Stupid, idiot.
Everyone is looking for you and your are sitting over here!'

********************************************************************************************************
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter
told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance, a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T'
2. How many seconds are in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, 'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though
it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?'

The Singh replied, 'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc...'
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

***************************************************************************************************************
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all
around his living room. Jasmeet : 'What are you searching for?'

Santa : 'Hidden cameras!'

Jasmeet : 'And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?'

Santa: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying: 'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?'

**************************************************************************************************************
Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees and started thanking g God.
A passerby saw him and asked, 'Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?'

The Singh replied 'I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at
that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.'

***************************************************************************************************************
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.

He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He
then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on..

'Oye, I am only following the instructions here'! It says here 'Answer the following questions in brief'.

**************************************************************************************************************************
Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell.
So the other asked, ' Why are you crying?'

The first one said, 'I came here for blood test'
Second one asked, 'So? Are you afraid '

First one replied, ' No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger'

Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, 'Why are you crying?'
The other replied, 'I have come for my urine test.'

British Humour.....!!

From My InBox:

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

================================================

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by

mistake - both are in intensive care...

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.

================================================

During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling

tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City Council said 'We didn't even know they

were living up there'.

================================================

Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there is not enough

television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5

times a week now.

================================================

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean,

a ginger haired kid, with two friends?

================================================

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in

front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

================================================

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was

caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to

be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

================================================

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

================================================

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth

floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

Porsche & the Singaporean lawyer‏

From My InBox:

A very successful Singaporean lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely tore off the driver's door.

Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche; it was completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop might try to make it new again.

His lights flashing, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before ,was now completely ruined and would never be the same no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again.

After the lawyer finally calmed down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said.
'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.
The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!'

'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer.

'MY ROLEX!!!'

THE MALAYSIAN IN LONDON

From My InBox:

Johan, a 'young' Malaysian tourist on his first visit to London, locates
the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to
be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the client. They sit and
talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his
lap.

He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain
the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a
bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!"
and walks away quickly.

The madam is surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for
something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with
it.

She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola
looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that
anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Johan...
They sit and talk, frolic a little, ! giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on
his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!", smacks
him as hard as she can, and literally runs away too!

Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in
all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work
herself for a long time, but she did it for many years before she got into
management. She's sure she has said yes at one time or another to
everything a man could possibly ask for. The challenge is irresistible.

She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so
angry. And she sees a chance she can't pass up to show off to her employees how
good she was at what they do.

So she goes over to Johan and says that she's the best in the house and
she, herself, is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic a
bit, giggle a bit, drink a little, and she sits in his lap. And then Johan
leans forward and whispers! in her ear, ..........


scroll down














"Can I pay in Malaysian Ringgit?"

Sardar jee

From My InBox:

> Boss: Where were you born?
> Sardar: India ..
> Boss: which part?
> Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
>
> 2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
> Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
> explodes while fixing.
> Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
>
> Sardar: What is the name of your car?
> Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
> Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know
> start with petrol.
>
> Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
> computer. Boss was happy and asked "what you did till evening?"
> Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
>
> Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
> Sardar: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.
>
>
> At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand,
> oh!
> Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head.
> Is he crying?
>
> Sardar: U cheated me.
> Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
> Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India
> Radio! '
>
> NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
> In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
> Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
> Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
> Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
>
> Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
> Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
> Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
> Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

Racial Jokes

From My In Box:

THE GENIE

A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He
rubbed on it and a magical genie Singh with a turban
appeared and said "I grant you two wishes, Macha.."

The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want
to be rich like a Chinaman!

Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was
smartly dressed, hair jelled and combed back like
Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in hand.
As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes,
he noticed his own reflection.

Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much
fairer in complexion. The shocked Indian angrily
summoned the genie and complained "Are you
deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a
Chinaman, not become a Chinaman!"

I don't want to be a Chinaman because they cheat,
lie and con their way to become rich..."

The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one
more wish "What do you want then, Muthu?"
To which Muthu quickly replied "I just want to be
rich and I don't want to work!"

Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra...

---------------------------------------------------

THE PRINTING PRESS

What do you get when you put 100 Chinamen under a
printing press?
The Yellow Pages

What do you get when you put 100 Indians under a
printing press?
A year's supply of carbon paper.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

WHEN YOU DRIVE A PROTON SAGA ...................

What's the first thing that come to your mind when
you see a Chinese man driving a BMW?
A pimp.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind
when you see a Malay man driving a BMW?
Ahmad.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind
when you see an Indian man driving a BMW?
A car jockey.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind
when you see a Bhai driving a BMW?
A car repossessor.

Racial Jokes

From My InBox:

The ASIAN
Has one Wife
Has one Girlfriend
But he loves his wife the most

The AMERICA
Has one Wife
Has one Girlfriend
But he loves his girlfriend the most

The ARAB
Has 4 Wives
Has 4 Girlfriends
But he loves his housemaid the most
====================================

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran, Ruled by Nuts.

Polish Divorce!

From My InBox:

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds? - Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? - It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? - No,
we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like? - All my relations still in Poland.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage? - We have hi-fidelity stereo
and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up? - No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger? - No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce? - She going to kill me.

What makes you think that? - I got proof.

What kind of proof? - She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at
drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

Israeli Sense of Humour at UN

I am not able to verify this story.

================================================================================
From My InBox

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.

The representative from Israel began:

'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!'

He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water.

When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them.'

The Palestinian representative to the UN jumped up furiously and shouted,

'What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't even there then.'

The Israeli representative smiled and said 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech.'

Sadar and Sardarji

Sadar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and
suffered huge Loss. Do u know what the business was?

. . . .. ... . . He opened a Hair Saloon in Punjab!
_________________________________________


A sardarji photographer is focusing a dead body's face in a
funeral function.. Suddenly, all the deceased's relatives start
beating him up!

Why?
He said, "SMILE PLEASE" (to the deceased!)
__________________________________________

Sardarji gets ready, wears his tie, coat and goes out, climbs a
tree, and sits on the branch regularly.
A man asks why he does this.

Sardarji: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

__________________________________________

Why is a Sardarji standing below a tube light with an open
mouth..................
Because his doctor advised him that,
"Today's dinner should be light"!

__________________________________________
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
Do you know why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper was
leaking...!!
__________________________________________

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the
plants.

Servant: It's already raining.

Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!
__________________________________________

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -

What will come first, Chicken or egg?

O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first..!
__________________________________________

A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a
cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.

He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
__________________________________________

Postman: - I had to come 5 Miles to deliver
this package to you...

Sardar: - Why did you come so far? You could have just posted
it....!
__________________________________________

A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce.
Judge asked: How will you divide, you have 3 children ?
Sardar replied: Ok! We'll apply NEXT YEAR!
__________________________________________

Sardar's wish: When i die, I wanna die like my grandpa who died
peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the passengers in
the bus he was driving.. !
__________________________________________

A teacher lecturing on population:

In India, every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a child.
A Sardar stands up and says, "We must find her & stop her"!
__________________________________________
A man asked Sardarji, "Why Manmohan Singh goes walking in the
evening, and not in the morning?

Sardarji replied, ''Arey bhai, Manmohan is PM not AM''!
__________________________________________

Sardar visits his Chinese friend who is dying in hospital.

The Chinese friend just says, "CHIN YU YAN" and dies.

Sardarji goes to China to find meaning in the friend's last words.
It meant, 'You are standing on the oxygen tube!"
__________________________________________

Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes
closed. His wife asked what you are doing?

He said. "I am seeing how I look when I sleep"!
__________________________________________

Why did Sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Guess what...To avoid side effects!!!
__________________________________________

Man: Sardarji, where were you born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in
Punjab"!
__________________________________________

Sardar: For the past one week, a girl has been disturbing me. I
don't know how she got my number!
She interrupts whenever I call someone and says
"Please recharge your card!"

Economics-The Cow Factor

Read email below for a snappy way to learn about Malaysian New Economic Policy vs Wikipedia's way.

1) More about NEP and countries that have adopted this kind of policy can be read from links to articles posted on HighBeam.

2) Marxism is the theory of dialectical materialism based on communist practice. Read more about it at Encyclopedia of Marxism: Glossary of Terms.

3) Learn more economic terms and concepts from AmosWEB GLOSS*arama.

AmosWEB claims itself to be the best economics glossary available on the web. But if you do not think so, just do a search for "economic glossary" and discover your own best and inform AmosWEB about it so that they can do one better, or so they claimed...

==================================================================================
SOCIALISM : You have 2 cows, so you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM : You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

MALAYSIAN BUMIPUTRAISM : You have two cows, the State takes one and gives it to your bumiputra neighbour. From the milk you sell from the remaining cow you buy a bull and mulitply your herd. The State takes 30 per cent of your herd as it grows and give them to your bumiputra neigbour. Your bumiputra neighbour has a kenduri each time they receive a cow.

UMNOPUTRAISM : The State takes 30 per cent of your herd and parks them in Switzerland in the name of some UMNO official or close relatives, friends and sons-in-law.

MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT LINKED OR BUMIPUTRA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You employ mainly bumiputras to milk them. But both cows have been sent to the kenduri, so the State gives you more cows and write off the losses of the first two. After several kenduris later, you invite an American or German Corporation to turnaround the losses. The Japanese have however already taken their two original cows back home to Japan .

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION : You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION : You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows because you're sobering up and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION : You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINA CORPORATION : You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You worship them

A BRITISH CORPORATION : You have two cows. Both are mad.

Global Issues

From my InBox:

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.


The only question asked was:

'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions

to the shortage of food in rest of the world'.


The survey was a huge failure..... ... Do you know WHY?

* In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.


* In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant.



* In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.



* In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.



* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution'
meant.


* In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.




* And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant



U get in life whatever destiny has in store for u............

Barber in NY

There was once a very good barber in NEW YORK, he gives Free Haircut to everybody who comes into his shop to have their haircuts.

One day a florist goes to him for a haircut.
After the cut, he goes to pay the barber
and the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'

The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door .

A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.


A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you.. I am doing community service.'
The Singaporean software engineer is very happy and leaves.


The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there............



Can you guess?




Come on, think like a Singaporean....




have you got the answer ........... ?????




come on .............





guess




guess




guess.................................................




a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!

TWO MEN & A LADY

Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island - The two fought and one KILLED the other to have the lady.
Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island - They both had the lady TOGETHER.
Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island - They killed the lady to have EACH OTHER.
Two Indonesian men and a lady stranded on a desert island - The first man claimed that island is independent and took the lady as his advisor. The second man swam to another island to search for jobs.
Two Thai men and a lady stranded on a desert island - The first man rented the lady to the second man for 2 baht a night.
Two Filipino men and a lady stranded on a desert island - The first man kidnapped the lady and asked for ransom from the other man.
Two Malaysian men and a lady stranded on a desert island - The lady ACCUSED the first man of sodomising the other because she was rejected by both.
Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island - The two men are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT on how to proceed.

You can't beat the Indians!!

> You can't beat the Indians !!
>
> A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead
> mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of their daughters.
> The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no
> space to spare. When they opened the lid, they found a letter on
> top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
>
>
> Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsha:
> I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her last wish that she
> be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Gujarat.
> Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
> You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of
> cheese, 10 packets of Toblerone chocolates and 8 packets of Badam.
> Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a
> new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2
> pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are
> correct.
> Ba is wearing 6 American T-shirts. The large size is for Mohan.
> Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that
> Ba's is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted
> is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace,
> earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.
> The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among
> my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.
> Love,
> Smita Patel
> P.S.: If you need anything else please let me know soon, Bapuji is
> also not feeling too well nowadays.