From My InBox:
Mick and Paddy had promised their Uncle Seamus, who had been a seafaring gent all his life, to bury him at sea when he died.
Of course, in due time, he did pass away and the boys kept their promise.
They set off with Uncle Seamus all stitched up in a burial bag and loaded onto their rowboat.
After a while Mick says, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out, Paddy?'
Without a word Paddy slips over the side only to find himself standing in water up to his knees.
'Dis'll never do, Mick. Let's row some more.'
After a bit more rowing Paddy slips over the side again but the water is only up to his belly, so they row on.
Again Mick asks Paddy, 'Do yer tink dis is fer enuff out Paddy?'
Once again Paddy slips over the side and almost immediately says, 'No dis'll neva do.' The water was only up to his chest.
So on they row and row and row and finally Paddy slips over the side and disappears.
Quite a bit of time goes by and poor Mick is really getting himself into a state when suddenly Paddy breaks the surface gasping for breath.
'Well is it deep enuff yet, Paddy?'
'Aye 'tis,
NOW hand me dat shovel.'
Sunday, September 25, 2011
LIFE' THOUGHTS BY 'DUCKY
From The Laughter Club.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
A completely brilliant question!!!!!!!
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Another completely brilliant question!!!!
And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
You just might want to pass this along...
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN!
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't you know it....
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
A completely brilliant question!!!!!!!
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -
and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Another completely brilliant question!!!!
And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
You just might want to pass this along...
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Free learning at Khan Academy
You can save on paying tuition fees if you allow your children to learn online at Khan Academy.
What can they learn there? Plenty as there are over 2400 videos from arithmetic to physics, and finance to learn from. And you don't have to pay anything because the project is funded by Bill Gates Foundation.
Will the lessons be boring for the children? Check one out yourself.
If you don't find that boring, why should they? They are more likely to get hook on it if they are into "earning badges and points".
What can they learn there? Plenty as there are over 2400 videos from arithmetic to physics, and finance to learn from. And you don't have to pay anything because the project is funded by Bill Gates Foundation.
Will the lessons be boring for the children? Check one out yourself.
If you don't find that boring, why should they? They are more likely to get hook on it if they are into "earning badges and points".
Sunday, September 11, 2011
NOT EVERYONE CAN TELL JOKES
From My InBox:
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause!!
A week later, a top manager trained by the speaker tried to crack this good joke at home.
But he was already a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner:
"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went: "Huh??!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the man finally blurted out:
"....and I can't remember who she was!"
By the time he regained consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.
![]()
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He Said : "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause!!
A week later, a top manager trained by the speaker tried to crack this good joke at home.
But he was already a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner:
"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went: "Huh??!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the man finally blurted out:
"....and I can't remember who she was!"
By the time he regained consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.
Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
just for laughs
had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively. 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?' | ||
Loving Couple
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed
by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as:
Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's
wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind
about 10 years a go, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is."
by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as:
Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc.
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's
wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind
about 10 years a go, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old bitch what it is."
Two Woodpeckers
From My InBox:
So, this Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat... Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country? After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton were right, when they said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
So, this Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat... Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country? After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton were right, when they said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Two women were playing golf
From The Laughter Club:
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
What's drowning like?
What's drowning like? This is a question I never thought of asking until I read a newsletter from Dr Ben Kim. It reminded me of a near drowning experience I had as a kid, which was exactly what was described in this video. Watch it and you may save a life one day.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Save RM2 per month
Pay your TM Streamyx Internet Bill by Visa credit card through auto pay facilities provided by TM and save RM2 per month plus a chance to win a prize.
To be eligible for TM Autopay Visa promotion, you need to:
1) be a subscriber to TM products and services.
2) be a principal or supplementary Visa cardholder, either credit or debit cards with an active account.
3) register online at http://www.tmonline.com.my/ or pick up relevant form the nearest TMpoint. Fill it up and submit it there or fax it to 03-2240 8242 or 03-2240 8204 or 03 – 2240 1670
This promotion ends on Sept 30, 2011.
Read more about it from thestar, at the following link:
http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2010/4/16/central/6048237&sec=central
To be eligible for TM Autopay Visa promotion, you need to:
1) be a subscriber to TM products and services.
2) be a principal or supplementary Visa cardholder, either credit or debit cards with an active account.
3) register online at http://www.tmonline.com.my/ or pick up relevant form the nearest TMpoint. Fill it up and submit it there or fax it to 03-2240 8242 or 03-2240 8204 or 03 – 2240 1670
This promotion ends on Sept 30, 2011.
Read more about it from thestar, at the following link:
http://thestar.com.my/metro/story.asp?file=/2010/4/16/central/6048237&sec=central
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
