Mother-in-law tales

I, like a lot of other people see my mother-in-Law as little as possible. I find that she's always moaning. An example would be the time I gave her a lift to the shops and all I could hear was moan moan, moan. And she was still moaning when I let her out of the boot.

when mine makes soup, pygmies come from miles around to dip their arrows in it.

I am not saying mine talks a lot but when we all go on holiday she has to put sun block on her tongue.

I was telling a mate in the pub that my mother-in-law was an angel. He told me I was lucky, his was still alive.

Took the dog to the vet to get his tail cut off. He asked me why a lurcher needed his tail cut off. Told him the mother-in-law was visiting and I didn't want anything to make her feel welcome.

They buried my mates mother-in-law last week so I went along as support. I asked the gravedigger why the hole was 18ft instead of 6ft. He told me that deep down mothers-in-law were very nice people.

I have the perfect MIL. She's dead. Took a while to happen but it was worth the wait.

Gave my mother in law a chair for christmas, she still won't plug it in....

I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my MIL up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".

My MIL asked me, "If you hate me so much, why is my photo on the mantelpiece?" I told her, "So as to keep the kids away from the fire."

I wouldn't say my MIL is fat, but no matter where you sit in a room, she's sitting next to you.

One's MIL is coming down next week for Easter. Lucyfer doesn't yet realise just how far I can actually walk in one weekend.

My MIL asked "Why don't you grow a moustache?" I replied "why would I want to look like you...".

"That MIL was so fat, she had to be got off the beach to let the tide in.".

MIL was on phone to wife and she asked me "how would you like to talk to Mum?" She hit me when I said "preferably through a medium".

I just came back from a pleasure trip.i brought my mil to the airport.