Are we talking fruits or IT?

Are we talking fruits or IT?  The older folks will know.

From My InBox:

funny quickies

From My InBox:

NO.  1 
A man was  so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples  while she was asleep.  The next day, their driver died of  poisoning.  


NO.2 
A man is  dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son  asked Dad why?  He answered so that when I am dead, no one will sleep  with your mum. 


NO.3 
A lady  lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the  husband. Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear  panties.    

Drinking up some cheers

Christmas is around the corner and if you are looking out for great drinks recipes, check out Drink Project. 

What I like about this site is that you can search recipes for drinks you have tried or you can type in one of the ingredients you have on hand to find out what you can concoct with it.  And if you are not willing to spend too much mixing a wide variety of drinks or ingredients, you can always check out their recipes for drinks that require only two ingredients.

For the more ambitious, there are recipes for drinks using five ingredients.

Merry X'mas and a Happy New Year







 

Donkey business

From My InBox:

Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...

The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's d...ied.'

...Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his two pounds back.'

Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland

Goodbye Mom ...

From My InBox:

Goodbye Mom

 

A  young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old  lady following him  around..  

If he stopped, she stopped.

 

Furthermore, she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's  okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the  clerk.

"How come so much?  I only bought 5  items."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.

 

Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!
  

 Gotcha didn't I.

 

just for laughs

How does one train the mind to think this way?    

From My InBox:

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.

The groom broom was handsome and suave in his morning suit and top hat.

The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE!' said the groom broom.
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'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

Telephone bill

From My InBox:

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a
 Family meeting...on a Saturday morning...after breakfast...     
                                                                          
 Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the  
 phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.     
                                                                          
 Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work  
 telephone                              
                                                                          
 Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
                                                                          
 Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephone !!!!!!!!!!