Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Memoirs of IMH (Institute of Mental Health)

From My InBox:

Record I
Patient A: "So how... this book not bad yah?"
Patient B: "Yah agree, excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense, sharp
and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art
- too many character names to remember!!!"
Nurse: "Hey! Can the two of you put the telephone book back to the
original place?"

Record II
A doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what
will happen to you?"
Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."
Doctor: "Hmm...that's normal...so if I were to cut your other ear off,
what will happen then?"
Patient: "I will not be able to see..."
The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"
Patient: "Because my spectacles will fall off..."

Record III
IMH has an old lady who wears black, carries a black umbrella and squats
at the entrance to the IMH everyday without fail, rain or shine.
The doctor wanted to administer treatment for her but decided to
understand her behavior first.
So, the doctor also wears black and carries a black umbrella; squatted
besides her everyday. The days go by...the two of them squatted
side-by-side w/o a single exchange of word. After one solid month, the
old lady finally broke the silence and asked the doctor: "Err...Excuse
me! Are you also a mushroom?"

Record IV
A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. She got curiou! s and went to
take a peek. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.
Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"
Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself..."
Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a
letter to himself?)
So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"
Patient (got impatient): "You crazy ah? I haven't received the letter,
how would I know??"

Record V
Two patients escape from the IMH. They! climbed up a tree and one of
them fell from the tree and started roll ing on the ground.
After a while, the patient below shouted to the one on top: "Hey! How
come you are not coming down yet?"
The patient on top replied: "No. no...I can't...I'm not ripe yet"

Record VI
One patient visited the doctor: "Doc...How? I think I'm a chicken since
the day I was born..."
Doctor: "Wah! That's very serious...Why do you only come and seek
treatment now?" Patient: "Because my family needs me to hatch the

Record VII
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH.
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the
truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare
tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't
fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he
told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple
problem.! ..no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and
fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace
the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why do are
you here at the IMH?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

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