From My InBox:
1981 & 2005 - Two Interesting Years
Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe .
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The Pope died.
Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe .
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The Pope died.
Lesson to be learned: The next time Charles gets married, someone should
warn the Pope
Thursday, December 29, 2011
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST...
From The Laughter Club:
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED.
THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW..... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the...
From My InBox:
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop...
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix them, put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
Try doing it with the engine running.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop...
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, fix them, put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
Try doing it with the engine running.
THE DANGER OF USING WARM/ HOT WATER DISPENSER !!
From My InBox:
Sin Chiew's article on re-boiled water......spells danger!
See Attachment in Chinese media.
Translated version as follows:-
THIS IS NOT A NEW DISCOVERY BUT MANY OF US JUST IGNORE IT ALL THE WHILE!
A pharmacist report from Singapore warn people NEVER to keep boiling your drinking water!!
Report Summary: TOP harmful chemical named (Toxic Nitrate) is produced in water when you keep boiling it!! This harmful substance had been proved to increase the chances of intestinal and stomach cancer.
IF you are currently using a 'WATER DISPENSER with WARM / HOT WATER Functions' or 'Electric AUTO keep warm Thermos' for your convenience , STOP IT NOW otherwise you would be killing yourself slowly as well as your loved ones!!
NOWADAYS, there are so many drinking water companies which OFFER FREE WATER DISPENSER when you order drinking water from them! THINK WISELY before you order!
YOU might get FREE water dispenser but in fact you would be paying with your OWN HEALTH!!
Sin Chiew's article on re-boiled water......spells danger!
See Attachment in Chinese media.
Translated version as follows:-
THIS IS NOT A NEW DISCOVERY BUT MANY OF US JUST IGNORE IT ALL THE WHILE!
A pharmacist report from Singapore warn people NEVER to keep boiling your drinking water!!
Report Summary: TOP harmful chemical named (Toxic Nitrate) is produced in water when you keep boiling it!! This harmful substance had been proved to increase the chances of intestinal and stomach cancer.
IF you are currently using a 'WATER DISPENSER with WARM / HOT WATER Functions' or 'Electric AUTO keep warm Thermos' for your convenience , STOP IT NOW otherwise you would be killing yourself slowly as well as your loved ones!!
NOWADAYS, there are so many drinking water companies which OFFER FREE WATER DISPENSER when you order drinking water from them! THINK WISELY before you order!
YOU might get FREE water dispenser but in fact you would be paying with your OWN HEALTH!!
Three Holy Men and a Bear
From the Laughter Club
Three Holy Men and a Bear
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to
the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper
Peninsula of Michigan .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all
that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would
all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to
convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had
various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found
him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.
So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of
God , he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to
give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both
legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you
KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And
then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him
and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as
a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in
a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors
running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not
have been the best way to start.
Three Holy Men and a Bear
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to
the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper
Peninsula of Michigan .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all
that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would
all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to
convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had
various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found
him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around.
So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of
God , he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to
give him first communion and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both
legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you
KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And
then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted
nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him
and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as
a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in
a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors
running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not
have been the best way to start.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
BRA Skills
You think you know all about bras?
From My InBox:
Q: Which is the striped BRA? zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA? coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA? algeBRA
Q: Zodiacal BRA? liBRA
Q: Magical BRA? aBRAkadaBRA
Q: Religious BRA? BRAhmin! BRAhma!
Q: Metallic bra? BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie's Bra? BRAd pit...
Q: Botany BRA? BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA? BRAnd!
Q: puctuation bra? BRAcket
Q: Scary bra? GhaBRAahat!!!!
Q: A room where BRA's are kept? LiBRAry
Q: Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world? ABRAham Lincoln!
Q: Which bra is very important for any vehicle? BRAke
Q: Brave Bra - BRAvado
Q: Donkeys language? BRAying
Q: Where do naughty thoughts originate? BRAin
AND U THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE A BRA ???
From My InBox:
Q: Which is the striped BRA? zeBRA
Q: Poisonous BRA? coBRA
Q: Mathematical BRA? algeBRA
Q: Zodiacal BRA? liBRA
Q: Magical BRA? aBRAkadaBRA
Q: Religious BRA? BRAhmin! BRAhma!
Q: Metallic bra? BRAss
Q: Anjelina Jolie's Bra? BRAd pit...
Q: Botany BRA? BRAnch
Q: Marketing BRA? BRAnd!
Q: puctuation bra? BRAcket
Q: Scary bra? GhaBRAahat!!!!
Q: A room where BRA's are kept? LiBRAry
Q: Bra which became the American President and inspired the whole world? ABRAham Lincoln!
Q: Which bra is very important for any vehicle? BRAke
Q: Brave Bra - BRAvado
Q: Donkeys language? BRAying
Q: Where do naughty thoughts originate? BRAin
AND U THOUGHT ONLY WOMEN USE A BRA ???
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Stroke - Symptoms and Prevention
From My InBox:
Three years ago I was struck down by a stroke. Three years later I am still stricken with the malady. In the beginning, I asked doctors about the condition and was told that there is no cure for stroke. . I asked about the symptoms and was told there are no symptoms meaning a stroke will attack a person suddenly, without warning. That is bad news, very bad news.
Following my own advice, I did not believe that. So, I thought back to my experiences and I found that there are plenty of signs that a person is susceptible to an attack of the deadly stroke. Hah! If you cannot cure it at least you can prevent it. That is what we should all do. We must choose to avoid the stroke or be condemned to consuming tons of pills whose veracity is questionable. How do we go about that, how can we prevent stroke. Will it be expensive? Will it be time consuming? Before we go into details let us first recognize the symptoms, the signs if you like.
More than thirty years ago, while reversing my car, I suddenly found that I could not move my right leg. It simply refused to obey me. I went to see a doctor immediately and all I got was two days medical leave. That was the first sign that I was heading for a stroke. After two days rest, I was back on my feet as if nothing had happened. I just put it down to work stress and physical and mental exhaustion. When I was afflicted with the stroke and certain parts of my body refused to obey me I realized that I had experienced that feeling before.
I will now endeavor to put down on paper, for you, the other signs so that you may recognize a potential victim before the stroke strikes and be able to take evasive steps to prevent it happening. These signs will be presented randomly as they come to mind.
1. When walking you stumble even on level ground.
2. You kick the legs of chairs and tables when you usually walk pass them effortlessly. 1 & 2 is because your legs are not as strong as they used to be although you do not realize it.
3. You sometimes find you cannot pronounce the 'ar' sound and it comes out as 'el', your speech is slurred and sometimes you drool.
4. The pen you are holding slips from your fingers. Holding up the newspaper can be a problem because your fingers have lost their flexibility. You think it is clumsiness when in truth it is not. It is caused by your muscles having lost their strength.
5. After sitting for some time you find that you cannot stand up as usual. You lose your balance and fall back onto the seat.
6. You also lose your balance when you squat and may find yourself sitting instead of standing up.
7. You are always sleepy even after a good night's sleep. This sleepiness is quite different from the usual tiredness you experience after a restless or late night.
8. Urinating has become a problem. Instead of a strong stream what you get is a trickle and this causes you to go to the toilet often.
9. Constipation becomes more frequent as your rectal muscles do not work well anymore.
10. Sometimes you will find you are forgetful and mental activities become difficult as your brain weakens through lack of nourishment. Blood is not getting through to your brain quickly enough.
Some of these signs will come and go, so much so that you do not take them seriously when they do occur. You tend to pass them off as signs of physical and mental stress and fatigue or in certain cases of aging. Since there is no pain you do not think it necessary to see a doctor. Anyway, the signs come on only momentarily and disappear almost at once. So that you think it is not anything serious and a visit to a doctor is out of the question, until it is too late that is. Then, it is the doctor who has to come to you. Another thing, the signs are similar to many other diseases and illnesses which are quite common. Seeing a doctor would be rather pointless, as far as a stroke is concerned, as you would only describe the symptoms you are experiencing at that particular moment.
Now we come to the important part of this discourse, how do we prevent stroke. What can we do or rather what should we do when these signs appear one by one. Let it be known that I am not a doctor and never in my dreams do I even pretend to be one. So what I am about to tell you is mostly from my own experience. Firstly, when you find that your body is not functioning as it should, that some parts are slacking and not obeying your brain as it normally does, you should start exercising. Go for long walks. Incidentally, you will experience immediate benefits even while exercising, such as clearer vision and mental alertness. Make it a habit to go for walks at least three times a week. Do not stop. I did go for walks but then I stopped when the symptoms disappeared. I made the mistake of not exercising for far too long and then it was too late. The stroke struck!
Remember, regular exercise is very important in promoting blood circulation. Of course, other forms of exercises will be just as good for you. One word of advise, exercises performed with the use of machines are not necessarily the best and that is why I advocate free hand exercises like walking, jogging and swimming.
Drinking lots of water helps immensely. Drink two glasses of water first thing in the morning every morning. Then drink one or two mouthfuls every half hour or whenever thirsty. This is to provide the blood stream with a regular supply of fresh water as our body gets rid of water all the time. We lose water when we breathe, sweat and urinate. Lack of water means poor blood circulation which can lead to stroke.
Eating proper foods is also important and I mean greens and fruits on a daily basis. Everything else can be enjoyed in moderation. A monk who practices healing advised me on certain foods to take to prevent the occurrence of stroke.
It is my pleasure to be able to share it with you here. He said that to prevent stroke I should drink a soup made of one cucumber and one red tomato. Boil them together, strain and drink one or two glasses daily. That will help prevent the blood from coagulating (or is it congealing?). Stroke affects the brain and the best remedy for it is egg yolk. The monk suggested I take the yolk from free-range chickens leaving out the white. The egg must be hard boiled. Consuming egg yolks is also recommended for elderly people as well as school children because it helps to nourish the brain and thus improves memory.
What do we do when someone is suddenly seized by a stroke? Chinese physicians will use a pin to prick the ends of the fingers and toes, all twenty of them, and squeeze out a few drops of blood from each prick. The logic is that by drawing blood one is stimulating the flow of blood. Think of it as unlocking a traffic jam. The needle must first be disinfected by putting it over a flame and wiped clean with tissue paper. Everyone and anyone can do this because there is absolutely no danger whatsoever. Wait, not everybody can do that. Oh? Yes, those people who are afraid of blood, else we will have two patients instead of one.
Okey, you are now as expert as I am in the matter of strokes. Share the information herein with anyone and everyone who is willing to lend you their ears. Perhaps, there will be less people afflicted with the dreaded stroke (slight shiver).
MAY YOU ALL ALWAYS BE WELL,
MAY YOU ALL ALWAYS BE HAPPY.
"A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot have everything. A choice is all that is left
Three years ago I was struck down by a stroke. Three years later I am still stricken with the malady. In the beginning, I asked doctors about the condition and was told that there is no cure for stroke. . I asked about the symptoms and was told there are no symptoms meaning a stroke will attack a person suddenly, without warning. That is bad news, very bad news.
Following my own advice, I did not believe that. So, I thought back to my experiences and I found that there are plenty of signs that a person is susceptible to an attack of the deadly stroke. Hah! If you cannot cure it at least you can prevent it. That is what we should all do. We must choose to avoid the stroke or be condemned to consuming tons of pills whose veracity is questionable. How do we go about that, how can we prevent stroke. Will it be expensive? Will it be time consuming? Before we go into details let us first recognize the symptoms, the signs if you like.
More than thirty years ago, while reversing my car, I suddenly found that I could not move my right leg. It simply refused to obey me. I went to see a doctor immediately and all I got was two days medical leave. That was the first sign that I was heading for a stroke. After two days rest, I was back on my feet as if nothing had happened. I just put it down to work stress and physical and mental exhaustion. When I was afflicted with the stroke and certain parts of my body refused to obey me I realized that I had experienced that feeling before.
I will now endeavor to put down on paper, for you, the other signs so that you may recognize a potential victim before the stroke strikes and be able to take evasive steps to prevent it happening. These signs will be presented randomly as they come to mind.
1. When walking you stumble even on level ground.
2. You kick the legs of chairs and tables when you usually walk pass them effortlessly. 1 & 2 is because your legs are not as strong as they used to be although you do not realize it.
3. You sometimes find you cannot pronounce the 'ar' sound and it comes out as 'el', your speech is slurred and sometimes you drool.
4. The pen you are holding slips from your fingers. Holding up the newspaper can be a problem because your fingers have lost their flexibility. You think it is clumsiness when in truth it is not. It is caused by your muscles having lost their strength.
5. After sitting for some time you find that you cannot stand up as usual. You lose your balance and fall back onto the seat.
6. You also lose your balance when you squat and may find yourself sitting instead of standing up.
7. You are always sleepy even after a good night's sleep. This sleepiness is quite different from the usual tiredness you experience after a restless or late night.
8. Urinating has become a problem. Instead of a strong stream what you get is a trickle and this causes you to go to the toilet often.
9. Constipation becomes more frequent as your rectal muscles do not work well anymore.
10. Sometimes you will find you are forgetful and mental activities become difficult as your brain weakens through lack of nourishment. Blood is not getting through to your brain quickly enough.
Some of these signs will come and go, so much so that you do not take them seriously when they do occur. You tend to pass them off as signs of physical and mental stress and fatigue or in certain cases of aging. Since there is no pain you do not think it necessary to see a doctor. Anyway, the signs come on only momentarily and disappear almost at once. So that you think it is not anything serious and a visit to a doctor is out of the question, until it is too late that is. Then, it is the doctor who has to come to you. Another thing, the signs are similar to many other diseases and illnesses which are quite common. Seeing a doctor would be rather pointless, as far as a stroke is concerned, as you would only describe the symptoms you are experiencing at that particular moment.
Now we come to the important part of this discourse, how do we prevent stroke. What can we do or rather what should we do when these signs appear one by one. Let it be known that I am not a doctor and never in my dreams do I even pretend to be one. So what I am about to tell you is mostly from my own experience. Firstly, when you find that your body is not functioning as it should, that some parts are slacking and not obeying your brain as it normally does, you should start exercising. Go for long walks. Incidentally, you will experience immediate benefits even while exercising, such as clearer vision and mental alertness. Make it a habit to go for walks at least three times a week. Do not stop. I did go for walks but then I stopped when the symptoms disappeared. I made the mistake of not exercising for far too long and then it was too late. The stroke struck!
Remember, regular exercise is very important in promoting blood circulation. Of course, other forms of exercises will be just as good for you. One word of advise, exercises performed with the use of machines are not necessarily the best and that is why I advocate free hand exercises like walking, jogging and swimming.
Drinking lots of water helps immensely. Drink two glasses of water first thing in the morning every morning. Then drink one or two mouthfuls every half hour or whenever thirsty. This is to provide the blood stream with a regular supply of fresh water as our body gets rid of water all the time. We lose water when we breathe, sweat and urinate. Lack of water means poor blood circulation which can lead to stroke.
Eating proper foods is also important and I mean greens and fruits on a daily basis. Everything else can be enjoyed in moderation. A monk who practices healing advised me on certain foods to take to prevent the occurrence of stroke.
It is my pleasure to be able to share it with you here. He said that to prevent stroke I should drink a soup made of one cucumber and one red tomato. Boil them together, strain and drink one or two glasses daily. That will help prevent the blood from coagulating (or is it congealing?). Stroke affects the brain and the best remedy for it is egg yolk. The monk suggested I take the yolk from free-range chickens leaving out the white. The egg must be hard boiled. Consuming egg yolks is also recommended for elderly people as well as school children because it helps to nourish the brain and thus improves memory.
What do we do when someone is suddenly seized by a stroke? Chinese physicians will use a pin to prick the ends of the fingers and toes, all twenty of them, and squeeze out a few drops of blood from each prick. The logic is that by drawing blood one is stimulating the flow of blood. Think of it as unlocking a traffic jam. The needle must first be disinfected by putting it over a flame and wiped clean with tissue paper. Everyone and anyone can do this because there is absolutely no danger whatsoever. Wait, not everybody can do that. Oh? Yes, those people who are afraid of blood, else we will have two patients instead of one.
Okey, you are now as expert as I am in the matter of strokes. Share the information herein with anyone and everyone who is willing to lend you their ears. Perhaps, there will be less people afflicted with the dreaded stroke (slight shiver).
MAY YOU ALL ALWAYS BE WELL,
MAY YOU ALL ALWAYS BE HAPPY.
"A man is too apt to forget that in this world he cannot have everything. A choice is all that is left
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