TGIF

From My InBox:

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'
The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying.....'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink my damn poison.'



A lion was getting married....
at his wedding was a mouse shouting away...
and congratulating the lion
"all the best my brother.... good luck....."
Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother...
another Lion grabs the mouse in anger and asks:

"Who the hell do you think you are.....
How can a lion be your brother......
you are only a mouse....."

The Mouse replies....
"I was also a Lion before I got married"

Two Garbage Bags

A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, ' Ma ' am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag. '

'Oh, really? Darn! ' says the little old lady. ' I ' d better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me... '

'Well, now, not so fast, ' says the cop. ' How did you get all that money? ' ' You didn ' t steal it, did you? '

'Oh, no ' , says the little old lady. ' You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, ' $20 or off it comes. '

'Well, that seems only fair. ' laughs the cop. OK? Good luck!

Oh, by the way, what ' s in the other bag? '

'Well, you know ' , says the little old lady, ' not everybody pays. '