Want to win a FREE seat valued at more than RM1,000 for "Basic
Training in Empowerment"?
Post on eHomeMakers' forum before 2 July 2009. Writers of the best postings of at least 100 words will be selected to attend this workshop by AsiaWorks Training Sdn Bhd.
Good luck.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sharing your trade
I love it when tradesmen are willing to share techniques of their trade. If you can't copy and create the way they do, buy them. A great way to advertise, don't you think?
Here is Jill Turman teaching you how she create the curves to the grilles she made for her customer.
Discovered this on Slideshare thanks to Jim Hopkins.
Here is Jill Turman teaching you how she create the curves to the grilles she made for her customer.
Discovered this on Slideshare thanks to Jim Hopkins.
On August 7 , 2009
From My InBox:
On August 7 , 2009
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year, the time and date will be
12:34:56 07/08/09
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
This will never happen in your life again??!!!!
On August 7 , 2009
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year, the time and date will be
12:34:56 07/08/09
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
This will never happen in your life again??!!!!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Murphy's prescription
From My InBox:
Murphy, 85, went to visit his doctor for his medical. Two weeks later the doctor spots Murphy walking down high street with a gorgeous blond on his arm.
You seem to do very well remarked the doctor.
I did as the doctor ordered replied Murphy: "Have a hot mama and be cheerful".
That is not what I mentioned replied the doctor. i said: "You have a heart-murmur and should be careful".
Murphy, 85, went to visit his doctor for his medical. Two weeks later the doctor spots Murphy walking down high street with a gorgeous blond on his arm.
You seem to do very well remarked the doctor.
I did as the doctor ordered replied Murphy: "Have a hot mama and be cheerful".
That is not what I mentioned replied the doctor. i said: "You have a heart-murmur and should be careful".
What is your Peace of Mind??
From My InBox:
If you were to ask your neighbor,
"What would give you peace of mind?" he might tell you,
"A vacation in Bermuda!" or
"An extra hundred grand would give me peace!", or
"A new Ferrari would make me content!"
But going to places - and getting stuff - is usually
a temporary solution ...
Peace of mind rarely comes from getting more stuff.
Getting more stuff usually leads to wanting even more stuff!
Peace of mind starts with being grateful for what
we have right now.
GRATITUDE is POWER
When we are thankful for what we have - for the friends we have, and
for the things we've got,
we attract more good people and good things!
People who always complain about what they DON'T HAVE, stay stuck.
Complainers attract more things to complain about!
It is a law of life. It's hard to explain, but you can observe it around you.
We get more of what we dwell upon.
That's why all the spiritual masters have taught
the same lesson:
"Start by being thankful. Be happy with what you have now, and more
will come your way."
It's a practical advice:
Every time you say a silent "thank you" become more peaceful
.
............... Keep Sharing ...............
CLASSIC QUOTES - When insults had Class!
From My InBox:
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli,
"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli,
"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Monastery Life
From My InBox:
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot..
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, 'We missed theR! We missed theR! We missed theR!' His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...
'CELEBRATE !
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot..
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, 'We missed theR! We missed theR! We missed theR!' His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, 'The word was...
'CELEBRATE !
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Chinese Jews
From My InBox:
Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai .
"Oscar," asked Benjie, "Are there any Jews in China ?"
"I don't know," Oscar replied.
"Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews here in Shanghai ?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Benjie asked.
"I will check again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China , our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I asked everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews! If you want, we have Chinese Tea.
Oscar Weil and Benjamin Oppenheimer are Jews, and were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Shanghai .
"Oscar," asked Benjie, "Are there any Jews in China ?"
"I don't know," Oscar replied.
"Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Benjie asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews here in Shanghai ?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen.
He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Benjie asked.
"I will check again, sir" the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Oscar said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China , our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Benjie asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I asked everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, apple Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews! If you want, we have Chinese Tea.
Miniatur Wunderland
Miniatur Wunderland is a place where you can see miles and miles of model railway tracks, trains and many other other kind of transportation.
Check out how this exhibition of miniatures located in Hamburg Germany looks like in this video.
Check out how this exhibition of miniatures located in Hamburg Germany looks like in this video.
Leave Applications -----MUST READ
From My InBox:
· Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."
· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
· Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."
· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
· Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
· From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
· An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
· A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."
· Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
· Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
· Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
· Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
· A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
Monday, June 15, 2009
IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE
Before you forward this slideshow you will likely receive in an email, read this extract from SlideShare.
"I applaud the 'remember the holocaust' message, but the United Kingdom
has not changed the curriculum because of 'muslim population beiefs.'
see, amongst other hoax sites,
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/uk-holocaust-removal.shtml
The UK government has not banned the teaching of the Holocaust in
schools, nor is it planning to do so.
In fact, according to the BBC, 'in England, teaching children about
the Holocaust is compulsory'. While other UK countries such as
Scotland and Wales have their own school curriculum and Holocaust
teaching is not compulsory, it is certainly not banned and is
generally encouraged.
=======================================================================
From MyInBox:
"I applaud the 'remember the holocaust' message, but the United Kingdom
has not changed the curriculum because of 'muslim population beiefs.'
see, amongst other hoax sites,
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/uk-holocaust-removal.shtml
The UK government has not banned the teaching of the Holocaust in
schools, nor is it planning to do so.
In fact, according to the BBC, 'in England, teaching children about
the Holocaust is compulsory'. While other UK countries such as
Scotland and Wales have their own school curriculum and Holocaust
teaching is not compulsory, it is certainly not banned and is
generally encouraged.
=======================================================================
From MyInBox:
IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE - Hitler
View more OpenOffice presentations from Paavan Solanki.
Cool Objects
From My InBox:
Where is the dog?
How many faces do you see here?
Who is that staring at you in this image?
What's on this couple's mind?
Who left the shoes and stockings behind?
More than wrinkles on Einstein face?
Where is the dog?
How many faces do you see here?
Who is that staring at you in this image?
What's on this couple's mind?
Who left the shoes and stockings behind?
More than wrinkles on Einstein face?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Grilles or Dog?
If you are moving to a new home in a gated and guarded community, would you still consider installing grilles at all windows and entrances? Maybe a guard dog is a better option? What breed should one rear for this purpose?
Don't crack your head mulling over these questions, check the list of
Dog Breeds listed in alphabetical order and health problems that you may encounter with them.
And if you are not a dog person, take a look at Pet Education to decide what is best for you.
Don't crack your head mulling over these questions, check the list of
Dog Breeds listed in alphabetical order and health problems that you may encounter with them.
And if you are not a dog person, take a look at Pet Education to decide what is best for you.
How to upload PowerPoint to You Tube
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
WHY GOD MADE MUMS
From My InBox:
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones... Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING --
SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS And anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones... Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your Mum?
1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mum marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What's the difference between Mums & Dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your Mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your Mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
WHEN YOU STOP LAUGHING --
SEND IT ON TO OTHER MOTHERS, GRANDMOTHERS, AUNTS And anyone else who has anything to do with kids or just needs a good laugh!!!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Advertisement today
Advertisement today is a form of art that companies use to draw people to listen to a story about their product. If you choose to take pee break during commercial breaks, these are what you may be missing.
Friday, June 5, 2009
THIS IS HILARIOUS - PM's reply to Tolong Tolong Letter
I try not to post political issues here but this is too funny to miss. I cow tow to people who take the trouble to write like this. Where got time?!!!
========================================================================
From My InBox:
Intro: The first letter was posted last year, in one of the forums ,
by a person who goes by the nick "ChinChaiOne" and he named his thread
"Tolong Tolong". It was picked up by other forums, circulated around
(even in govt depts) then someone posed as an official in the PM's
office posted a reply.
OPEN LETTER COFFEE SHOP TALK
>From : ChinChaiOne
28-Apr 12:15
Dear Prime Minister,
We citizens of Singapore urge you to PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
We DO NOT NEED your help. Every time, you mention HELP, we have to run
for cover!!!
Help the poor? Raise GST!
Help traffic flow? Up ERP!
Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!
Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!
Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!
Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU¡ TOLONG LAH, please, we will HELP OURSELVES, no
need your help liao. We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!
Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!
Everytime your wife invest, we all lose money! Kao liao, kum siah!
Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat
Selamat case, like dat¡ .so far, it is ok, your incompetence, we
ACCEPT!
PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR IT!!
I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!
I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?
Thank you thank you,
I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can one.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Following is a reply from the Prime Minister's Office:
Date: Saturday, 2 August, 2008.
Dear Chin Chai One,
10Q you for your letter. On behalf of the Prime Minister, I am
replying to your letter as follows:
As the erected party of Singaporeans, we are here to serve.
We are demon-cratic country, you are master, we gahmen servant, we
serve you. You got problems we must help. You say no need our help?
That means you're not Singapore's master. You say you run for cover?
Cannot one, our police will find you.
GST is to help the Gahmen to help yourself. The Gahmen Service Tax is
everywhere, you go America also have one, cannot run one.
Traffic very bad, so bad that we have to hold car racing at nite to
avoid traffic jam. We believe there is no free lunch like PM's father
say before, you use, you must pay, so Every Road Pay.. So you see no
ERP cannot one.
Needless to say, passenger service also must pay. The increase in bus
fare and MRT and taxi fare are very little already. We foresee world
inflation coming: oil, steel, pay of foreign talents, etc, so we have
to pay for the service.
You see, many foreign talents come to Singapore . If we don't pay our
ministers well, they will go other countries to be their foreign
talents. So must raise salary to keep them. If not, Nathan, Shanmugam,
Bala etc will go India and work. Khaw will go Malaysia . etc etc. Must
keep them. To keep them must pay well.
You are right, any help also must pay.
To help yourself? No, it's illegal. You mean you can build your own
MRT? Run your own buses? Drive your Ba-Ong-Chia? Build your own roads?
Seow liao!! Every one help himself then how? No social order lah! Ga
ga ask for help, we are here to serve you.
We understand some of you have temporary problem. Don't worry, it is
only short term. We must look long term. We must invest long term. Now
lose a bit don't cow beh cow boo, long term! Yes, remember. 30 or 50
years later we will own Swiss banks, US banks, UK properties, maybe
even South Pole condominiums. We must tighten our seat belt and bite
our false teeth. The future very bright. As long as you continue to
support the gahmen 30 to 50 years you will see bright future. So
Chiang See Tong a bit lah. Also, investing is very complicated
business, not easy. We must pay school fee to learn from advanced
countries.
On Selamat's case, we also must learn our lesson. We encourage
life-long-learning. I learn whole life time, you learn whole life, Mr
Wong Can't Sing also whole life learning. It's actually good. Mr Wong
already apologise, don't force a dog to jump over the wall, the wall
may collapse. Old dog cannot jump high also.
Selamat's case gives us many lessons. We must be on alert, not too
complacent. Now every Singaporean know there can be a terrorist among
us any time. This is the best self defence education !! PM will give
Mr Wong another salary increment for that.
Also now we merge the prisons and detention centre, more space will be
available now. We will build it like another IR, Integrated Retention
- so those don't want our service and thinking of doing illegal
service will go there. We will pass a new law too, the expenses for
stay in that IR will be deducted from your CPF money.
Remember we must be grateful to people who help us -- and pay.
I hope I have explained the situation and give you the message
clearly. If you still need help, please call my handphone: 9990-6767
, it's toll-free.
By the way, Mr Chin Chai One, our pioneer Toh Chin Chai already toh
long ago. So if you choose to be Chin Chin Chai Chai, you will also
Toh.
10Q you again,
Reguards,
Ah Beng
Grassrude secretary
========================================================================
From My InBox:
Intro: The first letter was posted last year, in one of the forums ,
by a person who goes by the nick "ChinChaiOne" and he named his thread
"Tolong Tolong". It was picked up by other forums, circulated around
(even in govt depts) then someone posed as an official in the PM's
office posted a reply.
OPEN LETTER COFFEE SHOP TALK
>From : ChinChaiOne
28-Apr 12:15
Dear Prime Minister,
We citizens of Singapore urge you to PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
We DO NOT NEED your help. Every time, you mention HELP, we have to run
for cover!!!
Help the poor? Raise GST!
Help traffic flow? Up ERP!
Help passenger service? Up Bus fare/MRT fare!
Help us get taxi? Raise taxi fare!
Help us get good government? Raise Minister and Civil servant salary!
Everytime YOU WANT TO HELP, we all PAY FOR IT!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU¡ TOLONG LAH, please, we will HELP OURSELVES, no
need your help liao. We DARE NOT ask for help any more!!!
Sir, most honoured sir, I urge you NOT TO HELP Singapore INVEST also!
Everytime your wife invest, we all lose money! Kao liao, kum siah!
Just let us have a dose of bad governance, like recently the Mat
Selamat case, like dat¡ .so far, it is ok, your incompetence, we
ACCEPT!
PLEASE DO NOT help us have better security! Wait we all kena PAY FOR IT!!
I believe ALL SINGAPOREANS PREFER NOT TO HAVE CRUTCH MENTALITY!
I think it is ok lah, please just take your salary and enjoy life ok?
Thank you thank you,
I am very chin chai one, any how any how, no need to help oso can one.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Following is a reply from the Prime Minister's Office:
Date: Saturday, 2 August, 2008.
Dear Chin Chai One,
10Q you for your letter. On behalf of the Prime Minister, I am
replying to your letter as follows:
As the erected party of Singaporeans, we are here to serve.
We are demon-cratic country, you are master, we gahmen servant, we
serve you. You got problems we must help. You say no need our help?
That means you're not Singapore's master. You say you run for cover?
Cannot one, our police will find you.
GST is to help the Gahmen to help yourself. The Gahmen Service Tax is
everywhere, you go America also have one, cannot run one.
Traffic very bad, so bad that we have to hold car racing at nite to
avoid traffic jam. We believe there is no free lunch like PM's father
say before, you use, you must pay, so Every Road Pay.. So you see no
ERP cannot one.
Needless to say, passenger service also must pay. The increase in bus
fare and MRT and taxi fare are very little already. We foresee world
inflation coming: oil, steel, pay of foreign talents, etc, so we have
to pay for the service.
You see, many foreign talents come to Singapore . If we don't pay our
ministers well, they will go other countries to be their foreign
talents. So must raise salary to keep them. If not, Nathan, Shanmugam,
Bala etc will go India and work. Khaw will go Malaysia . etc etc. Must
keep them. To keep them must pay well.
You are right, any help also must pay.
To help yourself? No, it's illegal. You mean you can build your own
MRT? Run your own buses? Drive your Ba-Ong-Chia? Build your own roads?
Seow liao!! Every one help himself then how? No social order lah! Ga
ga ask for help, we are here to serve you.
We understand some of you have temporary problem. Don't worry, it is
only short term. We must look long term. We must invest long term. Now
lose a bit don't cow beh cow boo, long term! Yes, remember. 30 or 50
years later we will own Swiss banks, US banks, UK properties, maybe
even South Pole condominiums. We must tighten our seat belt and bite
our false teeth. The future very bright. As long as you continue to
support the gahmen 30 to 50 years you will see bright future. So
Chiang See Tong a bit lah. Also, investing is very complicated
business, not easy. We must pay school fee to learn from advanced
countries.
On Selamat's case, we also must learn our lesson. We encourage
life-long-learning. I learn whole life time, you learn whole life, Mr
Wong Can't Sing also whole life learning. It's actually good. Mr Wong
already apologise, don't force a dog to jump over the wall, the wall
may collapse. Old dog cannot jump high also.
Selamat's case gives us many lessons. We must be on alert, not too
complacent. Now every Singaporean know there can be a terrorist among
us any time. This is the best self defence education !! PM will give
Mr Wong another salary increment for that.
Also now we merge the prisons and detention centre, more space will be
available now. We will build it like another IR, Integrated Retention
- so those don't want our service and thinking of doing illegal
service will go there. We will pass a new law too, the expenses for
stay in that IR will be deducted from your CPF money.
Remember we must be grateful to people who help us -- and pay.
I hope I have explained the situation and give you the message
clearly. If you still need help, please call my handphone: 9990-6767
, it's toll-free.
By the way, Mr Chin Chai One, our pioneer Toh Chin Chai already toh
long ago. So if you choose to be Chin Chin Chai Chai, you will also
Toh.
10Q you again,
Reguards,
Ah Beng
Grassrude secretary
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Why mother is so special ...?
From My InBox:
When I came home in the rain,
Brother asked why didn't you take an umbrella.
Sister advised, Why didn't you wait till rain stopped.
Father angrily warned, only after getting cold, you will realize.
But Mother, while drying my hair, said, stupid rain!
Couldn't it wait, Till my child came home?
That's MOM
When I came home in the rain,
Brother asked why didn't you take an umbrella.
Sister advised, Why didn't you wait till rain stopped.
Father angrily warned, only after getting cold, you will realize.
But Mother, while drying my hair, said, stupid rain!
Couldn't it wait, Till my child came home?
That's MOM
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
PRICELESS WORDS (ITS AWESOME)
From My InBox:
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple
of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
“Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!”
Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, “Son, what happened last
night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door”. Confused, the man asks, “So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,
“LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!“
Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - “PRICELESS “
There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can’t buy
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple
of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless,
clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
“Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
Love You!”
Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there
is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, “Son, what happened last
night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when
you stumbled into the door”. Confused, the man asks, “So, why is everything
in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she
tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,
“LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!“
Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk - “PRICELESS “
There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can’t buy
A short story about a little boy...
From My InBox:
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery
store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can
you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a
coupla blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get
to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... you don't
even know the way to the Post Office."
A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery
store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can
you tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a
coupla blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get
to Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... you don't
even know the way to the Post Office."
Little Johnny's at it again
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny.. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'
* * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..'
* * * * * * * * *
If this brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too !
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny.. 'Giving up?'
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said,
'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'
* * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ..'
* * * * * * * * *
If this brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass it on with a smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass on to your friends! They like Johnny too !
Vote for Denise
From My InBox:
This presentation has been entered in the "Tell a Story" contest - if the presentation wins, all proceeds will go to the charity in question.
All you have to do is vote!
Thank you in advance for your support
Denise
This presentation has been entered in the "Tell a Story" contest - if the presentation wins, all proceeds will go to the charity in question.
All you have to do is vote!
Thank you in advance for your support
Denise
Lets Talk Poverty
View more Microsoft Word documents from Denise Caron.
Tried and tested: Breathing Therapy
I thought I am sick as I have been feeling tired since yesterday. It turns out that my right nose is stuck.
===========================================================================
From My InBox:
Practice this way and it will help you...
Our noses have left and right nostrils. Are these nostrils having the
same function for inhaling (breathe in) and exhaling (breathe out)?
我們有左邊、右邊鼻孔，吸氣、吐氣時有沒有一樣？
Actually it's not the same and we can feel the difference.
Accordingly, the right side represents the sun and the left side
represents the moon.
其實不一樣，可以感覺不一樣；右邊等於是太陽的意思，左邊等於是月亮 .
When having headache, try to close your right nostril and use your
left nostril to do breathing for about 5 min. The headache will be
gone.
平常頭痛時可以用手把右邊鼻孔關起來，只用左邊鼻孔吸氣、吐氣，約五分鐘，頭痛就好了。
If you feel too tired, do it the opposite way. Close your left nostril
and breathe through your right nostril. After a while, you will feel
refresh again.
如果疲倦、累了，相反的關起左邊的鼻孔，只用右邊吸氣、吐氣，不用多久，馬上精神好起了。
Because the right side belongs to heat, so it gets hot easily. The
left side gets cold easily..
因為右邊屬於火氣，比較會熱，左邊比較會涼。
Women breathe mainly with their left nostril, so they get calm down easily.
女生大部分吸氣、吐氣在左邊，所以心比較會涼快。
Men breathe mostly with their right nostril, so they get angry easily.
男生大部分吸氣、吐氣在右邊，所以他們比較會生氣。
When we wake up, do we notice which nostril breathes faster? Is it the
left side or the right side?
我們起床時，可以注意哪邊吸氣、吐氣比較快？左邊或右邊？
If the left nostril breathes faster, you will feel very tired. Close
your left nostril and use your right nostril for breathing and you
will get refresh quickly.
如果左邊比較快，覺得提不起精神，可以關起左邊鼻孔，用右邊呼吸，很快的精神會好起來。
You can teach your kids about it. The effect of breathing therapy is
much better for adults.
這也可以教給小孩，大人用更好。如果你有警覺心的話，速度更快。
I used to have painful headache. When consulted a doctor, he told me
jokingly," You will be all right if you get married!" The doctor did
not bullshit me as he had his theory and supported with testimony.
以前我曾經頭痛，痛得非常厲害，去看醫生，醫生說 " 你去結婚就好了 !" 醫生說得沒錯，他有理論根據。
During that time, I used to have headache every night and I was not
able to study. I took medicine but I was not cured.
當時每天晚上都頭痛，沒有辦法看書，有吃藥，也不是辦法。
One night as I sat down to medidate, I closed my right nostril and
breathed with my left nostril. In less than a week, it seemed that my
headache problem had left me! I continued doing it for about a month
and since then there was no recurrence of headache in me.
有一天晚上靜坐，關起右鼻孔呼吸，這樣子做，不到一個禮拜，頭痛好了！持續做了一個月，從那天晚上到現在，一次也沒有頭痛過。
This is my own experience. I used to tell others who also suffer
headache to try this method as it was effective for me. It also works
for those who have tried as well. This is a natural therapy, unlike
taking medicines for a long time may have side effect. So, why don't
you try it out?
這是我自己親身經驗過，每一次我告訴別人，你們頭痛的話，試試看，因為我的身體有效果，很多人試過也有效果。這是一種自然的處理，不像吃藥會有副作用，為什麼不用呢？
Practice the correct ways of breathing (breathe in and breathe out)
and your body will be in a very relaxing condition.
經常清楚的吸氣、吐氣，身體會覺非常輕鬆。
===========================================================================
From My InBox:
Practice this way and it will help you...
Our noses have left and right nostrils. Are these nostrils having the
same function for inhaling (breathe in) and exhaling (breathe out)?
我們有左邊、右邊鼻孔，吸氣、吐氣時有沒有一樣？
Actually it's not the same and we can feel the difference.
Accordingly, the right side represents the sun and the left side
represents the moon.
其實不一樣，可以感覺不一樣；右邊等於是太陽的意思，左邊等於是月亮 .
When having headache, try to close your right nostril and use your
left nostril to do breathing for about 5 min. The headache will be
gone.
平常頭痛時可以用手把右邊鼻孔關起來，只用左邊鼻孔吸氣、吐氣，約五分鐘，頭痛就好了。
If you feel too tired, do it the opposite way. Close your left nostril
and breathe through your right nostril. After a while, you will feel
refresh again.
如果疲倦、累了，相反的關起左邊的鼻孔，只用右邊吸氣、吐氣，不用多久，馬上精神好起了。
Because the right side belongs to heat, so it gets hot easily. The
left side gets cold easily..
因為右邊屬於火氣，比較會熱，左邊比較會涼。
Women breathe mainly with their left nostril, so they get calm down easily.
女生大部分吸氣、吐氣在左邊，所以心比較會涼快。
Men breathe mostly with their right nostril, so they get angry easily.
男生大部分吸氣、吐氣在右邊，所以他們比較會生氣。
When we wake up, do we notice which nostril breathes faster? Is it the
left side or the right side?
我們起床時，可以注意哪邊吸氣、吐氣比較快？左邊或右邊？
If the left nostril breathes faster, you will feel very tired. Close
your left nostril and use your right nostril for breathing and you
will get refresh quickly.
如果左邊比較快，覺得提不起精神，可以關起左邊鼻孔，用右邊呼吸，很快的精神會好起來。
You can teach your kids about it. The effect of breathing therapy is
much better for adults.
這也可以教給小孩，大人用更好。如果你有警覺心的話，速度更快。
I used to have painful headache. When consulted a doctor, he told me
jokingly," You will be all right if you get married!" The doctor did
not bullshit me as he had his theory and supported with testimony.
以前我曾經頭痛，痛得非常厲害，去看醫生，醫生說 " 你去結婚就好了 !" 醫生說得沒錯，他有理論根據。
During that time, I used to have headache every night and I was not
able to study. I took medicine but I was not cured.
當時每天晚上都頭痛，沒有辦法看書，有吃藥，也不是辦法。
One night as I sat down to medidate, I closed my right nostril and
breathed with my left nostril. In less than a week, it seemed that my
headache problem had left me! I continued doing it for about a month
and since then there was no recurrence of headache in me.
有一天晚上靜坐，關起右鼻孔呼吸，這樣子做，不到一個禮拜，頭痛好了！持續做了一個月，從那天晚上到現在，一次也沒有頭痛過。
This is my own experience. I used to tell others who also suffer
headache to try this method as it was effective for me. It also works
for those who have tried as well. This is a natural therapy, unlike
taking medicines for a long time may have side effect. So, why don't
you try it out?
這是我自己親身經驗過，每一次我告訴別人，你們頭痛的話，試試看，因為我的身體有效果，很多人試過也有效果。這是一種自然的處理，不像吃藥會有副作用，為什麼不用呢？
Practice the correct ways of breathing (breathe in and breathe out)
and your body will be in a very relaxing condition.
經常清楚的吸氣、吐氣，身體會覺非常輕鬆。
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
"Tell Your Story" Contest
Now that you have read "Marriage of sharing", what's marriage to you?
To me marriage is like an investment. And the product I have invested in is my husband. There is a "Tell Your Story" contest going on at SlideShare.
Following is my contribution. Vote to help me win USD5K if you like what you read. The link to the contest is on the last slide of my presentation.
Good luck to you (and me).
To me marriage is like an investment. And the product I have invested in is my husband. There is a "Tell Your Story" contest going on at SlideShare.
Following is my contribution. Vote to help me win USD5K if you like what you read. The link to the contest is on the last slide of my presentation.
I Am An Investor
View more OpenOffice presentations from Nancy Poh.
Good luck to you (and me).
The marriage of sharing
What is marriage to you?
My InBox:
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. Th is time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered.....
(Continue below - This is great)
'THE TEETH.'
My InBox:
The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. Th is time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'
She answered.....
(Continue below - This is great)
'THE TEETH.'
Ang Pow Calculator
Use this chart as a guideline and do what my husband do on such occasions. Go alone. Till now, I still can't decide if economy is the factor or age; and I mean mine.
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From My InBox:
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From My InBox:
This is an Incredible story!
Get your hankie ready to wipe off some tears.
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From My InBox:
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
After which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
Walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs
And slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.
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Yeah, laughing can give one the same teary effect.
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From My InBox:
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,
After which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
Walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs
And slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same fucking elephant.
This is for everyone who sends me those heart-warming bullshit stories.
=======================================================================
Yeah, laughing can give one the same teary effect.
Kids speak out on the important issues of the day.
From My InBox:
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the
convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On his first day of school, a little boy handed his primary teacher a note from his mother.
The note read: -
'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the last of the ketchup out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's changing rooms.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform,
she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her. '
Well, then,' she said as she extended her feet toward me, 'would you please tie my shoes?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end my shift, after I had parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got in the back of your van?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What did he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly who are house bound and lived in sheltered accommodation, I quite often used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions.
She merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
I was at my brothers house for the evening to babysit my 7 year old niece.
My neice was watching her mummy get dressed for a formal dinner they were going to.
When she saw her father come into the bedroom to fix his bow tie wearing his dinner suit.
She gasps and said 'Oh! Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?' asked my brother
'Because it always gives you a bad headache in the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our vicar heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had got a small boxwhich they had lined with cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of primary school. On the Friday afternoon as they were walking home
her mother said to her, "Did you enjoy your first week"
Thinking for a moment the little girl replied "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. '
Taken back her mother asked her why she thought that?
To which she replied "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the
convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On his first day of school, a little boy handed his primary teacher a note from his mother.
The note read: -
'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the last of the ketchup out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's changing rooms.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform,
she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her. '
Well, then,' she said as she extended her feet toward me, 'would you please tie my shoes?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end my shift, after I had parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got in the back of your van?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What did he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly who are house bound and lived in sheltered accommodation, I quite often used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions.
She merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
I was at my brothers house for the evening to babysit my 7 year old niece.
My neice was watching her mummy get dressed for a formal dinner they were going to.
When she saw her father come into the bedroom to fix his bow tie wearing his dinner suit.
She gasps and said 'Oh! Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?' asked my brother
'Because it always gives you a bad headache in the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our vicar heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had got a small boxwhich they had lined with cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of primary school. On the Friday afternoon as they were walking home
her mother said to her, "Did you enjoy your first week"
Thinking for a moment the little girl replied "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. '
Taken back her mother asked her why she thought that?
To which she replied "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT.
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