Married Life !!...heheheh

From My InBox:

* They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true. As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

* Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.

* Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

* Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.

* Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

* Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

* Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

* Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Blog Action Day 2009

Blog Action Day 2009 is on October 15.



Have you registered at www.blogactionday.org?

Travelers Insurance Ad

From My InBox:

Did I read that correctly??

From My InBox:

Did I read that sign right?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh.

World Habitat Day

The United Nations has chosen the first Monday in October to be World Habitat Day.

So, 5 October 2009 is a day to remind everybody that affordable and adequate housing should be a priority everywhere. Here is a video posted by Habitat for Humanity on YouTube highlighting the plights of people living in Capotillo, an informal settlement in Santo Domingo and...



...the effects of living in such an environment for their children.



If you would like to spread the news about World Habitat Day visit Habitat for Humanity to find out what you can do to promote this cause.

TGIF

From My InBox:

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'
The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying.....'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink my damn poison.'



A lion was getting married....
at his wedding was a mouse shouting away...
and congratulating the lion
"all the best my brother.... good luck....."
Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother...
another Lion grabs the mouse in anger and asks:

"Who the hell do you think you are.....
How can a lion be your brother......
you are only a mouse....."

The Mouse replies....
"I was also a Lion before I got married"

Two Garbage Bags

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, ' Ma ' am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag. '

'Oh, really? Darn! ' says the little old lady. ' I ' d better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me... '

'Well, now, not so fast, ' says the cop. ' How did you get all that money? ' ' You didn ' t steal it, did you? '

'Oh, no ' , says the little old lady. ' You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, ' $20 or off it comes. '

'Well, that seems only fair. ' laughs the cop. OK? Good luck!

Oh, by the way, what ' s in the other bag? '

'Well, you know ' , says the little old lady, ' not everybody pays. '

All about branding.

Want to know what branding is about? Tim Stock shared the details very clearly.

The Psychology of Objects (Design Research Methods)

View more documents from Tim Stock.

Jokes for Adults

From My InBox:

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their
entry is Restricted!

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the
greedy...


New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same
position with different women.

Why is Sex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow
you'll have to do it again..


Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to
death.


Q: Why do 90% of gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% of boys are right handed.


Q: What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE
CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over,
but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR..... it is SHOWTIME!


Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and
shapeless later


Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!


My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be
still in Paradise .. Why?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody
apple!

A Motivational Story

Be it good or bad, everything happened for a reason. Value every event in your life. Min Seo shared his story.

My Story

View more presentations from Min Seo.

Are you in sales?

Are you in the business of selling? Shobit Gupta shared some tips on closing sales.

sales need follow up

View more presentations from Shobit Gupta.

English Signs from Around the World

From My InBox:


Cocktail lounge , Norway :
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

n a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel , Yugoslavia :
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel , Japan :
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE
CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

A laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

What is Learning Disability about?

Before you scold your kids for being slow in learning find out from Drtrupti Patel if they have learning disability and pick up some ideas to overcome the problem along the way.

Learning Disability-Thinking outside the box

View more presentations from drtrupti patel.

I am on Facebook

Would you like to know the people I know? In the process you may discover that I am connected to you through a connection of yours. It easy now that I am on Facebook.

Why bother? Don The Idea Guy Snyder shared his thoughts on networking this way.

10-Whats? of Facebook

View more presentations from Don The Idea Guy Snyder.

Children in Poverty

To act or not to act? Some facts about the hardship faced by some children of the world shared by Diego Salazar may help you decide.

Child Facts

View more documents from Diego Salazar.

The Poop Theory

Do you feel like you are living in a rut? Not sure? Diego Salazar can tell you if you are.

The Poop Theory

View more documents from Diego Salazar.

How to sell combs to the monks in the temples?

From My InBox:

Question :-
If your company , Comb manufacturers assigned you to sell the
comb to the monks in the temples ? Can you do it ?


What is your answer ?
a) No Way , Impossible
b) Crazy
c) I will give it a try in order to follow my boss instruction .
d) Well , I will try .
e) Ya , I think I can sell ??? ( 5pcs ? 10pcs ? , 50pcs ? or more ,,you name it
)


Pick an answer above and read below to find out if you are / you are going to
be a successful person or not at all .
.
.
The Story   : SELLING COMB TO THE MONKS  ;
==========================================


There was one company " manufacturing combs "which intends to expand its
business and so the management wanted to employ a new Sales Manager .

The company ADVERTISED the vacancy in the newspaper . They are so many peoples
turned up for the interview everyday ....accumulated to almost a hundred
peoples in just few days ..


The Company now having the problem to choose the right candidate for this
position . So , The Company interviewer had set A Difficult Task to whom who
want to come for final interview .

The Task Is To : Selling Comb To Monks In Temples


Only 3 Applicants willing to stay on for this Final Interview challenge  . ( Mr
A , Mr B , Mr C ) .

The Chief Interviewer instructed : " Now I want three of you here to sell thses
wooden combs to the monks in the temples . You only have 10 days to do it and
report to me after that . "


After 10 days , they reported .

The Chief Interviewer asked Mr A : How many have you sold ?
Mr A Answered : Only One .
The Chief Interviewer Asked : How did you manage to sell ?
Mr A Answered : The monks in the temples scolded me when I show them the comb .
But on my way back to downhill I met a young monk who bought it to scratch his
head due to dandruff . " .


The Chief Interviewer then asked Mr B : How many did you sell ?
Mr B replied : 10 pieces . I went to a shrine and noticed many devotees's hair
was in bad shape due to strong wind outside the shrine . The monk in there
listened to my advice and bought 10 combs for their devotees in showing respect
to the Buddha statue .


Then , The Chief Interviewer asked Mr C : How about you ?
Mr C replied : 1,000 units .
The Chief Interviewer and the other 2 interviews were astounded .
The Chief Interviewer asked : How you did that ?

Mr C replied : I went to a famous temple . After observing for few days I
discovered that there were many tourists . I then told the Chief Abbot there "
Sifu , those who come here are much devoted . If you could give them a gift ,
it will be more elating to them . I told him that I have a bulk of combs here
and ask him to raft his handwriting on the combs as a present to those visit
here . He was very delighted and straight away ordered 1,000 pieces .


The End of Story .

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


MORAL OF THE STORY ;
====================

HARVARD UNIVERSITY had done a research that says :-

1) 85% of success is due to attitude  and 15% is capability .
2) Attitude is more important than intelligence , specials skills and luck .

In another word , professional knowledge only constitutes for 15% of success of
a person and 85% is due to self-cultivation , public relation and adaptability
ability .


Still remember the story of Selling Shoes to African ? When 2 Salesmen were
sent to that continent , One of them reported : Can not do it . No one wears
shoes there? The second saleman said : It is good to market . A lot of
opportunity .


Success and Failure is dependant on how we face problems .

My dear friends ,
Do you know eagle lives up to about 70 of age? But when it reach about 40 yrs
old , it claws start to age and can not grab the preys . It also can not fly as
well .  

So , it is time for the eagle to make a choice ; wait for the death or goes
through a renewal process . If it choose to live , it must try its best flying
to the top of the hill . On the hill top / summit , it will stay for 150 days .
Over the top , it will hits it feathers to the stone so that they will drop and
wait for the new ones to grow . After the feathers have grown enough which is
about 150 days  , it will continue its balance for 30 years life.


Remember , When the economic is good , there are peoples going bankrupt .
When business is bad , there are many new millionaires produced as well .
So , apply now the 85% right working attitude fully. All the best !

Village2Village. Spread the word.

scene from the film "The Fragrant Spirit of Life," then decide if there is something you can do in support of Village2Village in their plight to help impoverished children.

Map of the Best Penang Food

From My InBox:

Anyone going to Penang? Here's a guide.

I am delighted to share with you my latest addition to the Penang
Travel Tips website: Map of the Best Penang Food

Click here: http://www.tims-penang-traveltips.com/food.htm

Rather than simply listing coffee shops and food stalls, I present the
information in a map format. That way, you can tell exactly where each
place is located. No more trying to determine places by their address.
With the Penang Travel Tips Food Map, you are ready to explore Penang
with your lips!

Beware! Drivers in Klang Valley

I have not verified if the incident mentioned in this email did happen in Johor Bahru but it makes sense to take the advise provided should it occur to you.
==============================================

From My InBox:

Take Note!

If you are driving at night and were attacked with eggs, do

not operate your wiper and spray any water.

Eggs mix with water becomes milky and block your vision up to 92..5%

You are forced to stop at road side and become victim of robber

This is new technique used by robber in Johor Bahru

Please inform your friends and relative

Tyre Blow Outs

From My InBox:

British Humour.....!!

From My InBox:

Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque.

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

================================================

Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by

mistake - both are in intensive care...

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.

================================================

During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling

tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City Council said 'We didn't even know they

were living up there'.

================================================

Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there is not enough

television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5

times a week now.

================================================

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean,

a ginger haired kid, with two friends?

================================================

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in

front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.

================================================

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was

caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to

be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

================================================

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?

================================================

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth

floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"