The bet

From My InBox:

A man walks up to the bar, and speaks to the bartender. "I bet you $500 that I can piss in this cup from across the room." 

The bartender looks at the man like he was nuts and says with a laugh, "Ooook buddy. You got a deal." 

So the man walks over to the other side of the room, pulls down his zipper and just lets it fly. Piss goes everywhere; on the bar, on customers, all over the bartender, but not a drop lands in the cup. 

The man walks back over to the bartender. The bartender says, "Ha ha ha. Well pay up." So the man pays him, turns around and begins to laugh hysterically. 

The bartender asks, "You just lost $500, why are you laughing?" 

The man turns around and says to the bartender, "Well you see that man over there." The bartender says, "Yeah." He replies, "Well, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar and you, and that you would be happy and laugh about it!"

The Australian Poetry Competition

From the Laughter Club:

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old aboriginal.

They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was ‘TIMBUKTU’

First to read his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old aboriginal top that, they thought. The old aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin' went,
Met three whores in a pop up tent;
They were three, and we were two,
So I bucked one, and Tim buktu.

The aboriginal won.

Google URL Shortener

Just discovered Google URL Shortener.  This is where you can paste your very long, long Uniform Resource Locator (URL) to have it shorten:

http://goo.gl/

Here is an example of a very long, long Uniform Resource Locator (URL)...

http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/business/medco-pln-make-power-deal/550395?goback=.gde_4081609_member_175686814#Scene_1

 

...shorten to this:

http://goo.gl/ZxHJc  

It is definitely a shorter link vs what you can get at tinyURL.com

http://tinyurl.com/98u7jhr

This is great for people like me who like to collect links to sites where I can find useful or interesting information.  A shorter link does not take up too much space to save in my file and is also less messy to copy and paste to share it with my friends.

Happy shortening.

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

From My InBox: 

God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill? We're not interested..'
So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honour thy Father and Mother.'

'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'
Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'

'Not steal? We're not interested.'
Then He went to the French and said,
'I have Commandments.'
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
'I have Commandments..'

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.' 

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

From My InBox:

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more!
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time.'
The lady can't take this anymore, "You foul- mouthed sex obsessed pig!" She retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"
'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man, 'Whooza talkin' about sex, I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '...

What clogs up your artieries?

What clog up your artieries?  See for yourself before you grab that cheese burger.

Let's go BAD

It's Blog Action Day. What can we say together to make things happen?

Nothing Without You from Nancy Poh