CHURCH SERVICE...(IN THE NEAR FUTURE)

From My InBox:

PASTOR:  Praise the Lord.

CONGREGATION:  Halleluiah !



PASTOR:  Can we please turn our tablet PC, iPad, mobile phone, kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13....! And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.... !

PASTOR: Let us pray committing this week into God's hands. Open your WhatsApp, BBM, Twitter andFacebook and chat with your God. Comeon.....

PASTOR: Please have your credit and debit cards ready as we shall now take tithes and offerings. You can log on to the church Wi-Fi usingthe password Lord909887.

Ushers circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers.

Those who prefer to make electronic funds transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church and those who prefer to use iPads allowed to flip them open. Those who prefer telephone banking are allowed to take out their cellphones to transfer their contributions to the church bank account.


The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the mobile phones , iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker..


[Announcement]

SECRETARY: This week's cell meetings shall be held on the various Facebookgroup pages where the usual group chatting takes place.

Please don't miss out. Thursday's bible teachings will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out. You can follow Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counselling and prayers. God bless you and

have a wonderful week....

 

The many faces of Chinese

From My InBox:

China ethnic group from He Yan

Watching days roll by...

Do you know what it looks like to watch as the days roll by?

Let Jeong Yong show you with his creation of ONE Table Calendar.

Papers are no longer required as calendars to remind us of the date of the day, its month or year.  Just this creative magnetic conception by Jeong Yong will do just fine.

I am rather (magnetically) attracted by it.  Aren't you?

Big Bad Wolf at Big Bad Wolf Sales

Be wary of a guy standing near the entrance of Big Bad Wolf Sales.

He will pass you a form to fill in your personal particulars for a lucky draw.  Then you will get a call the following day to inform you that you are a winner and your family will receive a boat ride and free dinner at Palace of Golden Horses.

It turned out to be a ruse to get you there to listen to their talk so that you can take up membership plan for their health and / or vacation club.


So, if you have also been tricked into attending "Palace of Golden Horses" talks with free dinner and boat ride, please write to the organiser of Big Bad Wolf Sales at the following email address to file your complain and put an end to this:



bbwb@4thirteenmedia.com

This is the message we wrote to the organiser:

We attended your Big Bad Wolf Sales and was approached by a guy standing near the entrance.

He passed us a form to fill in our personal particulars for a lucky draw.  As we thought that it was organised by your company, we went ahead and fill in the details.

My husband received a call the following day to inform him that he is one of the winners from Big Bad Wolf Sales.  He was informed that he and his family members are invited for a boat ride and free dinner at Palace of Golden Horses at 7.00pm on 19 December, 2012.

On the day of the event, possibly to ensure that we will turn up, he was given a code # and informed that he will also receive free hotel stay of his choice, at a number of states mentioned.

When we arrived, we were informed that we have to attend their talk on health club membership before we proceed to another talk on vacation club membership.  That will take about an hour before we could have our "dinner".

As it turned out to be a ruse to get us there for the talks, we complaint to the staff manning the vacation club and was informed that it has nothing to do with them as the invitation was carried out by a telemarketing department headed by Manager, Balan (0123020543).  We were also informed that the "dinner" mentioned was just "refreshment".

We refused to attend both talks organised and we left.  We had to pay RM6 for parking as the staff there refused to allow us free parking even though they agreed that we have been tricked into attending their events.

I am sure that we are not the only "Big Bad Wolf Sales" customers who have been tricked by them.  I hope that your company will look into this issue and not let a happy shopping experience at "Big Bad Wolf Sales" end in such a bad taste.

===============================================


Google "Mines Palace of Golden Horses scam" and read complaints posted by others tricked into attending health and vacation club membership organised by "Palace of Golden Horses".

http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/2068784/all

The Company Christmas Party

What's the big deal about setting up a Company Christmas Party?

From The Laughter Club:

Company memo

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All Employees 
DATE: October 1, 2012 
RE: Gala Christmas Party

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. 
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols Feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! 
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. 
This gathering is only for employees! 
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! 
Merry Christmas to you and your family, 
Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All Employees 
DATE: October 2, 2012 
RE: Gala Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. 
However, from now on, we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. 
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. 
We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. 
Happy now? 
Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All Employees 
DATE: October 3, 2012 
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. 
I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? 
Somebody? 
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. 
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
To: All Employees 
DATE: October 4, 2012 
RE: Generic Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. 
There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? 
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. 
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men - each group will have their own table. 
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table. 
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry. 
We will have booster seats for short people. 
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. 
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first. 
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry! 
Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

Company Memo 
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director 
TO: All F*%^ing Employees 
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party

I’ve had it with you vegetarian jerks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. 
But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW! 
The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! 
The B*tch from H*ll!!!

Company Memo 
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director 
DATE: October 6, 2012 
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the hospital. 
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. 
Happy Whatever!

Joan

Merry X'Mas and Happy New Year

I am not able to verify if this message is indeed written by RAJA ZARITH IDRIS, the Sultanah of Johore.  I received it via an email from a Singaporean friend.

But there is one thing for sure.  If you read the philosophy shared here, it will make you very proud just thinking that it is written by one of your countryman.

"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year"

From My InBox:

MESSAGE FROM THE SULTANAH OF JOHORE   RAJA ZARITH IDRIS (Sultanah of Johore)   Season of goodwill MIND MATTER  by RAJA ZARITH IDRIS (Sultanah of Johore) If Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Isa (Jesus), a prophet respected and revered in Islam, is it so wrong to wish a blessed day for those who celebrate it? DURING the days before Christmas last year, I wished my friends who were celebrating it "Merry Christmas" in much the same way they would wish me "Selamat Hari Raya" or "Happy Eid". I find it rather sad that such a simple greeting – one which I grew up with and which I have never regarded as something that would compromise or de-value my own faith – is now regarded as something so religiously incorrect for us Malaysian Muslims. When I was at boarding school in England , I had to go to church every Sunday because it was part of the rules. My father advised me to consider it as part of my "education" and he had no doubt that the experience would strengthen rather than weaken my own faith. I was able to see the similarities and differences between Christianity and Islam. I learned more than the average Malaysian Muslim would about Christianity. I learnt that just as we Muslims categorise ourselves according to the four different schools of thoughts of the four Imams (Imam Malik, Imam Al Shafi, Imam Abu Hanifa and Imam Ahmad Abn Hambal) and are either Sunnis or Shias, so Christians too are divided into different sects or churches. Going to church did not make me less of a Muslim when I was a young girl, and neither does saying "Merry Christmas" make me less of a Muslim now. My faith has not been shaken just because I wished some friends a time of joy with their families. Neither will I suddenly suffer from amnesia and forget what my religion is. What I do not wish to forget, however, is that there are good, kind people who are not of the same faith as me. As Harun Yahya, the Turkish writer (he was selected last year as one of the 500 most influential Muslims in the world by the Royal Isla mic Strategic Studies Centre of Jordan ) noted: "Islam is a religion of peace, love and tolerance". Today, however, some circles have been presenting a false image of Islam, as if there were conflict between Islam and the adherents of the two other monotheistic religions. Yet Islam's view of Jews and Christians, who are named `the People of the Book' in the Quran, is very friendly and tolerant. "This attitude towards the People of the Book developed during the years of the birth of Islam. At that time, Muslims were a minority, struggling to protect their faith and suffering oppression and torture from the pagans of the city of Mecca . Due to this persecution, some Muslims decided to flee Mecca and shelter in a safe country with a just ruler. The Prophet Muhammad told them to take refuge with King Negus, the Christian king of Ethiopia . The Muslims who followed this advice found a very fair administration that embraced them with love and respect when they went to Ethiopia . King Negus refused the demands of the pagan messengers who asked him to surrender the Muslims to them, and announced that Muslims could live freely in his country. "Such attitudes of Christian people that are based on the concepts of compassion, mercy, modesty and justice, constitute a fact that God has pointed out in the Quran." I do not wish to be a self-centred Muslim who expects friends of other faiths to wish me Selamat Hari Raya or, for those who are not Malaysians and therefore do not know about Hari Raya, a Happy Eid and yet do not return their goodwill when it is Christmas, Chinese New Year, Deepavali or Vesak Day. Every year, friends who are Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Sikhs or those without any faith come to our home to celebrate Hari Raya with us. They do so with sincerity and as a mark of respect for one of the most important days in the Muslim calendar. Why should we not reciprocate their kindness, show them the same mark of respect for their religion and wish them the same joy on their holy days of celebration? An Islamic scholar and lecturer also reminded me that as Muslims we must remember the importance of both the five Pillars of Islam and in the six Pillars of Iman (Faith), which are:Belief in Allah; Belief in the angels; Belief in the revealed Books (which include the Bible, the Torah and the Holy Quran); Belief in the Prophets (May Peace be Upon Them); Belief in the Resurrection and the events of Kiamah, the Day of Judgement; and Belief in the predestination (Qada' and Qadar) by Allah in all things. The prophets include not just Muhammad (May Peace Be Upon Him) as the last prophet and as the Messenger of Islam, but also in the 24 earlier ones who are mentioned in both the Bible and the Quran. Four of them are Ibrahim (Abraham), Musa (Moses), Daud (David), and Isa (Jesus). So, if Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Isa (Jesus), a prophet respected and revered in Islam, is it so wrong to wish a blessed day for those who celebrate it? We are now in the second decade of the 21st century. Surely, we should, now more than ever, be far more enlightened at a time when information of any sort and of all kinds are so readily available to us. What is most important is that we regard one another as fellow citizens and treat each other with respect, regardless of our race or religion. The writer is Royal Fellow, School of Language Studies and Linguistics, Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM), and holds a BA (Honours) degree in Chinese Studies, University of Oxford . [The writer is also the current Sultanah of Johor]

Single handed Inspiration

Need to motivate your children to pick up playing a musical instrument?  Let them watch this video.  It may encourage them to do more.

From My InBox:

Alexander Tsiaras: Conception to birth

Watch how a baby is formed in the womb, right from the egg and sperm stage.

From My InBox:

Newest MRI x-ray scanning technology won its two inventors the Nobel Peace Prize.

Starting my weekend...

Obviously my friends want me to start my weekend laughing, reading my "office" mails.

From the Laughter Club

"Morning Sex "

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
Wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
This is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then Gave it my
all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,

"What was that all about?"

She explained,

"The egg timer's broken."

A camping he will go

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Shit Ron, how long you been here?
How did you talk your missus into letting you go ?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who ?'"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!

She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So . . . . here I am !

THE MEDIUM

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic
delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible
death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the
single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind
racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will
I be acquitted?"

Kick start your business

Who's that at my door?  Let me check my mobile phone… Oh, that's me dreaming that I have DoorBot, that Wi-Fi-connected "doorbell" thingy, installed in my house.

Design think tank Edison Junior broadcasted at kickstarter.com that they needed USD250,000 to start the production but by September 22, 2012 they have reached their million dollars mark.  Don’t believe me?  See for yourself at KickSstarter.

Crowdfunding is the way to go for creative inventors when they need the capital to start their venture. 

I picked this up from reading gizmag

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE!

From The Laughter Club:

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
To be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 
'Good morning,' said the young man.' 
'If I could take a couple minutes of your time, 
I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.' 
''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' 
And she proceeded to close the door. 
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed 
It wide open... 
''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' 
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 
"Now if this vacum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your 
carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." 
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork and a bib smartass
'cause they cut off my electricity this morning." 

Looking through a window...

I tested this with the addresses of a shop in Victoria, Australia and one in Oregon, USA and it works!

If this works for you too, you won't have to miss your friends or relatives, who live overseas, as you can take a peek at the environment they live in.

I think that this is also a great way to find out if the address someone gives you does exit.  What do you think?

From My InBox:

This is quite astonishing. How "they" do it is mind boggling. Makes you wonder what is happening that we don't know about. The picture of your house (as in Google maps) may not be its best aspect, but how "they" are able to get it up so quickly is astonishing!! The originators of this is a group called Pusher. Pusher is a digital creative agency with offices in Sydney and Brisbane.

Just type in your address or any family/friend's addresses and look through the window at the snow falling on your home today.  
 
Click below to get something for Christmas you won't get anywhere else. 
 
http://www.pusher.com.au/clients/pusher-christmas-2011 

Complete and Finished

From My InBox:


No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best
linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner.

His final challenge was this: "Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand."

Here is his astute answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

POEMS FOUND IN A MEN'S PUBLIC TOILET

From My In Box:

POEMS FOUND IN A MEN'S PUBLIC TOILET (in Singapore )

The first one goes:

THE 'FUTURE' IS IN YOUR HAND, HOLD IT GENTLY'

Another one...

Here I lie in stinky vapour,

Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,

Shall I lie, or shall I linger,

Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

This one by a budding poet...

Here I sit

Broken hearted

Tried to shit

But only farted

Then the next guy comes along....

You're lucky

You had your chance

I tried to fart,

And shit my pants!

Third guy with some inspiration.....

I came here

To shit and stink,

But all I do

Is sit and think.

The 4th guy....

Some come here to sit and think,

Some come here to shit and stink,

But I come

here to scratch my balls ,

And read the bullshit on the walls.....

Then this guy from Singapore Fire Dept ....... (written high upon the wall)

If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you.

Since the Ministry of Environment owns the toilets they have something to say too.....

We aim to please!

You aim too! Please

and on the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance.

And finally a restaurant owner took this aiming issue a step further.....
The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly.

Free image from

http://office.microsoft.com