ONIONS. Not for cooking only.

From My InBox:


>> ONIONS! I had never heard this!!!
>> PLEASE READ TO THE END: IMPORTANT
>>
>> In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor
>> that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the
>> flu...
>> Many of the farmers and their families had contracted it and many died.
>>
>> The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was
>> very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was
>> different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a
>> dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then).
>> The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the
>> onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he
>> did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously
>> absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.
>>
>> Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser. She said that several
>> years ago, many of her employees were coming down with the flu, and so
>> were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls
>> with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got
>> sick. It must work. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year
>> and we never got the flu.
>>
>> Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who
>> regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied
>> with this most interesting experience about onions:
>>
>> Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmer's story...but,
>> I do know that I contacted pneumonia, and, needless to say, I was very
>> ill... I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an
>> onion put it into an empty jar, and place the jar next to the sick
>> patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from
>> the germs...sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a
>> mess and I began to feel better.
>>
>> Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed
>> around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have
>> powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
>>
>> This is the other note. Lots of times when we have stomach problems we
>> don't know what to blame. Maybe it's the onions that are to blame.
>> Onions absorb bacteria is the reason they are so good at preventing us
>> from getting colds and flu and is the very reason we shouldn't eat an
>> onion that has been sitting for a time after it has been cut open.
>>
>> LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
>>
>> I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers
>> of mayonnaise. Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to
>> share what I learned from a chemist.
>>
>> Ed, who was our tour guide, is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour,
>> someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People
>> are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will
>> surprise you. Ed said that all commercially-made mayo is completely
>> safe.
>>
>> "It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it,
>> but it's not really necessary." He explained that the pH in mayonnaise
>> is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment.
>> He then talked about the summer picnic, with the bowl of potato salad
>> sitting on the table, and how everyone blames the mayonnaise when
>> someone gets sick.
>>
>> Ed says that, when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the
>> officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS and where
>> those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the
>> mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade mayo) that spoils in the
>> outdoors. It's probably the ONIONS, and if not the onions, it's the
>> POTATOES.
>>
>> He explained onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially
>> uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced
>> onion.. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and
>> put it in your refrigerator.
>>
>> It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a
>> bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those
>> onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!). Ed says if you
>> take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be
>> okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich,
>> you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in a
>> potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any
>> commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
>>
>> Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions.
>>
>> Please remember it is dangerous to cut an onion and try to use it to
>> cook the next day, it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night
>> and creates toxic bacteria which may cause adverse stomach infections
>> because of excess bile secretions and even food poisoning.

What you can't get from your tablet.

What you can't get from your tablet.

From My InBox:

MY DOCTOR...

From The Laughter Club:

Let me tell you about my doctor. He's very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He'll go out and come in again.
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn't paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, "Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, "Doctor, doctor! - my son just swallowed a roll of film!" The doctor calmly replied, "Let's just wait and see what develops."
~~~~~
One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious memory problem." The doctor asked,"When did it start?" The man replied, "When did what start?"
~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice: "Don't answer it."
~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell." The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Here, take these - If they don't work, give me a ring."
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating. You wait a month and a half for an appointment, then he says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

The Pope's Chauffeur

From My InBox:

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms/hr. (Remember, the Pope is German.)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph. 'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'



Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

The email

From The Laughter Club:

The mother-in-law, comes home and finds her son-in-law furious and packing his suitcase."What happened?" 

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife, your daughter! saying that I was coming home from my trip today. I got home and guess what I found?...My wife, your daughter, yes my Mariam, with a naked guy on our marital bed! This is the end of our marriage, I will leave forever" 

"Calm down!" says mother-in-law. "There is something odd about this story. Mariam would never do such a thing! Wait a minute while I check what happened." 

Moments later, mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "You see, I knew there must be a simple explanation....Mariam didn't receive your email"

The painter

From the Laughter Club:

A Newfoundland painter by the name of Skipper Drover, while not a brilliant
scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame
grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him in
Long Harbour for his paintings.

One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo
and asked Skipper if he would paint her in the nude.
This was the first time anyone had made this request and it had Skipper
a bit perturbed. The beautiful lady told him that money was no object; in fact,
she was willing to pay up to $50,000.

Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Skipper asked the lady to wait while
he went in the house and conferred with Rose, his missus.

In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "T'would be me pleasure to
paint yer portrait, missus. The wife says it's okay. I'll paint ya in da nude, but
I has ta leave me socks on so I has a place to wipe me brushes..."