CLASSIC QUOTES - When insults had Class!

From My InBox:

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."



A member of Parliament to Disraeli:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli,

"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."



"He had delusions of adequacy."

- Walter Kerr



"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

- Winston Churchill



"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

- Clarence Darrow



"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).



"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

- Moses Hadas



"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

- Mark Twain



"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

- Oscar Wilde



"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a

friend.... if you have one."

- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

- Winston Churchill, in response.



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

- Stephen Bishop



"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

- John Bright



"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

- Irvin S. Cobb



"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."

- Samuel Johnson



"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

- Paul Keating



"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

- Charles, Count Talleyrand



"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

- Forrest Tucker



"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

- Mark Twain



"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

- Mae West



"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

- Oscar Wilde



"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support

rather than illumination."

- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)



"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

- Billy Wilder



"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

- Groucho Marx