Children's Proverbs

Children's Proverbs Part 1

A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here's what the kids came up with:

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.

Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the . . . bug is close.

It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.

You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?

Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.

No news is . . . impossible.

Children's Proverbs Part 2

A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.

You can't teach an old dog . . . math.

If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust . . . me.

The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.

An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.

Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.

A penny saved is . . . not much.

just for laughs........

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.
..................................................................
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
.....................................................................
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
.....................................................................
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
.....................................................................
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were Watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
.....................................................................
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
--------------------------------------- -----------
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born
--------------------------------------------------

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------------------------------------
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
--------------------------------------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
--------------------------------------------------
Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: " Singapore , Sir."
Teacher: "Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'And 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is A sick eagle."
--------------------------------------- ------------
Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow: "No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow: "No hair, Sir."
--------------------------------------- -------------
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"

Creating Breast Cancer Awareness

Please Help Tanya Walk 60 Miles in 3 Days!!

I need your help to reach my goal; because everyone deserves a lifetime!!!


Please help me do something BIG!!

Hello everyone,

My big 3Day walk is almost here. I can't beleive it is only 7 weeks away! I have been training, I have been sweating and I have been through at least 5 pairs of sneakers!! But what I am going through is nothing compared to what everyone that is affected by breast cancer goes through.

In case you haven't heard of this event, it is called the Breast Cancer 3Day. I will walk 60 miles over three days to support breast cancer awareness. (0 - 60 in 3 Days!!!) This walk is very important to me. My family has had to deal with Breast Cancer at least 3 times, I walk for them. I do it for all the people affected, and so that others don't have to deal with it. I do it for myself, in order to have a goal and reach it when I really need one.

In order to reach my goal and walk in The 3Day, I have to raise money - $2200 to be exact. I am not there yet, so am asking for your support. Asking for donations is never a comfortable thing to do and it seems there are always more excuses that pop up every day to not ask. But, I am asking this time; the cause is too important not too.

Here are some sobering facts about breast cancer:

1) The second leading cause of cancer death for all women
2) The leading cause of death in women between the ages of 40 and 55.
3) Approximately 200,000 American women will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year
4) Nearly 40,000 will die from the disease
5) Currently, one million women in the U.S. have the disease and probably won’t know about it for another five to eight years.

Increased awareness means more survivors. I want to survive this walk in order to congratulate all the survivors out there now, and to honor all the ones that put up a good fight.

I do have to reach the $2200 goal in order to participate and don't want the last 6 months of training, INCREDIBLY sore feet and gallons of sweat to have been in vane. I do this for you.

This is a worthy cause that I am supporting with every step I take. Please support me in my goal. All amounts are appreciated and know that your thoughtfulness is what will get me through every mile I will walk - and sleeping on the hard ground in a tent for the nights in between!!

I’m taking on this challenge to do something big.


Thank you in advance for your generosity!

Sincerely,
Tanya Gibson-Wimalasekera

Please Help Tanya Walk 60 Miles in 3 Days!!

Thoughts.....Too beautiful not to share

These thoughts came to me printed on beautiful pictures of flowers. Without the pictures, they are just as beautiful.

Anger is a condition in which
The tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
By worrying over the future !

Love...and you shall be loved.

God always gives His best to those
who leave the choice with Him.

All people smile in the same language.


Everyone needs to be loved...
especially when they do not deserve it.

The real measure of a man's wealth
is what he has invested in eternity.

Laughter is God's sunshine.

Everyone has beauty
but not everyone sees it.

It's important for parents to live
the same things they teach.

Thank God for what you have,
TRUST GOD for what you need.

If you fill your heart with regrets of
yesterday and the worries of tomorrow,
you have no today to be thankful for.

Man looks at outward appearance
but the Lord looks within.

The choice you make today
will usually affect tomorrow.

Take time to laugh, for it is
the music of the soul.


Patience is the ability to idle your motor
when you feel like stripping your gears.

Love is strengthened by working
through conflicts together.

.
Harsh words break no bones
but they do break hearts..

To get out of a difficulty,
one usually must go through it.

We take for granted the things
that we should be giving thanks for.

Love is the only thing that can be
divided without being diminished.

Happiness is enhanced by others
but does not depend upon others.

For every minute you are angry with someone,
you lose 60 seconds of happiness
that you can never get back.

Do what you can, for who you can,
with what you have, and where you are.


HAVE A NICE DAY

One dead woman to another

> 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
>
> 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
>
> 1st woman: I froze to death.
>
> 2nd woman: How horrible!
>
> 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began
> to get warm 'n
> sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
>
> 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband
> was cheating, so I came
> home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by
> himself in the den watching TV.
>
> 1st woman: So, what happened?
>
> 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
> started running all over the
> house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched , and down into the
> basement. Then I went through
> every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had
> looked everywhere, and finally
> I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and
> died.
>
> 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer--- we'd both still be
> alive.

26 other uses for toothpaste

I do not throw away that tube of toothpaste that I can no longer squeeze anything out from. I cut off its top and use the amount left over inside the walls of the tube. I have used it to remove coffee and tea stains off my white cup and saucers and the clean the walls of my refrigerator. I have also discovered ways to make us of the tube.

At Yahoo! Answers, you will discover that most of the other uses mentioned below have been tried and tested.
===================================================================================

> Useful tips and hints for making some small household cleaning easy, simple
> and convenience
>
>
> Although the primary use of toothpaste is to clean and improve the
> aesthetic appearance and health of teeth, there are also 26 other things
> that you can use it for. Every household has one and every household uses
> it at least twice a day. And because of the common availability of
> toothpaste, you can try everything below. Remember, use only white paste.
> Also, check out these 26 very useful stuff that you can do with vinegar.
>
> Removes stain from cloth
> To take out all kinds of stain like ink or lipstick; Squeeze some on the
> spot, scrub and rinse.
>
> Even out scratches on CD / DVD. If the screen freezes, take out the disc,
> put some toothpaste on it, scrub and clean it off.
>
> Cleans diamond ring
> Just squeeze a little on a used toothbrush, wet the ring, scrub gently,
> rinse and your diamond ring should be look sparkling new.
>
> Cleans silver
> Toothpaste can be used to polish any kind of silver. It really does bring
> out the shine in silverware.
>
> Placate burns
> Right after you get burnt, put it on. It helps to relieve the sting.
>
> Removes crayon from painted walls.
> Rub the marks with the toothpaste and a damp rag. Wipe with water to get
> rid of residue.
>
> Remove carpet stains
> Squeeze some onto the carpet, scrub, rinse and let it dry.
>
> Relieves insect bites
> Spread a little over either of these and you'll feel soothed and no
> itches. Mosquito, flea and ant bites work especially well.
>
> Keep girl babies' bows in their hair. If they don't have much hair this is
> particularly useful. It doesn't pull it out, it just washes out.
>
> Clean your nails
> Teeth and nails are made of the same material. To clean your nails,
> squeeze some on top of a toothbrush, wet your nails and brush them
> thoroughly. Be amazed by the sparkle.
>
> Clean shoes
> Scrubbing toothpaste with a wet toothbrush over the boots, working shoes
> and rubber part of sneakers will work. It can also be used to remove
> scuffs.
>
> Put up posters
> You can use toothpaste to put up posters without damaging the wall.
> However, avoid using it for collector posters. It can damage the ink over
> time.
>
> Use it to temporarily seal holes
> Can be used as a spackle to fill nail holes. This sounds evil, but you can
> use it right before you move out of your rented apartment.
>
> Clean around the bathroom
> Use it to clean shower doors and rings around the bath tub. It has an
> abrasive so that is why it works good.
>
> Clean your vehicle's headlight lenses
> Put some toothpaste in a bowl with some water. Use a buffer pad and clean
> off fog caused by dirt and bugs hitting them.
>
> Clean model cars
> Hobbyists who collect and build model cars, robots and action figures can
> certainly use toothpaste to make them nice and shiny.
>
> Remove scratches on your watch crystal
> Dab some on the watch and scrub it with tissue.
>
> Treat acne
> Be very careful when using this. Use it at most once a week. Just dab a
> small amount on a pimple before bed, wake up and it will dry up.
>
> Prevent fog in your swimming goggles
> Just wipe it on, clean it off. Works well for me.
>
> Clean piano keytops
> A dab of toothpaste, a soft cloth and some rubbing will usually clean
> piano keytops and turn them white again.
>
> Deodorize smelly hands
> Wash your hands with a dab of toothpaste and it will remove smells like
> onions and other unpleasant odors.
>
> Remove scratches on glassware.
> Polish with a squeeze of toothpaste. Your glassware should be shining in
> no time.
>
> Remove beach tar
> Getting that black beach tar on your feet can put a small crimp in your
> vacation, but it is easy enough to remove. Just rub it with some non-gel
> toothpaste and rinse.
>
> Deodorize baby bottles
> Works for sour smelling baby bottles. Scrub with toothpaste and a bottle
> brush and the bottles should end up smelling clean and fresh.
>
> Cleans clothes iron
> The mild abrasive in non-gel toothpaste is just the ticket for scrubbing
> the gunk off the bottom plate of your clothes iron. Apply the toothpaste
> to the cool iron, scrub with a cloth, then rinse clean.
>
> Remove water marks from furniture
> To get rid of those telltale watermark rings left by sweating beverages,
> gently rub some non-gel toothpaste on the wood with a soft cloth.

Kids Bible Test

> IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED
> QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
>
> THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.
> THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN
> LEFT IN.
>
> 1. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF
> ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
> 2. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
> DURING THE NIGHT.
>
> 3. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE
> WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
> 4. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE
> DELILAH.
>
> 5. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 6. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEAWHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH
> IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
>
> 7, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
>
> AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
> 8. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE. (& ever
> since, Man has been subserviant to woman)
>
> 9. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY. (Man has
> learnt this well)
>
> 10. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND
> STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
> 11. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
> 12. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
> 13. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 14. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
> 14. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY