MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

From My InBox:

> > NICKNAMES
> >
> > * If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
> > * If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
> >
> > EATING OUT
> >
> > * When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
> > * When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
> >
> > MONEY
> >
> > * A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> > * A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
> >
> > BATHROOMS
> >
> > * A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, deodorant and a towel .
> > * The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
> >
> > ARGUMENTS
> >
> > * A woman has the last word in any argument.
> > * Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
> >
> > FUTURE
> >
> > * A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> > * A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> >
> > SUCCESS
> >
> > * A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> > * A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
> >
> > MARRIAGE
> >
> > * A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> > * A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
> >
> > DRESSING UP
> >
> > * A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
> > * A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
> >
> > NATURAL
> >
> > * Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> > * Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
> >
> > OFFSPRING
> >
> > * Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
> > * A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
> >
> > THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
> > A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!




(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!