Starting my weekend...

Obviously my friends want me to start my weekend laughing, reading my "office" mails.

From the Laughter Club

"Morning Sex "

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
Wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
This is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then Gave it my
all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,

"What was that all about?"

She explained,

"The egg timer's broken."

A camping he will go

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Shit Ron, how long you been here?
How did you talk your missus into letting you go ?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who ?'"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes!!!
She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!

She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So . . . . here I am !

THE MEDIUM

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic
delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible
death this year."

Visibly shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the
single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind
racing. She simply had to know.

She met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will
I be acquitted?"