How does one train the mind to think this way?
From My InBox:
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
The groom broom was handsome and suave in his morning suit and top hat.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE!' said the groom broom.
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'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Telephone bill
From My InBox:
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a
Family meeting...on a Saturday morning...after breakfast...
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the
phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work
telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephone !!!!!!!!!!
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a
Family meeting...on a Saturday morning...after breakfast...
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the
phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work
telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephone !!!!!!!!!!
Monday, October 18, 2010
TOXIC SEAFOOD WARNING
Do you feel sleepy while driving after lunch? Does your neck and shoulder ache too? If your answer is yes to both questions, you are likely facing the effects of toxins build up in your body. What can you do about it? Try cutting fish dishes out of your meals for about 2 to 3 weeks and feel the difference.
Industrial waste contaminate the sea and this in turn is poisoning the fish we eat.
Industrial waste contaminate the sea and this in turn is poisoning the fish we eat.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
About Life Without Cell Phones & What Not...
From My InBox:
If you are 30 or older, you might think this is hilarious! but so TRUE..
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile)
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.
When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning...Uphill...Barefoot...
BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no e-mail!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MPH's or HMV or iTunes!
If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!
If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!There weren't any freaking' cell phones either.If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one.
You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends".
Think of the horror...not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please!
You kids have no idea how annoying you are.
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!
It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent...you just didn't know!!!
You had to pick it up and take your chances!
We didn't have any fancy Play Station or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!
We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'.
Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen...Forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!
And our parents told us to stay outside and play...all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside...you were doing chores!
And car seats - please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
And car seats - please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
The Over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile)
Friday, October 15, 2010
just for laughs
Our maid asked for a pay increase.
My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. They had a conversation to this effect, in private.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Mom, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Sir said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
From My InBox:
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Sir did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Mom ...the driver did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. They had a conversation to this effect, in private.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Mom, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Sir said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
From My InBox:
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Sir did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Mom ...the driver did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Spread the Stupidity
From My InBox:
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ..........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..
Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while. Spread the Stupidity!
GO COWBOYS!!!!!
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