Wives don't find this funny

From My InBox:

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – "Which book has helped you most in your life?" The woman replied – "My husband's cheque book !!" A prospective husband in a book store "Do you have a book called, 'Husband – the Master of the House'? Sales Girl : "Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!". Someone asked an old man : "Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What's the secret ? Old man : I forgot her name and I'm scared to ask her. Wife : I wish I was a newspaper. So I'd be in your hands all day. Husband : I too wish that you were a newspaper. So I could have a new one every day ! Husband to wife – Today is a fine day. Next day he says : Today is a fine day. Again next day, he says same thing – Today is a fine day. Finally after a week, the wife can't take it and asks her husband – since last one week, you are saying this "Today is a fine day'. I am fed up. What's the matter? Husband : Last week when we had an argument, you said, "I will leave you one fine day." I was just trying to remind you……"

About getting older

From My InBox:

I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 73. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't even have to cross the road! ~~~~~ Answering machine message, "I am not available right now, But thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes." ~~~~~ My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine. ~~~~~ Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. ~~~~~ Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting. ~~~~~ The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere. ~~~~~ God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question. ~~~~~ I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. ~~~~~ Every morning is the dawn of a new error. ~~~~~ Aspire to inspire before you expire. ~~~~~

Phenomenal Photos

From My InBox: 

How in the world do they get these photos! The patience must be incredible. The last one is the best.

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Change the poster

If you are asked to change the wordings on this image, what will it be?  I would like to see it read,

"They don't teach them like they do before.  It used to be ladies first!

From My InBox:

GARY IS IN THE HOSPITAL

From My InBox:

Who in the hell is Gary?
Well Gary is the guy who gets home late one night and Marilyn his wife, says "Where the hell have you been?"Gary replies "I was out getting a tattoo!"

"A tattoo"? She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly."What the hell were you thinking"? She said, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a Certified Public Accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

Gary is in the River Bend Hospital, Critical Care Unit, Room 233

Brilliant Advertising

From My InBox:

Brilliant Advertising "When I write an advertisement, I don't want you to tell me that you find it 'creative.'  I want you to find it so interesting that you buy the product." The headline is a beautiful play of words. Save Trees. Trees save. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  This is a very catchy ad for a karate school. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  The copy says: "Harry's bread. Nice and Soft." Indeed. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  If you think, You can.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  A very interesting print ad by Frizz skin salon. Catchy.  ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  Thank God the zoom was invented...  ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  And here is one of the best anti-smoking ad, released by Cancer Patients Aid Association. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  A very simple but hard-hitting advertisement by the Mumbai Traffic Police on the importance of wearing helmet. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  One of the best, by Seagram, that asks drivers to choose carefully between two things:  ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  Here is a very creative use of bowling alleys to advertise for dental implant insurance. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________  IWC, the famous Swiss watch makers, used these stickers on the holds in airport buses to catch the attention of travelling pilots and other passengers for their new "Big Pilot's Watch". ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________

A "Don't Drink and Drive" campaign by Vasir breweries on their beer bottle caps. Upon opening the bottle, the car printed on the cap appears bent, and on reverse we have the simple slogan.  Very simple but effective.

Try looking for cheap flights

From My InBox:

The wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.

I told her I was looking for cheap flights.

"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited, unzipped my trousers and gave me the most amazing sex ever....


which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before.

Don't Miss The Fine Print

If you are wondering what it means when they say don't miss reading the fine print before signing any document...

From My InBox:

Very Clear Signboards

How do you get your message across?  Here are some ideas how others get theirs through.

From My InBox:

The Fine Print