Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Talk shit can make money?

If you are thinking who gives a crap if anyone can make money talking shit, you are closer to the answer than you think.

Pick this art of selling from guru, Simon Griffiths, and learn how to make money talking shit and still be seen kind and popular = making money.

 

This is how he managed to raised USD50K to start his "Who Gives A Crap" toilet paper business.

 

Love his sense of humour.  Don't you?

Children? Should always be seen and heard.

I made a very serious mistake before.  Leaving my son unattended while I was shopping for clothes.  I left him on a coin operated electric kids rocking machine just outside the shop.  Each time, he called me I will answer, "Mummy is here", assuming that the little three year child could see me and could hear me answering him.

Imagine the fear I felt when I came out of the shop and he was no where in sight.  I kept calling his name and walk around the street, frantically looking for him.  He did not response to my calls.  I must looked pretty crazy; on the verge of tears.   Everyone was looking at me.

Finally, after 5 minutes of looking, I found him.  He got bored waiting.  He left the machine to move on to another further down the shop and fell asleep on it.  Believe me, you don't want to go through this experience.  That 5 minutes of searching felt like hours to me.

My son is now 16 but each time, I hear the announcement in a shopping complex that a child was found unattended and crying, I will remember the ordeal I went through.  I was lucky that my son was not taken away from me.  And, if you wonder if that could happen that easily, watch this video.

Euphemisms?

I learn a new word today.   Euphemism.  What that is about is words or expression that are considered offensive or unpleasant being replaced with words that are more pleasant to the listener.

If you can't get what I mean, hear it from Geoge Calin in this video.

Smart Arse Answers!

From My InBox:

The last one is a worthy winner. 

6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. 

'What are my choices?' the man asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eyelid, she said,

'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
4th Place

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, madam, they're all dead.'
3rd Place

The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he had stopped for speeding.

'I've been waiting for you all day,' the copper said.

The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
2nd Place
A truck driver was driving along a country road.

A sign came up that read 'Low Bridge Ahead'.

Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.

Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cabin,

and said to the driver,

'Got stuck, eh?'

The truck driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'

SMART-ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR 

A teacher at a college reminded her pupils of the next day's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being heretomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-arsed kid at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 

'What would happen if I came intomorrowsuffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,

'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'

The other worldComm

From My InBox:

Yesterday I went to buy joss sticks and joss paper to pray for my ancestors. 

The towkay asked me if I want to buy paper iphone to burn for my ancestors. I said they know how to use or not? He said Steve Jobs already there, can teach them to use. I said ok loh. 

He asked want to buy casing? I also said ok. 

Next he asked me if I wanted Bluetooth? I said might as well loh. 

What about charger? I said need charger meh? He said of course lah, after battery no power how? So I bought the charger also. 

Then I asked for his name card. He said why you need my name card?

I said I burn for my ancestors. For warranty claim, they will contact you direct.

Bill Cosby Jr

From My InBox:

This is actually word for word what he said to a gathering of students who asked about the bailout in America …

Great response….

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .....
This man deserves a Nobel Prize

 

'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English

I can't even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be...

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.

And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads
You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.

These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.

$500 sneakers for what?

And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.

Where were you when he was 2?

Where were you when he was 12?

Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?

And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?

People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something?

Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from??

We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa.....

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.

I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents.

I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany, Scotland, England, Ireland, or the Netherlands.

The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa. So stop, already!!!

With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ......... and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.

We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read.

We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.

We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.'

Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed. D.



WELL SAID, BILL

It's NOT about color...

It's about behavior!!!

Dating girl in China.

From My InBox:

Dating a Chinese girl can be a challenge when communicating in English !!!

Always understand what they are saying!

I met an attractive Chinese girl in a friend's wedding, I asked her if she would give me her mobile number so I could call her.

She got all excited and said: "SEX SEX SEX WANT FREE SEX TONIGHT. "

... Wow such a hot girl !...

But then, my friend interpreted for me and told me what she really said was:
6 6 6 13 6 2 9.....

It's Blog Action Day!

It's Blog Action Day and we are talking about Human Rights issues.  Find out what this is about and join us.

Human rights for blog action day from Nancy Poh

Obituary printed in the London Times

From My InBox:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
         

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

 - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; 
 - Why the early bird gets the worm; 
 - Life isn't always fair; 
 - and maybe it was my fault. 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. 

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. 

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.. 

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. 

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. 

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. 

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. 

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; 
I Know My Rights 
I Want It Now 
Someone Else Is To Blame 
I'm A Victim 

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on.
If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Layman's Ten Commandments

From My InBox:

Guidance.....

Someone has written these beautiful words.

Must read and try to understand the deep meaning of it. They are like the ten commandments to follow in life all the time.
  
1. Prayer is not a "spare wheel" that you pull out when in trouble, but it is a "steering wheel" that directs the right path throughout.

2. So why is a car's windshield so large and the rear view mirror so small?  Because our past is not as important as our future.  So, look ahead and move on.

3. Friendship is like a book. It takes few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

4. All things in life are temporary. If it's going well, enjoy it, that won't last long. If it's going badly, don't worry, that won't last long either.

5. Old friends are gold! New friends are diamonds! If you get a diamond, don't forget the gold! Because to hold a diamond, you always need a base of gold!

6. Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, "Relax, sweetheart, it's just a bend, not the end!"

7. When God solves your problems, you have faith in His abilities; when God doesn't solve your problems, He has faith in your abilities.

8. A blind person asked St. Anthony, "Can there be anything worse than losing eye sight?" He replied, "Yes, losing your vision!"

9. When you pray for others, God listens to you and blesses them; sometimes, when you are safe and happy, remember that someone has prayed for you.

10. Worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles, it takes away today's peace.

If you really enjoy this, please pass to others.  It may brighten someone's  day.

HAVE A GREAT DAY AHEAD

Thought provoking

From My InBox:

A Lot Of Trouble Would Disappear
If Only People Would Learn To Talk To One Another
Instead Of Talking About One Another .....

When People Walk Away From You, Let Them Go.
Your Destiny Is Never Tied To Anyone Who Leaves You.
It Doesn't Mean They Are Bad People.
It Just Means That Their Part In Your Story Is Over.. !

People nowadays are like Bluetooth,
If you stay close they stay connected,
If you go away they find new devices...

Human Life Would Be Perfect If... 
Anger Had A STOP Button
Mistakes Had A REWIND Button
Hard Times Had A FORWARD Button
And Good Times A PAUSE Button !!

Always Welcome Your Problems,
Because Problems Gives You Dual Advice,
Firstly, You Can Know How To Solve Them,
Secondly, You Learn How To Avoid Them In Future,
Have Faith In GOD And Yourself…!

Reflection Cannot Be Seen In Boiling Water,
In The Same Way,
Truth Cannot Be Seen In A State Of Anger!
Analyze Before You Finalize.

Success Is Like A Beautiful Lover
It Will Leave Us At Anytime,
But Failure Is Like A Mother
It Will Teach Us Some Important Lessons Of Life!

A Good Heart Can Win Many Relationships,
A Good Nature Can Win Many Good Hearts!

A TOUCH Could HEAL A Wound
An Eye Could SPEAK Volumes
A SMILE Can Confirm I AM THERE !!

The Bird Asked The Bumblebee:
"You Work So Hard To Make The Honey 
And Humans Just Take It Away,
Doesn't It Make You Feel Bad?"
"No," Said The Bee, "Because They Will Never
Take From Me The Art Of Making It."

A positive attitude is an intellectual choice.

Aladdin's Magic lamp

From My InBox:

A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp. She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.            

                                

The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her the following wishes:

1- I want my husband to have eyes ONLY for me.
2- I want to be the ONLY one in his life
3- I want him to sleep always by my side
4- I want that when he gets up in the morning I'm the first thing he grabs and takes me everywhere he goes. 

The Genie immediately turns her into a      Mobile  phone.....!

Puns for Educated Minds

My friend warned me that some of these puns are repeats.  I replied that at my age, I continue to laugh over stale jokes / puns because they still look fresh to me.

From My InBox:

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it....

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro - what a rip off!

 

Irish Humor

From My InBox:

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the  envelope "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it   up.   ------------   --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------   -- Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", shouts  Paddy, "this is her husband!" ------------   --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------   --- An old  Irish  farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says  "Why don't you put an advert in the  paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put  in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the Irishman replies: "They have to go backwards. If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy rings his new girlfriend's door bell, with a big bunch of flowers. She opens the door, sees the flowers, and drags him in.  She lies back on the couch, pulls her skirt up, rips her knickers off and says  'This is for the flowers!'   'Don't be silly,' says Paddy, 'You must have a vase somewhere!'

Asking for attention and not getting it?

Asking for attention and not getting it?  Understand what you are doing wrong so that you can stop doing just that!

The size of the balls vs Your status

From My InBox:

INTERESTING OBSERVATION ........

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is SOCCER.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BASKETBALL.

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is RUGBY.

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is CRICKET.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure,

the smaller your balls become.

There must be a ton of people

in the Government playing.....

Marbles !!!!

Class retirement speech by P. P. Ramachandran

From My InBox:

Class retirement speech

Speech by P. P. Ramachandran, Post graduate in Economics from the Bombay University. After serving in the Reserve Bank for forty long years, retired at the age of 60 - a speech given at a Senior Citizen's Association in Bombay, India.

 

LIVING HAPPILY AFTER RETIREMENT

Thank you Senior Citizen's Association for having invited me and giving me an opportunity to be with all of you this evening. Now, I will share with you some of my personal beliefs on the subject allotted to me, “Living Happily After Retirement”. Retirement is a problem peculiar to our generation. In the times of our fathers and grandfathers, retirement was not much of a problem.

There are three reasons for this.

First, Life Expectancy.

Fifty years ago, the life expectancy at the age of retirement was fixed at 55 or at most 60. A study of Government records revealed that very few people enjoyed pension for more than five years at that time. Most people died before sixty and consequently spending five years after retirement did not pose any major problem.

Today Life Expectancy after retirement at 58 or 60 - is 75 years which means half of your working life is still left after retirement. To give you an example two Senior Officers of Reserve Bank of India (RBI) died at 93 years—35 years after retirement.

The second reason is the change in the family structure.

Half a century ago, most people were in a joint extended family. The day you laid down office, you still had a large family around you. Surely, in a large family there was always something you could do that was meaningful and made you feel you were contributing to the family. Today the family has become nuclear—husband, wife, children. By the time one retires, the children have gone away. In good old times, daughters used to get married and promptly go away. Nowadays sons get married and very often shift out to stay with their wife from the first night itself! What is left is the old couple— You for Me and Me for you. This is not particularly easy to accept and adjust to after retirement.

                                                                                        

The third reason is the problem of “Roots.”

In the old days, people used to have a “native place” and an “ancestral home”. They looked forward to going there and settling down after retirement. Today, there is nothing left in terms of native place. People often are confused as to where to settle.

These three problems make retirement planning a crucial item. If you have planned for retirement you can anticipate and tackle these problems. People are not accustomed to the idea of staying by themselves. If one asks an audience of prospective retirees and their wives,  “How many of you expect to stay after retirement with your children, hardly one hand goes up. If some husband raises his hand, his wife immediately slaps it down saying, “I’ll be damned if I am going to stay with my daughter-in-law!” So it is a tough problem to think about old people staying—just the two of them. This makes planning all the more significant.

The most difficult problem that we face after retirement is the psychological one.

When an executive retires, he is at the peak of his career—his status, prestige and financial status. The moment he lays down his job, all these desert him. He discovers that “Everything becomes Less and Less”. The first thing he notices is the way his status and prestige are affected. Even at home, the retired person is no longer the important person. If he demands of his wife an early breakfast, she will promptly admonish him, “You are retired now. So take it easy. Let those employed go first!” He is no longer “Numero Uno”. A friend of mine who was a Senior Executive in RBI was getting 500 greeting cards and diaries/calenders for the New Year. After one year of retirement it dwindled to fifty and this year he got ten. Greeting cards, calenders and diaries are surely an indicator of the respect you received when you are employed.

The most immediate problem on retirement is time-management.

We all have twenty four hours at our disposal, whether we like it or not. When you are a senior executive you work for ten, twelve or even fifteen hours and you feel “Suppose I had two hours more how nice it would be! I could do more to finish my work and life would be easier the next work day.”

After retirement, we have twenty four hours and nothing to do! Result – misery and this is one thing one likes to spread! No man wants to be miserable alone. He will make as many people miserable as he can. A man who has nothing to do will harass people around him. Turning on head the Benthamite principle of maximization of welfare—maximisation of 'ill-fare'!

There are two solutions to this problem.

One is to continue to do the same work one was doing at the time of retirement.

The first option is very convenient but where is such an opportunity for the majority? There is the temptation to wangle out an extension but this does lead to compromising principles which many succumb to regrettably. I have seen Senior Officers accepting jobs as liaison officers and standing outside the office cubicle of their subordinates and seek favours from them.But how long-lasting is this solution? Extension merely postpones the problem. It crops up again quite swiftly.

The second option is to do something different, i.e. option to get another job.

An executive can get another job provided he is willing to sacrifice self-respect. Generally jobs are given by the previous employer’s suppliers or may be found in other organizations. In commercial organizations, officers are employed to get orders and collect bills speedily from their previous employers. So you will agree that this is no solution.

All of you are aware that the book Bard of Avon - William Shakespeare wrote of the “Seven Stages of Man”. Modern psychologists have abridged it to four and these are thus.

Before finding a girl — Spiderman

After engagement ------ Superman

10 years after marriage - Watchman

20 years after marriage - Doberman

                                                                                      

After this lighter side I revert to post-retired life. The retired official is likely to fall into four dysfunctional time options.

The first is “Withdrawal”

Many retired people, the day they retire from their job, withdraw from Life and within a few months they just pass away. When you ask a doctor he will tell you I can give a medical term but this is a case of “simple lack of will to live”.

The second time management option is “ritual”

A person can create a ritual for himself. He gets up at a specific time, does different activities at a specific time and this invariably results in misery for others if that specific time frame is not adhered to. While he has in essence nothing to do, he is trying to make his activities meaningful. This leads to a meaningless ritual.

The third option is Pastime

Many people get together and embark on a combined ritual which is called pastime. This too does not add to the meaningfulness of life.

The last option turns out to be even mischievous

It is playing games — not physical ones like badminton, tennis but psychological ones where you try to manipulate people, get into their problems, complicate them and generally enlarge the tension around you. Many a respectable person indulges in this and creates problems where none existed.

The alternative to these are Functional options

The first is become a Consultant.

Lurking inside every executive is a Consultant. But for this, considerable expertise is required. Not everyone can be successful as a consultant.

The second option is to start your own Business or Industry.

But this calls for entrepreneurial qualities which an executive may lack. Many are also faced with the finances to start and sustain a business and stay profitable.

                                  

The third option is to involve oneself in professional activities.

For this, one must build up one’s position even before retirement. Many cliques operate to prevent outsiders from encroachment.

                                                                                          

The fourth is to get into spiritual activities.

While nobody is required between you and God, nowadays, we find more and more godmen, swamijis, pseudo Gurus some even US returned. There is a temptation to follow some Swamiji or even become one yourself. This is a very slippery slope. Beware –there are more hoaxes in the religious field than anywhere else!

The last and most meaningful option is to cultivate a Hobby.

Use your creative abilities and do something that you enjoy doing. You should start this even while in service.

We live in three Boxes.

First is the Box of Learning, which starts from birth and goes on till 20 plus.

Second  is the Box of Work which commences at 20 plus and goes on up to 58 or 60—the age of retirement.

Third is the Box of Leisure.

When we are in the Box of Work what is significant is Status, Prestige, Power—all these we aspire for and it is what we get from working life. The more we get, the happier we are. The day we retire, we move into Box 3—the one of Leisure. If we have to enjoy this we have to change our psychological position and appreciate creativity, autonomy and integrity. When you were a small child of two or three, did status, prestige or money mean anything? What you wanted was autonomy, creativity. A child is always creative. It enjoys creativity. One example. When visitors come you ask your child, “Pushpa -Sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'”. She will not sing. You shout at her. You tell your visitors proudly she is three only and knows twelve nursery songs. The moment the guests are gone and your maid comes for cleaning, your daughter will sing to her all the twelve songs. The child has its own values!

By the time we enter the Box of Work, values change. We are not taught to respect our autonomy but fall in line—conformity is the rule. If the son plays the violin, his mother will come and tell him, “Playing the Violin now? Study now. Your exam is coming and you must do well. Getting into university and getting a good education is so very important. Life is competitive, dear son.”

When we enter the Box of Leisure, values change. Your psychological position has to change too. New values of creativity, integrity and autonomy emerge. Hobbies are an excellent way of getting Leisure Value. Everybody must identify his hobby that he can enjoy. Don't bother about Power, Prestige and Status.

An individual can live in one box only or interchange or combine the boxes. You can have learning, work and leisure together. One can even take up a hobby that is financially productive. As time passes one learns.

The real problem of retirement is that people refuse to face the problem. The mantra is “Let us cross the bridge when we come to it.” This is not correct and is not encouraged. Since we live in three Boxes we must prepare ourselves for crossing from one to the other. Structuring our time is the prime requirement. In the beginning, you are contributing to Value. Think of Transfer Value. After retirement you can think of Leisure Value. Develop good hobbies which incorporates your creativity, autonomy and integrity. I have taken to writing. (Rajaji, Kalam and H R F Keating.)

                                    

You will lead a happy life.

Retirement is not adding “Years to your Life but adding Life to your Years”.Retirement is not a calamity but an opportunity.

I would like to advocate some basic qualities one must cultivate.

There are two ways to look at every situation in life. Is the cup half empty or is the cup half full. One man was not worried about him becoming bald. He declared “I have less hair to comb!” Another man in an identical situation moaned, “I have more face to wash!”

                                                                             

Always remember that you are loved, even when it does not seem like it.

 

Believe in yourself and your values.

Don’t sell out when things go wrong.

Don’t let anything get you down. Always bounce back.

Set goals for your future and never settle for anything less.

Realise that there are others in this world with bigger problems than you.

Appreciate the good things of life - Sunrise, Sunset, Flowers, Birds, Good Healthy Food, Exercise, Travel etc.

Be thankful for the good times you have with your loved ones.

Spend more time with your family and friends. Make new friends with younger people.

Appreciate the simple things of Life and don’t get caught up in the material things of life.

Be an optimist and see the Cup as being Half Full.

Before long, your attitude will rub of on others.

You can make the world a better place to live by simply making yourself a happier person.

Let me conclude with an allegorical story.

First God created the Cow and said, “You must go with farmer daily to the field all day long and suffer under the Sun, have calves, give milk and help the farmer. I give you a span of sixty years.” The Cow said, “That’s surely tough. Give me only twenty years. I give back forty years.”

On Day Two God created the Dog and told him, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at strangers. I give you a span of twenty years.” The Dog said, “Too long time for barking. I give up ten years.”

On the third day God created the Monkey and said to him, “Entertain people. Make them laugh. I give you Twenty years.” The Monkey said to God, “How boring, Monkey tricks for twenty years. Give me only Ten years”. Lord agreed.

On the fourth day God created Man. He told him, “Eat, sleep, play, enjoy and do nothing. I will give you twenty years.”

Man said, “Only twenty years. No way. I will take my Twenty and give me the Forty the cow gave back, the Ten that the Monkey returned, and the Ten the Dog surrendered. That makes eighty. OK?” OK said God.

That is why for the first twenty years we sleep, play, enjoy and do nothing.

For the next forty years we slave in the sun and at work to support our family.

For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren.

And for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Thank you all, may you all live to a 100. God Bless .

The farmer

From My InBox:

A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. 
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. 

She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband
to defend me..

How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall,
pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens,
and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top
of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

Women live longer than men. Need proof?

Women live longer than men.  Need proof?  Watch this.

From My InBox: