Health Precautionary Measures Against Haze

How bad is haze in Singapore?  My cousin felt giddy from it, fell and hurt herself.

Though it has been reported that there has been an improvement in air quality in Singapore since Saturday night, condition of haze in Malaysia has worsened, with Negeri Sembilan been worst hit with the current Air Pollutant Index (API) reading of 335 reported by the Department of Environment.

Following is an advise from someone working in the National Environment Agency in Singapore

From My InBox:

"This is from my fren:
My friend works for NEA and here's what she advises: Hi all, pls make sure that u keep all windows shut at all times n bathroom doors too. Wat u breathe in gets lodged deep in ur lungs n can't get out. It's the PM2.5 particulate matter that's dangerous

Make sure u cover your nose when outdoors
Seems last night psi was actually 462 and not 300+ as reported. Pls wear mask!"
Forwarded -Please bring a huge umbrella out today.. and avoid rain water at all cost... government is planning to seed the clouds to rain and according to my chemist friend, the rain water is harmful to human skin. So if u see rain falling.. stay indoor and dun rain dance arnd... 

What's eating you up?

Let the message in this video sink in.  Before you watch it, ask yourself if there is an obsession you have that is affecting your health.  Think about your bad eating habits.  Are you eating too much junk food?  Are you cooking with too much fat, salt and sugar than you should?

Think about the obsessions you have.  Smoking?  Alcohol? As you watch the video, visualise your obsession and sub-impose it over the image of "Key Lime Pie". 



Got it? 

short stories

From My InBox:

SCOTTISH WEDDING 

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." 

The bartender was almost crushed to death. 

  

SEX 

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore …..         A friend of mine was wearing one when

he was shot by the woman’s husband. 

New Book 

A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out

for men with short penises?" 

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." 

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…" 

  

Poor Lance Armstrong - 

I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike. 

  

Drive By 

  

A guy broke into my apartment last week. 

He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. 

Now he drives by and changes the channels. 

Sick Bastard!! 

  

  

The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.

He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back". 

  

 

Pregnant Prostitute 

               Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?"   
"For f.... sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?"  

  

Sex Research (could be handy) 

If sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is a twosome,

now I understand why they call you handsome! 

  

EASYJET 

Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" 
Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane. " 

Side effects of alcohol.... And Remedies!!!

From My InBox:

Side effects of alcohol.... And Remedies!!!

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where the 'hell' they're taking you!

5. Symptom : Your family is looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

6. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an Ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

CHEERS !!!!!!!!!

Seventy quid is seventy quid!

From My Laughter Club:

Stewart and his wife Barbara go to the county fair every year, 

And every year Stewart would say, "Barbara, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Barbara always replied, 

"I know Stewart, but that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid!"

One year later Stewart and Barbara went to the fair, and Stewart said, "Barbara, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Barbara replied, 

"Stewart, that helicopter ride is seventy quid, and seventy quid is seventy quid" 

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's seventy quid. "

Stewart and Barbara agreed and up they went. 

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. 

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, 

But still not a word... 

When they landed, the pilot turned to Stewart and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. 
I'm impressed!"

Stewart replied, "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Barbara fell out, 

But you know, seventy quid is seventy quid!"

A glass of wine

From My Laughter Club:

A glass of wine

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine
and those who don't and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand:

As Ben Franklin said:

In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 liter of water each day,
at the end of the year we would have absorbed
more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop (crap or shit) annually.

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or rum, whiskey or other liquor)
because alcohol has to go through a purification process
of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of S--t.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service

SMILE...........

Being poor is good?

Being poor can be good.  While some; like my son, who tries to get what he wants by praising mom (sucker), we have some who crack their brains out to create what they cannot afford and make a business out of it along the way.



And that is how the 2012 OVAM Ecodesign Award winning Longboard Stroller came about.



Being poor is good.  Don't you agree?