From My InBox:
A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program? " Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money. The boy now has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!"
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
The baboon
From My InBox:
A priest is driving down the road in Cape Point when he comes across
a baboon lying dead on the road. He contacts the police to inform
them of his find.
A cocky black desk sergeant laughed and said "did you give it the last rites ".
"No" said the priest "I thought I'd inform his next of kin
first..............."
A priest is driving down the road in Cape Point when he comes across
a baboon lying dead on the road. He contacts the police to inform
them of his find.
A cocky black desk sergeant laughed and said "did you give it the last rites ".
"No" said the priest "I thought I'd inform his next of kin
first..............."
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
What is the worst age to be?
From The Laughter Club:
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't
have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the
toilet all day and nothin' happens!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00 . I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no
problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30 ."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap
every morning at 6:30 . So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00........"
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't
have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the
toilet all day and nothin' happens!"
"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00 . I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no
problem at all."
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30 ."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap
every morning at 6:30 . So what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00........"
SUPPORT "LEARN SCIENCE AND MATHEMATICS IN ENGLISH (PPSMI)"
When technology is always changing, is it logical for Malaysian government to establish a RM2 million fund to publish advanced academic books on science and technology in the Malay language?
The right thing to do is to encourage learning of science and technology in English so that we can catch up and compete with technologically advanced countries. So let us support "LEARNING SCIENCE AND MATHEMATICS IN ENGLISH (PPSMI)"
Please read, take part and forward.
Please email, share and/or share this with all your friends so that we can quickly collect the numbers that we need to transform us all into a voice loud enough to be heard. Hopefully with everybody’s effort, we can make this go viral on the internet and strengthen our voice in the shortest time possible.
Dear Students, Parents and Malaysians,
MALAYSIANS APPEAL TO THE GOVERNMENT FOR THE OPTION TO LEARN SCIENCE AND MATHEMATICS IN ENGLISH (RETAIN PPSMI AS AN OPTION)
You would have heard by now that the teaching and learning of Science and Mathematics in English (better known as PPSMI) will be abolished in January 2012. The Parent Action Group for Education Malaysia (PAGE) has been in the forefront to champion the cause to maintain the policy for those who wish their children to learn these two (2) subjects in its lingua franca that is English.
Here is how the abolishment of this policy is going to affect you.
For Primary School Students
You have been learning Science and Mathematics in English since Standard 1, however when you enter into Form 1, you will have to learn these subjects in Bahasa Melayu until Form 5 and do your PMR and SPM in Bahasa Melayu. After SPM, you will revert the study of these two (2) subjects back to English.
For Secondary School Students
If you are entering Form 1 in 2012, then you have been learning Science and Mathematics in English since Standard 1, however in 2012, you will have to learn these subjects in Bahasa Melayu from Form 1 until Form 5 and do your PMR and SPM in Bahasa Melayu.
If you are entering Form 4 in 2012, be prepared ... you may have to switch to Bahasa Melayu for Science and Maths after learning these subjects in English for the past 9 years, do your SPM in Bahasa Melayu and then switch back to English when you enter college or university. Yes we know this is crazy and unless you are “super-adaptable”, you will most likely be stressed out and confused. We have heard that the choice of language for Form 4 in 2012 may be determined by the Gurubesar of the different schools (???).
If you are not in Form 1 or Form 4 in 2012, there is no escape either. You WILL eventually be affected by the change when you reach Form 4.
If you have just completed your SPM in 2011, then you are in the luckiest group !!! You will be able to go straight into college and continue to do these subjects in English.
For Parents and Malaysians in General
After only a few years of implementing PPSMI and despite strong evidence that PPSMI is good for our students and Malaysia’s future generations, the Government has decided to change its mind and will abolish this policy in 2012. They think that it is best for ALL Malaysian school children NOT to learn Science and Mathematics in English. They actually believe that learning these two subjects in Bahasa Melayu is adequate and equivalent (or better) than to learn it in Englsh !!! ???
The sad truth is that despite the constant voices that they hear and read wishing for the option of PPSMI, the authorities seemed determined to proceed with the abolishment with the excuse that PPSMI will be replaced with another policy known as MBMMBI, to improve the standard of English amongst Malaysian students.
They keep missing the point (maybe on purpose) that we want PPSMI, not to improve the standard of English but rather, we want PPSMI simply because of the need to learn the subjects of Science and Mathematics in its lingua franca, that is English, for our children to be globally competitive, and for our nation to progress in the desired direction and speed.
In realising that perhaps the voices speaking out for the retention of the PPSMI policy (for those who want it) are too soft or too sporadic, PAGE Malaysia has decided to go all out on a nationwide wide and international campaign to reach out to as many Malaysian students and Malaysians wherever they are in the world, to come together as one and to build up the voice of the “silent majority” to inform the authorities that there exists a large and substantial number of Malaysian citizens (children and adults) would like to have the option for our students to learn Science and Mathematics in English.
We are not against the MBMMBI policy nor are we against the wishes of other groups who prefer to learn Science and Mathematics in Bahasa Melayu, Mandarin or Tamil.
We are simply asking to be heard and for the right to have the freedom of choice for an option to learn these two subjects in English, alongside Bahasa Melayu, Mandarin and Tamil.
Where and how to make your preference known
PAGE Malaysia has specially set up two (2) separate platforms for Students and for Parents and Malaysians to register their wishes.
Students are requested to visit : http://goo.gl/QHd42
Parents and Malaysians are requested to visit : http://goo.gl/cFSlD
1. 2012 is just a mere two (2) months away … do visit the website, complete the form today and make a difference !!!
2. Please email, like and share this with all your friends so that we can quickly collect the numbers that we need to transform us all into a voice loud enough to be heard.
3. Hopefully with everybody’s effort, we can make this go viral on the internet and strengthen our voice in the shortest time possible.
Thank you.
PAGE
Parent Action Group for Education (1266-10-WKL)
pagemalaysia@gmail.com
www.pagemalaysia.org
For Our Children. Demi Anak Kita
18 October 2011
The right thing to do is to encourage learning of science and technology in English so that we can catch up and compete with technologically advanced countries. So let us support "LEARNING SCIENCE AND MATHEMATICS IN ENGLISH (PPSMI)"
Please read, take part and forward.
Please email, share and/or share this with all your friends so that we can quickly collect the numbers that we need to transform us all into a voice loud enough to be heard. Hopefully with everybody’s effort, we can make this go viral on the internet and strengthen our voice in the shortest time possible.
Dear Students, Parents and Malaysians,
MALAYSIANS APPEAL TO THE GOVERNMENT FOR THE OPTION TO LEARN SCIENCE AND MATHEMATICS IN ENGLISH (RETAIN PPSMI AS AN OPTION)
You would have heard by now that the teaching and learning of Science and Mathematics in English (better known as PPSMI) will be abolished in January 2012. The Parent Action Group for Education Malaysia (PAGE) has been in the forefront to champion the cause to maintain the policy for those who wish their children to learn these two (2) subjects in its lingua franca that is English.
Here is how the abolishment of this policy is going to affect you.
For Primary School Students
You have been learning Science and Mathematics in English since Standard 1, however when you enter into Form 1, you will have to learn these subjects in Bahasa Melayu until Form 5 and do your PMR and SPM in Bahasa Melayu. After SPM, you will revert the study of these two (2) subjects back to English.
For Secondary School Students
If you are entering Form 1 in 2012, then you have been learning Science and Mathematics in English since Standard 1, however in 2012, you will have to learn these subjects in Bahasa Melayu from Form 1 until Form 5 and do your PMR and SPM in Bahasa Melayu.
If you are entering Form 4 in 2012, be prepared ... you may have to switch to Bahasa Melayu for Science and Maths after learning these subjects in English for the past 9 years, do your SPM in Bahasa Melayu and then switch back to English when you enter college or university. Yes we know this is crazy and unless you are “super-adaptable”, you will most likely be stressed out and confused. We have heard that the choice of language for Form 4 in 2012 may be determined by the Gurubesar of the different schools (???).
If you are not in Form 1 or Form 4 in 2012, there is no escape either. You WILL eventually be affected by the change when you reach Form 4.
If you have just completed your SPM in 2011, then you are in the luckiest group !!! You will be able to go straight into college and continue to do these subjects in English.
For Parents and Malaysians in General
After only a few years of implementing PPSMI and despite strong evidence that PPSMI is good for our students and Malaysia’s future generations, the Government has decided to change its mind and will abolish this policy in 2012. They think that it is best for ALL Malaysian school children NOT to learn Science and Mathematics in English. They actually believe that learning these two subjects in Bahasa Melayu is adequate and equivalent (or better) than to learn it in Englsh !!! ???
The sad truth is that despite the constant voices that they hear and read wishing for the option of PPSMI, the authorities seemed determined to proceed with the abolishment with the excuse that PPSMI will be replaced with another policy known as MBMMBI, to improve the standard of English amongst Malaysian students.
They keep missing the point (maybe on purpose) that we want PPSMI, not to improve the standard of English but rather, we want PPSMI simply because of the need to learn the subjects of Science and Mathematics in its lingua franca, that is English, for our children to be globally competitive, and for our nation to progress in the desired direction and speed.
In realising that perhaps the voices speaking out for the retention of the PPSMI policy (for those who want it) are too soft or too sporadic, PAGE Malaysia has decided to go all out on a nationwide wide and international campaign to reach out to as many Malaysian students and Malaysians wherever they are in the world, to come together as one and to build up the voice of the “silent majority” to inform the authorities that there exists a large and substantial number of Malaysian citizens (children and adults) would like to have the option for our students to learn Science and Mathematics in English.
We are not against the MBMMBI policy nor are we against the wishes of other groups who prefer to learn Science and Mathematics in Bahasa Melayu, Mandarin or Tamil.
We are simply asking to be heard and for the right to have the freedom of choice for an option to learn these two subjects in English, alongside Bahasa Melayu, Mandarin and Tamil.
Where and how to make your preference known
PAGE Malaysia has specially set up two (2) separate platforms for Students and for Parents and Malaysians to register their wishes.
Students are requested to visit : http://goo.gl/QHd42
Parents and Malaysians are requested to visit : http://goo.gl/cFSlD
1. 2012 is just a mere two (2) months away … do visit the website, complete the form today and make a difference !!!
2. Please email, like and share this with all your friends so that we can quickly collect the numbers that we need to transform us all into a voice loud enough to be heard.
3. Hopefully with everybody’s effort, we can make this go viral on the internet and strengthen our voice in the shortest time possible.
Thank you.
PAGE
Parent Action Group for Education (1266-10-WKL)
pagemalaysia@gmail.com
www.pagemalaysia.org
For Our Children. Demi Anak Kita
18 October 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
My bitter half.......
From My InBox:
Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband. "Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!
The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman. Before Marriage and After Marriage.
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences. He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
"The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife."
Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, "Still Searching`.
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife’s Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: “Honey What Are You Doing...Husband: “MISSING YOU”...
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."
The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said "Yes"
The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison’
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.........
Women are like phones:
They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......
Difference Between Complete & Finish...
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!
Romantic SMS Romantic...SMS She sends the following message:
My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams
If you're smiling, send me your smile
If you're crying, send me your tears
I love you
He Replied: I'm in the toilet. What do I send?
Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband. "Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!
The are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman. Before Marriage and After Marriage.
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences. He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, "Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
"The Man Says Without Hesitation, "I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife."
Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, "Still Searching`.
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife’s Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: “Honey What Are You Doing...Husband: “MISSING YOU”...
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It."
The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?"
The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me."
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?"
The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know."
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said "Yes"
The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison’
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.........
Women are like phones:
They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you're disconnected......
Difference Between Complete & Finish...
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!
Romantic SMS Romantic...SMS She sends the following message:
My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams
If you're smiling, send me your smile
If you're crying, send me your tears
I love you
He Replied: I'm in the toilet. What do I send?
Saturday, October 8, 2011
What causes arthritis?
From My InBox:
A drunken man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father,what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
MORAL:Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
A drunken man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father,what causes arthritis?'
The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'
The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned, ' then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
MORAL:Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.
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