Silence of Mind!

From My InBox:

                                                         Silence of Mind!

There once was a farmer who discovered that he had lost his watch in the barn. It was no ordinary watch because it had sentimental value for him.

After searching high and low among the hay for a long while; he gave up and enlisted the help of a group of children playing outside the barn. He promised them that the person who found it would be rewarded. Hearing this, the children hurried inside the barn, went through and around the entire stack of hay but still could not find the watch. Just when the farmer was about to give up looking for his watch, a little boy went up to him and asked to be given another chance.

The farmer looked at him and thought, "Why not? After all, this kid looks sincere enough." So the farmer sent the little boy back in the barn. After a while the little boy came out with the watch in his hand! The farmer was both happy and surprised and so he asked the boy how he succeeded where the rest had failed.

The boy replied, "I did nothing but sit on the ground and listen. In the silence, I heard the ticking of the watch and just looked for it in that direction."

Moral : A peaceful mind can think better than a worked up mind. Allow a few minutes of silence to your mind every day, and see, how sharply it helps you to set your life the way you expect it to be! The soul always knows what to do to heal itself.... The challenge is to silence the mind

Frank

From My InBox:

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by.  He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.  You're just like Frank "

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman.  He's a guy who did everything right - all the time.  Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank - every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank.  He was a terrific athlete.  He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis.  He could golf with the pros.  He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"

Cabbie: "There's more.......He had a memory like a computer.  Could remember everybody's birthday.  He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with.  He could fix anything.  Not like me.  I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out."

Passenger.  "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them."

Passenger.  "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - the perfect man!"

Passenger: "An amazing fellow.  How did you meet him?

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his fucking widow."

Irish Ghost Story

From My InBox:

IRISH GHOST STORY
This story happened a while ago in Dublin , and even though it sounds like
an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of
the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a
big storm.

The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so
Strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and it stopped
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into
the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody
behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on. The car started moving
slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching

Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before
the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the
window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched
as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.. Wet
and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about
the horrible experience he had just had.

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying...
And wasn't drunk.

Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark
and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other...

'Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were
pushing it!'

Why teachers drink!

What could be upseting teacher the world over?

From My InBox:

These are so so funny but also sad when you consider the ignorance.


Why Teachers Drink

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q.  Name the four seasons.
A...  Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q.  How is dew formed?
A...  The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q.  What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A...  If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q.  In a democratic society, how important are elections
A...  Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q.  What are steroids?
A...  Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
      (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q.  What happens to your body as you age?
A...  When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A... He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)

Q.  Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A...  Premature death

Q.  What is artificial insemination?
A...  When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q.  How can you delay milk turning sour?
A...  Keep it in the cow
      (Simple, but brilliant)

Q.  How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A...  The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
     The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U

Q.  What is the fibula?
A...  A small lie

Q.  What does 'varicose' mean?
A...  Nearby

Q.  What is the most common form of birth control?
A...  Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
      (That would work)

Q.  Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.
A...  The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q.  What is a seizure?
A...  A Roman Emperor.
      (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q.  What is a terminal illness?
A...  When you are sick at the airport.
      (Irrefutable)

Q.  What does the word 'benign' mean?
A...  Benign is what you will be after you be eight
      (brilliant)

Q.  What is a turbine?
A...  Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
     

EBOLA VIRUS

From My InBox:

Dear Friends,

•There is currently an Ebola outbreak putting all of us at risk.
•Pls help educate all around u by sending this msg to all your contacts..

What is EBOLA?

■It's a virus that attacks a person blood system:

■Ebola is what scientists call a hemorrhagic fever - it operates by making

its victims bleed from almost anywhere on their body.

■Usually victims bleed to death.

■Ebola is highly contagious;

■Being transmitted via contact with body fluids

such as blood, sweat, saliva, semen or other body discharges.

Ebola is however NOT AN AIRBORNE VIRUS!

EXTREMELY deadly:

■ About 90% of people that catch Ebola will die from it.

■It's one of the deadliest diseases in the world, killing in just a few weeks.

■Untreatable(no cure): Ebola has no known treatment or cure (for now).

■Victims are usually treated for symptoms with the faint hope that they recover.

How Do I Know Someone has Ebola?

•Fever

•Headache

•Diarrhea

•Vomiting

•Weakness

•Joint Muscle pains

•Stomach Pain

•Lack of Appetite

Protect Yourself:

■Wash Your Hands with Soap.

■Do this a lot.
■You can also use a good hand sanitizer.
■Avoid unnecessary physical contact with people.

■Restrict yourself to food you prepared yourself.

■Disinfect Your Surroundings.

■The virus cannot survive disinfectants,heat, direct sunlight,detergents and soaps.

Clean up!:

•Fumigate If you have Pests.

•Rodents can be carriers of Ebola.

•Fumigate your environment dispose off the carcasses properly!

•Dead bodies CAN still transmit Ebola.

•Don't touch them without protective gear or better yet avoid them altogether.

Protect Yourself:

•Use protective gear if you must care or go near someone you suspect has Ebola.

Report:

•Report any suspicious symptoms in yourself or anyone else IMMEDIATELY.

Do not delay!

•Educate Everyone:

•Tell your neighbours, colleagues and domestic staff (anyone really).
•Basically you're safer when everyone is educated.

****************************************************************************************************************

The elitist sports

Should you be attracted to men who are into elitist sports?  The kind that historically have been associated with wealth?

From My InBox:

Before fixing damaged it...

If your kids enjoy fixing electronics in the house, ifixit is where you would like them to go to before they renders the gadgets worthless.  

And what else can they learn in the process?