Are we talking fruits or IT? The older folks will know.
From My InBox:
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
funny quickies
From My InBox:
NO. 1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day, their driver died of poisoning.
NO.2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked Dad why? He answered so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.
NO.3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.
NO. 1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day, their driver died of poisoning.
NO.2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked Dad why? He answered so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.
NO.3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Drinking up some cheers
Christmas is around the corner and if you are looking out for great drinks recipes, check out Drink Project.
What I like about this site is that you can search recipes for drinks you have tried or you can type in one of the ingredients you have on hand to find out what you can concoct with it. And if you are not willing to spend too much mixing a wide variety of drinks or ingredients, you can always check out their recipes for drinks that require only two ingredients.
For the more ambitious, there are recipes for drinks using five ingredients.
Merry X'mas and a Happy New Year
What I like about this site is that you can search recipes for drinks you have tried or you can type in one of the ingredients you have on hand to find out what you can concoct with it. And if you are not willing to spend too much mixing a wide variety of drinks or ingredients, you can always check out their recipes for drinks that require only two ingredients.
For the more ambitious, there are recipes for drinks using five ingredients.
Merry X'mas and a Happy New Year
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Donkey business
From My InBox:
Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's d...ied.'
...Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his two pounds back.'
Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland
Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day...
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's d...ied.'
...Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off.
I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won.
So I gave him his two pounds back.'
Paddy now works for the Royal Bank of Scotland
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Goodbye Mom ...
From My InBox:
Goodbye Mom
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around..
Goodbye Mom
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around..
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore, she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much? I only bought 5 items."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."
Bet you thought this was going to be a tear jerker.
Don't trust Little Old Ladies!!!
Gotcha didn't I.
Monday, October 25, 2010
just for laughs
How does one train the mind to think this way?
From My InBox:
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
The groom broom was handsome and suave in his morning suit and top hat.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE!' said the groom broom.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
From My InBox:
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
The groom broom was handsome and suave in his morning suit and top hat.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little broom!'
'IMPOSSIBLE!' said the groom broom.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Telephone bill
From My InBox:
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a
Family meeting...on a Saturday morning...after breakfast...
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the
phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work
telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephone !!!!!!!!!!
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a
Family meeting...on a Saturday morning...after breakfast...
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the
phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work
telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephone !!!!!!!!!!
Monday, October 18, 2010
TOXIC SEAFOOD WARNING
Do you feel sleepy while driving after lunch? Does your neck and shoulder ache too? If your answer is yes to both questions, you are likely facing the effects of toxins build up in your body. What can you do about it? Try cutting fish dishes out of your meals for about 2 to 3 weeks and feel the difference.
Industrial waste contaminate the sea and this in turn is poisoning the fish we eat.
Industrial waste contaminate the sea and this in turn is poisoning the fish we eat.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
About Life Without Cell Phones & What Not...
From My InBox:
If you are 30 or older, you might think this is hilarious! but so TRUE..
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile)
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.
When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning...Uphill...Barefoot...
BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no e-mail!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MPH's or HMV or iTunes!
If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!
If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!There weren't any freaking' cell phones either.If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one.
You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends".
Think of the horror...not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please!
You kids have no idea how annoying you are.
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!
It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent...you just didn't know!!!
You had to pick it up and take your chances!
We didn't have any fancy Play Station or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!
We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'.
Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!!
And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen...Forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!
And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!
And our parents told us to stay outside and play...all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside...you were doing chores!
And car seats - please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
And car seats - please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
The Over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile)
Friday, October 15, 2010
just for laughs
Our maid asked for a pay increase.
My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. They had a conversation to this effect, in private.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Mom, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Sir said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
From My InBox:
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Sir did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Mom ...the driver did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. They had a conversation to this effect, in private.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Mom, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Sir said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
From My InBox:
Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Sir did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Mom ...the driver did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Spread the Stupidity
From My InBox:
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America ..........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..
Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while. Spread the Stupidity!
GO COWBOYS!!!!!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Going for a holiday?
Going for a holiday? Can't decide where to go? Habitat for Humanity have a few suggestions for you with lots of activities packed into a five days to two weeks itinerary.
It is going to be a holiday with a difference because you will be working along side volunteers from around the world to help build simple, decent homes. Why? Because you want to be part of an international movement to create a world where everyone has a proper home. So, expect to meet some people with muscles and learn how to build houses and communities for people in need.
Can't afford to go? Then tell your family, friends, colleges, churches, civic clubs and others that
Raise the awareness about Habitat’s work to help break the cycle of poverty and raise some funds along the way for the trip. Get them to join you.
Happy holidays.
It is going to be a holiday with a difference because you will be working along side volunteers from around the world to help build simple, decent homes. Why? Because you want to be part of an international movement to create a world where everyone has a proper home. So, expect to meet some people with muscles and learn how to build houses and communities for people in need.
Can't afford to go? Then tell your family, friends, colleges, churches, civic clubs and others that
Raise the awareness about Habitat’s work to help break the cycle of poverty and raise some funds along the way for the trip. Get them to join you.
Happy holidays.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Playing for Change
According to Wikipedia, "Stand by Me" was first released in 1961. It was originally sang by Ben E. King and was written by the performer himself, Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller.
Playing for Change, a multimedia movement, recorded this song performed by street singers around the world and posted their composition on YouTube. Let's be inspired by their objective to bring peace to the world through music in this video. Sing along.
My InBox:
Playing for Change, a multimedia movement, recorded this song performed by street singers around the world and posted their composition on YouTube. Let's be inspired by their objective to bring peace to the world through music in this video. Sing along.
My InBox:
Thursday, September 2, 2010
MISSING 3 YEAR OLD (Half Truth)
This is partially true as the child went missing in USA and not in Malaysia, as the email may seem to imply. She went missing on May 17th 2006 and there is a possibility that the live in boyfriend of her aunt, who is her guardian, was involved in the case. The boyfriend committed suicide and there is no further lead on the missing child. You can read full story at the following link:
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/reachelle-smith-missing.shtml
From My InBox:
IF YOUR CHILD WAS MISSING WOULDN'T YOU PRAY THAT EVERYONE PASSED THIS EMAIL ON?!!!
PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING AND LOOK AND FORWARD.
A 3-year-old girl named Reachelle Marie Smith is missing
You never know where this e-mail could end up and I'm not going to stop passing this one around if it means a little girl can be found!!!
Please spread this picture far and wide....You just never know.someone you know, might know her!
HOME ADDRESS:
LT. COL. (R) ANTHONY J. SILVA
NO.26, JALAN A8
TAMAN MELAWATI
53100 KUALA LUMPUR
MALAYSIA
TEL : 603-41073316
FAX : 603-4147 3315
MOB : 6012-379 1317
PRIVATE EMAIL:ajsilva.defcom@gmail.com
SKYPE :ajsilva1932
OFFICE ADDRESS;
DEFCOM SERVICES SDN BHD
NO. 332 JALAN B-7
TAMAN MELAWATI
53100 KUALA LUMPUR
MALAYSIA
TEL : 603-41472241 (DL)
TEL : 603-41474914 (GL)
FAX : 603-41473315
MOB : 6012-3791317
EMAIL : ajsilva@streamyx.com
SKYPE : defcommil
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/reachelle-smith-missing.shtml
From My InBox:
IF YOUR CHILD WAS MISSING WOULDN'T YOU PRAY THAT EVERYONE PASSED THIS EMAIL ON?!!!
PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING AND LOOK AND FORWARD.
A 3-year-old girl named Reachelle Marie Smith is missing
You never know where this e-mail could end up and I'm not going to stop passing this one around if it means a little girl can be found!!!
Please spread this picture far and wide....You just never know.someone you know, might know her!
HOME ADDRESS:
LT. COL. (R) ANTHONY J. SILVA
NO.26, JALAN A8
TAMAN MELAWATI
53100 KUALA LUMPUR
MALAYSIA
TEL : 603-41073316
FAX : 603-4147 3315
MOB : 6012-379 1317
PRIVATE EMAIL:ajsilva.defcom@gmail.com
SKYPE :ajsilva1932
OFFICE ADDRESS;
DEFCOM SERVICES SDN BHD
NO. 332 JALAN B-7
TAMAN MELAWATI
53100 KUALA LUMPUR
MALAYSIA
TEL : 603-41472241 (DL)
TEL : 603-41474914 (GL)
FAX : 603-41473315
MOB : 6012-3791317
EMAIL : ajsilva@streamyx.com
SKYPE : defcommil
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Ready for old age home?
From My InBox:
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON … OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE? :)
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON … OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE? :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
The 6 affairs
From My InBox:
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.
'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
The 6th & Best Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.
'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'
The 6th & Best Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'
Monday, July 12, 2010
100 kisses
From My InBox:
A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India ....
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis
has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You
are my sweetheart, please adjust.
Your loving husband,
JITA SINGH
His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA ,
Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with
the Kisses...:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses
instead of the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I
gave him other items, I hope you understand..
5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I
hope I can survive the month using this balance...
Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi
NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN
A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India ....
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis
has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You
are my sweetheart, please adjust.
Your loving husband,
JITA SINGH
His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA ,
Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with
the Kisses...:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.
3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses
instead of the monthly rent.
4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I
gave him other items, I hope you understand..
5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I
hope I can survive the month using this balance...
Shall I plan the same for the next month?
Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi
NEVER MESS WITH WOMEN
Monday, June 28, 2010
What a week !!!
From InBox:
MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having
sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's
status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any attempt to
stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to
arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to
her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the
preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine
sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small
penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack
of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old
husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had
anything to say in her own defence.
'Your Honour,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw,
he could fly.'
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put
into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years
ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese
food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us
realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised
his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club
with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired
woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm
and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His
buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner
him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies,
'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask.
'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob
replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were travelling by tour bus through Holland .. As
they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of
cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a
lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are
the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then
asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having
sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's
status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wilful and any attempt to
stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to
arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to
her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the
preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine
sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five
thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel
appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small
penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him
pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack
of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old
husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had
anything to say in her own defence.
'Your Honour,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw,
he could fly.'
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put
into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years
ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese
food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us
realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all
have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised
his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club
with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired
woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm
and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His
buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner
him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies,
'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask.
'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob
replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were travelling by tour bus through Holland .. As
they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of
cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a
lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are
the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then
asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
BEAUTIFUL & TOUCHING
My InBox:
My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?
I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter, Sindu, looked frightened; tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with curd rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age.
I cleared my throat and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling, why don't you take a few mouthful of this curd rice? Just for Dad's sake, dear'.
Sindu softened a bit and wiped her tears with the back of her hands.
'Ok, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'
'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. Now I became a bit anxious.. 'Sindu, dear, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. Ok?'
'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child to eat something that she detested.
After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her.
'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.
'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!'
'Never in our family!' My mother rasped. 'She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'
'Sindu, darling, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'
'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her.
'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'.
Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for.
Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?'
It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'
'Are you out of your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.
'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honour her own.. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'
With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big and beautiful.
On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned round and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!' What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.
'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!' Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued, 'that boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering
from... leukemia'. She paused to muffle her sobs. 'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.'
I stood transfixed and then, I wept. 'My little Angel, you are teaching me how selfless real love is!'
The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own
terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love.
My wife called, 'How long will you be with that newspaper? Will you come here and make your darling daughter eat her food?
I tossed the paper away and rushed to the scene. My only daughter, Sindu, looked frightened; tears were welling up in her eyes. In front of her was a bowl filled to its brim with curd rice. Sindu is a nice child, quite intelligent for her age.
I cleared my throat and picked up the bowl. 'Sindu, darling, why don't you take a few mouthful of this curd rice? Just for Dad's sake, dear'.
Sindu softened a bit and wiped her tears with the back of her hands.
'Ok, Dad. I will eat - not just a few mouthfuls, but the whole lot of this. But, you should...' Sindu hesitated. 'Dad, if I eat this entire curd Rice, will you give me whatever I ask for?'
'Promise'. I covered the pink soft hand extended by my daughter with mine, and clinched the deal. Now I became a bit anxious.. 'Sindu, dear, you shouldn't insist on getting a computer or any such expensive items. Dad does not have that kind of money right now. Ok?'
'No, Dad. I do not want anything expensive'. Slowly and painfully, she finished eating the whole quantity. I was silently angry with my wife and my mother for forcing my child to eat something that she detested.
After the ordeal was through, Sindu came to me with her eyes wide with expectation. All our attention was on her.
'Dad, I want to have my head shaved off, this Sunday!' was her demand.
'Atrocious!' shouted my wife, 'A girl child having her head shaved off? Impossible!'
'Never in our family!' My mother rasped. 'She has been watching too much of television. Our culture is getting totally spoiled with these TV programs!'
'Sindu, darling, why don't you ask for something else? We will be sad seeing you with a clean-shaven head.'
'Please, Sindu, why don't you try to understand our feelings?' I tried to plead with her.
'Dad, you saw how difficult it was for me to eat that Curd Rice'.
Sindu was in tears. 'And you promised to grant me whatever I ask for.
Now, you are going back on your words. Was it not you who told me the story of King Harishchandra, and its moral that we should honor our promises no matter what?'
It was time for me to call the shots. 'Our promise must be kept.'
'Are you out of your mind?' chorused my mother and wife.
'No. If we go back on our promises, she will never learn to honour her own.. Sindu, your wish will be fulfilled.'
With her head clean-shaven, Sindu had a round-face, and her eyes looked big and beautiful.
On Monday morning, I dropped her at her school. It was a sight to watch my hairless Sindu walking towards her classroom. She turned round and waved. I waved back with a smile. Just then, a boy alighted from a car, and shouted, 'Sinduja, please wait for me!' What struck me was the hairless head of that boy. 'May be, that is the in-stuff', I thought.
'Sir, your daughter Sinduja is great indeed!' Without introducing herself, a lady got out of the car, and continued, 'that boy who is walking along with your daughter is my son Harish. He is suffering
from... leukemia'. She paused to muffle her sobs. 'Harish could not attend the school for the whole of the last month. He lost all his hair due to the side effects of the chemotherapy. He refused to come back to school fearing the unintentional but cruel teasing of the schoolmates. Sinduja visited him last week, and promised him that she will take care of the teasing issue. But, I never imagined she would sacrifice her lovely hair for the sake of my son! Sir, you and your wife are blessed to have such a noble soul as your daughter.'
I stood transfixed and then, I wept. 'My little Angel, you are teaching me how selfless real love is!'
The happiest people on this planet are not those who live on their own
terms but are those who change their terms for the ones whom they love.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Fathers v/s Mothers
From My InBox:
There was this family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid, who just turned three.
Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea from father, kid’s Mom came home.
Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'
Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'
....Mothers know
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you......
There was this family with one kid. One day the mother was out and dad was in charge of the kid, who just turned three.
Someone had given the kid a little 'tea set' as a birthday gift and it was one of his favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when kid brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea from father, kid’s Mom came home.
Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the kid bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'
Mom waited, and sure enough, the kid comes down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??'
....Mothers know
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Domain knowledge is very important!!! Else your supplier will trick you......
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Be Well Happy
Vedanta Mission helps you save some cost on medication by sharing what Dr. Dráuzio Varella has to say on "The Art of Feeling Well".
Be Well Happy
View more presentations from Vedanta Mission.
Telamonia dimidiata
Before you start lifting up public toilet seats, go to the following link on Snopes and you will read the same message except that it happened in Chicago.
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/insects/telamonia.asp
From My InBox:
Hi folks, its better to be safe than sorry. So, just be careful when using the looooooo.
Thanks James forwarding this information
Please pay attention to this article. It is of utmost importance.
Three women in KL turned up at hospitals over a 5-day period,
all with the same symptoms - fever, chills, vomiting, followed by muscular collapse, paralysis and finally,death.
There were no outward signs of trauma. Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood. These women did not know each other, and seemed to have nothing in common.
It was discovered, however, that they had all visited a same restaurant along Jalan Kuchai Lama within days of their deaths. The health department descended on the restaurant, shutting it down. The food, water and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.
The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She told doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check. She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had used the restroom.
That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove up to the restaurant, went into the restroom and lifted the toilet seat. Under the seat, out of normal view, was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab,where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh color. This spider's venom is extremely toxic but can take several days to take effect. They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims provide just the right atmosphere.
Several days later, a lawyer from JB showed up at a hospital emergency room.. Before his death, he told the doctor that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia , changing planes in Singapore , before returning home. He did not visit the restaurant while there. He did, as did all of the other victims, have what was determined to be a puncture wound, on his right buttock.
Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India .. The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India , and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on four different planes!
It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the country. So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders.
It can save your life! And please pass this on to everyone you care about.
P Susthitha Menon (Susi)
Photonics Technology Laboratory
Department of Electrical, Electronics and System Engineering
Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
( National University of Malaysia )
43600 UKM Bangi
Selangor Darul Ehsan.
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/insects/telamonia.asp
From My InBox:
Hi folks, its better to be safe than sorry. So, just be careful when using the looooooo.
Thanks James forwarding this information
Please pay attention to this article. It is of utmost importance.
Three women in KL turned up at hospitals over a 5-day period,
all with the same symptoms - fever, chills, vomiting, followed by muscular collapse, paralysis and finally,death.
There were no outward signs of trauma. Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood. These women did not know each other, and seemed to have nothing in common.
It was discovered, however, that they had all visited a same restaurant along Jalan Kuchai Lama within days of their deaths. The health department descended on the restaurant, shutting it down. The food, water and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.
The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She told doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check. She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had used the restroom.
That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove up to the restaurant, went into the restroom and lifted the toilet seat. Under the seat, out of normal view, was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab,where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh color. This spider's venom is extremely toxic but can take several days to take effect. They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims provide just the right atmosphere.
Several days later, a lawyer from JB showed up at a hospital emergency room.. Before his death, he told the doctor that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia , changing planes in Singapore , before returning home. He did not visit the restaurant while there. He did, as did all of the other victims, have what was determined to be a puncture wound, on his right buttock.
Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India .. The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India , and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on four different planes!
It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the country. So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders.
It can save your life! And please pass this on to everyone you care about.
P Susthitha Menon (Susi)
Photonics Technology Laboratory
Department of Electrical, Electronics and System Engineering
Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia
( National University of Malaysia )
43600 UKM Bangi
Selangor Darul Ehsan.
Monday, June 14, 2010
What is a grandparent?
From My InBox:
If you are not a grandparent you will still love this. If you are it shows how precious the babies are and what we mean to them.
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own.
They like other people's.
A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'
They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don't have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have
television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA
LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE
TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''
GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS
HIM!
It' funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
Send this to other grandparents, almost grandparents, or heck, send it to everyone. It will make their day.
If you are not a grandparent you will still love this. If you are it shows how precious the babies are and what we mean to them.
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT?
(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own.
They like other people's.
A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady!
Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'
They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
They wear glasses and funny underwear.
They can take their teeth and gums out.
Grandparents don't have to be smart.
They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'
When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have
television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
A 6-YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA
LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE
TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''
GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS
HIM!
It' funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.
Send this to other grandparents, almost grandparents, or heck, send it to everyone. It will make their day.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Dna Of A Writer
Do you aspire to be a writer? Learn from Kurt Frenier how not to be a wanna be.
Dna Of A Writer
View more presentations from Kurt Frenier.
Bank Rakyat Credit Card Scam
Note this crime alert. This message is from someone I know personally.
========================================================================
From My InBox:
Dear All,
I myself just received a call this morning purported from someone who is from the Bank Rakyat Credit Card Centre by the name of Jimmy Leong who said that I have a credit card which I ask to increase my credit limit. I was surprise because I do not have any credit card from Bank Rakyat. I told him that I do not own any card from Bank Rakyat and he acted quite surprise and I ask him to double confirm my name and he confirm it as my name according to my IC. He told me that transaction amounting to RM9750.00 were use from this card in China in April and incidentally I went to China in April. He even leave me a purported Bank Rakyat number which is for me to contact them as 03-26988899 extension 1106 which is suppose to be the Card Centre.
I further enquire on the date and address this card was applied and it was in an address in Miri Sarawak and I told him that I have not been to Miri before and the address sound alien to me and I really thought someone might have use my IC to apply for a Credit card.
Now what happen next is very interesting, he tole he he had stopped and cancelled the card immediately and ask that I made a report to Bank Negara and he even gave me the Bank Negara phone number as 03-27826822 and ask that I report to Bank Negara and get a letter from them to waive this RM9750.00.
I called this so call Bank Negara number and the greeting sound exactly like Bank Negara Greeting with " Terima Kasih kerana memangil Bank Negara Malaysia, untuk Bahasa Malaysia sila tekan 1, for English Press 2.........." Someone pick up and ask for my name and phone number and said that they need to record that conversation and they would call me back on the phone number I have given to them, but so far no one called me.
I began to feel uneasy waiting for Bank Negara to call me and I call back this Bank Rakyat and no one pick up from that number. My wife went on the internet and found another Bank Rakyat number and it is not the same number from what was given and I called to verify that that was not their number and they also verify that Bank Negara number is not that number given and they said that it might be a scam and only that moment it appears to me that it was a scam.
I call up Bank Negara and the officer told me that they have received a lot a this complain from Bank Rakyat and even using other names such as Am Bank etc. and this is a scam and the Modus Operanti is that they will call my number again to ask for my bank infor or my card info and even ask you to change your Pin number and immediately you change the number all your money in your bank would be gone, accordingly so far the highest lost is from one individual amounting to RM250,000.00. The officer ask me to pass this information around so that we will not give our information out to these people.
SO watch out and they might call you someday and it happen to me here in SL today and it can also happen to you too.
So beware and be warned, they sound very real and convincing !!
========================================================================
From My InBox:
Dear All,
I myself just received a call this morning purported from someone who is from the Bank Rakyat Credit Card Centre by the name of Jimmy Leong who said that I have a credit card which I ask to increase my credit limit. I was surprise because I do not have any credit card from Bank Rakyat. I told him that I do not own any card from Bank Rakyat and he acted quite surprise and I ask him to double confirm my name and he confirm it as my name according to my IC. He told me that transaction amounting to RM9750.00 were use from this card in China in April and incidentally I went to China in April. He even leave me a purported Bank Rakyat number which is for me to contact them as 03-26988899 extension 1106 which is suppose to be the Card Centre.
I further enquire on the date and address this card was applied and it was in an address in Miri Sarawak and I told him that I have not been to Miri before and the address sound alien to me and I really thought someone might have use my IC to apply for a Credit card.
Now what happen next is very interesting, he tole he he had stopped and cancelled the card immediately and ask that I made a report to Bank Negara and he even gave me the Bank Negara phone number as 03-27826822 and ask that I report to Bank Negara and get a letter from them to waive this RM9750.00.
I called this so call Bank Negara number and the greeting sound exactly like Bank Negara Greeting with " Terima Kasih kerana memangil Bank Negara Malaysia, untuk Bahasa Malaysia sila tekan 1, for English Press 2.........." Someone pick up and ask for my name and phone number and said that they need to record that conversation and they would call me back on the phone number I have given to them, but so far no one called me.
I began to feel uneasy waiting for Bank Negara to call me and I call back this Bank Rakyat and no one pick up from that number. My wife went on the internet and found another Bank Rakyat number and it is not the same number from what was given and I called to verify that that was not their number and they also verify that Bank Negara number is not that number given and they said that it might be a scam and only that moment it appears to me that it was a scam.
I call up Bank Negara and the officer told me that they have received a lot a this complain from Bank Rakyat and even using other names such as Am Bank etc. and this is a scam and the Modus Operanti is that they will call my number again to ask for my bank infor or my card info and even ask you to change your Pin number and immediately you change the number all your money in your bank would be gone, accordingly so far the highest lost is from one individual amounting to RM250,000.00. The officer ask me to pass this information around so that we will not give our information out to these people.
SO watch out and they might call you someday and it happen to me here in SL today and it can also happen to you too.
So beware and be warned, they sound very real and convincing !!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Swine Flu H1N1
Vasim shares useful information about H1N1 on slideShare.
Swine Flue H1 N1
View more presentations from onlyvasim.
Friday, May 28, 2010
This is hilarious!!!!!!!!!
From My InBox:
Tell Me This Won't Happen to us
Three sisters ages 92, 94, and and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses...She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_____________________________________
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone and reported that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard...." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake..."
_____________________________________
“I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
_____________________________________
ROMANCE
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth," he replied
_____________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her... For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_____________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"_____________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?
Tell Me This Won't Happen to us
Three sisters ages 92, 94, and and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses...She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
_____________________________________
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone and reported that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard...." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake..."
_____________________________________
“I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
_____________________________________
ROMANCE
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth," he replied
_____________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her... For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
_____________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"_____________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Cheated and Caught
From My InBox:
Learn from Singapore famous movie producer and celebrity, Jack Neo, who cheated on his 46-year-old wife Kang Mei Fang.
Would you put someone you love through this?
Learn from Singapore famous movie producer and celebrity, Jack Neo, who cheated on his 46-year-old wife Kang Mei Fang.
Would you put someone you love through this?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Shelf Life of Foods
From My InBox:
How long can that bottle of ketchup stay in your fridge before it goes bad? I'm thinking 5 or 10 years but if you want an experts opinion, go to the web site below. This site lists all kind of foods and how to keep them fresh longer as well as when to get rid of them.
CLICK ON LINK BELOW
http://www.stilltasty.com/
How long can that bottle of ketchup stay in your fridge before it goes bad? I'm thinking 5 or 10 years but if you want an experts opinion, go to the web site below. This site lists all kind of foods and how to keep them fresh longer as well as when to get rid of them.
CLICK ON LINK BELOW
http://www.stilltasty.com/
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Zen Stories for Management Students
Discovered a story on management shared by Prabhakar Krishnamurthy on Slideshare.
Zen Stories for Management Students
View more presentations from Prabhakar Krishnamurthy .
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Genius Says Goodbye
A letter by Gabriel García Marquez, a great Latin American writer, before his death from lymphatic cancer.
From My Inbox:
From My Inbox:
A Genius Says Goodbye
View more presentations from maandt.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Beautiful conversation……
From My InBox:
Man: God?
God: Yes?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Of course!
Man: What is for you a million of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a million dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second.
Man: God?
God: Yes?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Of course!
Man: What is for you a million of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a million dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
THE BLONDE DID IT AGAIN
From My InBox:
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
'What a Great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
'What a Great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,'What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Jokes on Women
From My InBox:
-------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' ----------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' -----------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care. -----------------------------------
and finally …
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well.......she's there.'
-------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' ----------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.' -----------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked.. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care. -----------------------------------
and finally …
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the preacher and calmly said, 'Well.......she's there.'
UNIVERSAL LAWS
From My InBox:
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
Free Treatment for Children Born Blind
Learn about the Prakash Center in the vicinity of Rishikesh in Uttaranchal, India. It was started by Pawan Sinha to provide treatment to curable blind children.
If you know of children born blind who need free vision-restoring treatment, talk to their parents about Project Prakash.
==================================================================================
From My InBox:
If you know of children born blind who need free vision-restoring treatment, talk to their parents about Project Prakash.
==================================================================================
From My InBox:
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