Something to think about...

Something to think about and wonder if it should be funny.

From My InBox:


99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

I work to buy a car to go to work - strange!

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

and finally (In memory of the two Ronnies) to all married fella's...............

Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.

=================================================
If revenge is what you have in mind get this book from Amazon.

If you were to go first...

From My InBox:

Now that they are retired, Sally and James were discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" James asked Sally.

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house-sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then Sally asked James, "What will you do if I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."

Wives don't find this funny

From My InBox:

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – "Which book has helped you most in your life?" The woman replied – "My husband's cheque book !!" A prospective husband in a book store "Do you have a book called, 'Husband – the Master of the House'? Sales Girl : "Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!". Someone asked an old man : "Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What's the secret ? Old man : I forgot her name and I'm scared to ask her. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I'd be in your hands all day. Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day ! Husband to wife – Today is a fine day. Next day he says : Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband – since last one week, you are saying this "Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter? Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, "I will leave you one fine day." I was just trying to remind you……"

About getting older

From My InBox:

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't even have to cross the road! ~~~~~ Answering machine message, "I am not available right now, But thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." ~~~~~ My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine. ~~~~~ Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. ~~~~~ Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. ~~~~~ The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere. ~~~~~ God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. ~~~~~ I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. ~~~~~ Every morning is the dawn of a new error. ~~~~~ Aspire to inspire before you expire. ~~~~~

Natural disasters explained

From My InBox:

Jokes to upset your wife

From My InBox:

All husbands can enjoy 

Wife : Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today . Husband : First make it, we will name it later 

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:
dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting


A married man's prayer;
Dear God, u gave me childhood, u took it away
U gave me youth, u took it away.
U gave me a wife.......... Its been years now,
just reminding u......


A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"

Husband answers "Because he's thinking of getting married"



Husband: I found Aladdin's lamp today.

Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..

Wife: oh..Jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
 

 Employee: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home??

Boss: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !


 A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.


Best Slogan on a
MAN's T-Shirt :

"Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed"

just for laughs

From My InBox:

A husband and wife were always fighting with each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!'

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The man liked the fact that he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 58. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'

The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down.'

Women..! I tell you.. They think of everything..

short stories

From My InBox:

SCOTTISH WEDDING 

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." 

The bartender was almost crushed to death. 

  

SEX 

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore …..         A friend of mine was wearing one when

he was shot by the woman’s husband. 

New Book 

A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out

for men with short penises?" 

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." 

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…" 

  

Poor Lance Armstrong - 

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike. 

  

Drive By 

  

A guy broke into my apartment last week. 

He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. 

Now he drives by and changes the channels. 

Sick Bastard!! 

  

  

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back". 

  

 

Pregnant Prostitute 

               Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"   
"For f.... sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"  

  

Sex Research (could be handy) 

If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is a twosome,

now I understand why they call you handsome! 

  

EASYJET 

Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" 
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane. " 

Seventy quid is seventy quid!

From My Laughter Club:

Stewart and his wife Barbara go to the county fair every year, 

And every year Stewart would say, "Barbara, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Barbara always replied, 

"I know Stewart, but that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid!"

One year later Stewart and Barbara went to the fair, and Stewart said, "Barbara, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Barbara replied, 

"Stewart, that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid" 

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's seventy quid. "

Stewart and Barbara agreed and up they went. 

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. 

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, 

But still not a word... 

When they landed, the pilot turned to Stewart and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. 
I'm impressed!"

Stewart replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Barbara fell out, 

But you know, seventy quid is seventy quid!"

My bitter half.......

From My InBox:

Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband. "Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!

The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman. Before Marriage and After Marriage.
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences. He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
"The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife."
Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, "Still Searching`.
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife’s Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: “Honey What Are You Doing...Husband: “MISSING YOU”...
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."

The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said "Yes"
The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison’

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.........
Women are like phones:

They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......

Difference Between Complete & Finish...

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!

Romantic SMS Romantic...SMS She sends the following message:

My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams
If you're smiling, send me your smile
If you're crying, send me your tears
I love you
He Replied: I'm in the toilet. What do I send?

The 6 affairs

From My InBox:

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.

One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'





The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'




The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.

'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'




The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'




The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'




The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

Guts and balls are one and the same thing!

From My InBox:

We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls.

But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to
keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with guys, being met by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the ass and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately
result in serious injury or death.

Ever wonder in relationships, how 'the fight' starts...

From My InBox:

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a
Christmas gift...

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"


And that's how the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I asked my wife,

'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested,

'How about the kitchen?'

And that's when the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.

I turned to her and said,

'Do you want to have $ex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying

'Yes.'

So I said,

'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

And that's when the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said,

'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's when the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.

She asked,

'What's on TV?'

I said,

'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said,

'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table.

I asked her,

'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' she sighed,

'He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!'

I said,

'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and
slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,

'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said,

'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed.

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck,
the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a
short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when
I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said,

'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Difference between "wife" & "Girlfriend

From My InBox:

Some people say :

Wife is a HARIMAU ...............
Girlfriend is HARI HARI MAU

And some say:

Wife is like TV, Girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)

At home watch TV, Go out bring HP.

No money, sell TV. Got money change HP.

Sometimes enjoy TV but most of the time play with HP.

TV free for life but HP, if you don't pay, the services
will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old but HP, is cute,
slim, curvy and very portable at any time.

Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is
high and often demanding.

Most Important, TV got remote but HP doesn't have.

Last but not least.......

TV do not have virus but HP have VIRUS......

Once get it, HABIS LAH.

So better choose TV lah!

Married Life !!...heheheh

From My InBox:

* They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

* Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.

* Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

* Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.

* Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

* Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

* Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

* Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

See what great guys have to say about this!‏

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Sacha Guitry

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Anonymous

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
Anonymous

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
Sam Kinison

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
James Holt McGavra

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Patrick Murra

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Anonymous

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
Anonymous

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW燜OR A HAPPY LIFE:

From My InBox:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3.. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

From My InBox:

> > NICKNAMES
> >
> > * If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
> > * If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
> >
> > EATING OUT
> >
> > * When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
> > * When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
> >
> > MONEY
> >
> > * A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> > * A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
> >
> > BATHROOMS
> >
> > * A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, deodorant and a towel .
> > * The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
> >
> > ARGUMENTS
> >
> > * A woman has the last word in any argument.
> > * Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
> >
> > FUTURE
> >
> > * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> > * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> >
> > SUCCESS
> >
> > * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> > * A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> >
> > MARRIAGE
> >
> > * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> > * A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
> >
> > DRESSING UP
> >
> > * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
> > * A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
> >
> > NATURAL
> >
> > * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> > * Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
> >
> > OFFSPRING
> >
> > * Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
> > * A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
> >
> > THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> > A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!




(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!

WA Post Competition

From My InBox:

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A
TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST
ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:


1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.

6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'

11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING

THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE (For adult)

From My InBox:

The family is sitting at the dinner table.. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?' The father, surprised, answers, 'Well son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.' 'Onions?' 'Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, 'Mom, how many types of 'willies' are there?' The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard... In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.' 'A Christmas tree??'

'Yes dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.'


Send it out to all your girlfriends and guy friends who needs a laugh to brighten up their day !!!