Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Kids speak out on the important issues of the day.

From My InBox:


I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the
convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'


On his first day of school, a little boy handed his primary teacher a note from his mother.

The note read: -
'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'


A woman was trying hard to get the last of the ketchup out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'


A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's changing rooms.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at a primary school,
I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my uniform,
she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report.
'My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' I told her. '
Well, then,' she said as she extended her feet toward me, 'would you please tie my shoes?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end my shift, after I had parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me.
'Is that a dog you got in the back of your van?' he asked.

'It sure is,' I replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.

Finally he said, 'What did he do?'


While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly who are house bound and lived in sheltered accommodation, I quite often used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions.
She merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'


I was at my brothers house for the evening to babysit my 7 year old niece.

My neice was watching her mummy get dressed for a formal dinner they were going to.
When she saw her father come into the bedroom to fix his bow tie wearing his dinner suit.
She gasps and said 'Oh! Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?' asked my brother

'Because it always gives you a bad headache in the next morning.'


While walking along the pavement in front of his church, our vicar heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had got a small boxwhich they had lined with cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)


A little girl had just finished her first week of primary school. On the Friday afternoon as they were walking home
her mother said to her, "Did you enjoy your first week"
Thinking for a moment the little girl replied "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. '
Taken back her mother asked her why she thought that?
To which she replied "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"


A little boy opened the big family Bible.
He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.
He picked up the object and looked at it.
What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'


No comments: