Facebook for Nonprofits

Are you a member of a non profit organisation? How do they communicate with its members on events they hold? Try FaceBook. David Griner shared how it works on SlideShare.

Facebook for Nonprofits

View more presentations from David Griner.

That is how the Sungai Long Buddhist Society is doing it. Now I know why.

TV programmes worldwide

If you miss the TV programmes you have watched while you were living overseas, try googling "watch tv on pc" and see what comes up.

I discovered Worldwide Internet TV doing that. Click on the country of your interest to check out if the programmes you like are there. If you can't find what you are looking for, there are so many other programmes from other countries to check out that you will not have time to be disappointed.

You can also check out my earlier post on the same subject for more links.

Funny Quotes

From My InBox:

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
<><>
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
- Mark Twain
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal

Directory of Kindergarten, Nursery and Daycare

Are you trying to locate a kindergarten, nursery or daycare in Malaysia? Check out Kindergarten Malaysia. Just select the states you are in and it will show you a list of any available.

What I like about the site is that there is a link to "Talent Centre" and from there you will be able to locate organisations or centres for children with special needs.

You can also find educational articles on the site and links to useful websites.

What's up your sleeves 1/4?

What tricks have you played this April Fool's Day? Find out what my friend, Avalok, is up to on Slidehare.

I am a Million Dollar Man

View more presentations from Avalok Sastri.

IS EDITING A LOST ART?

From My InBox:

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

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I just couldn't help but sending this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No, really? Ya think?

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jay walkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

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J u venile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

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War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction program!

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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

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And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

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Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, at least once a day!

The Vicar's Salary

From My InBox:

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, ‘If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'

More sighs and loud applause.

Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, 'If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'

There is total silence.

The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.

YouTube Videos on SlideShows

Now you can include videos you discovered on YouTube and add it to your presentation you want to post on SlideShare. I am not going to write you the "how to" because Rashmi can show you the steps in her slideshow. She has also thrown in some reasons why you should pick up this trick.

YouTube videos inside SlideShare

View more presentations from rashmi.

GOOD MORNING MESSAGE

From My InBox:

There is only one difference
between dream and aim

Dream requires Soundless sleep to see…

Where as Aim Requires Sleepless
Efforts to Achieve.

Murphy's Laws...

I missed my friend from SlideShare, Katerina, when she was away on holiday. Then she came back with slideshow.

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From My InBox:

Murphy's Laws...

View more presentations from ak85ka.

A break is definitely good for creativity.

How old are you?

How old are you? Check this out and see if you are older than dirt.

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From My InBox:

I've seen one similar to this before but this one goes further. Yes I am definitely "older than dirt" and yes some of the things listed (eg: cracker night) are among my best memories. There are only 2 items I don't remember, because I never saw them. If you're interested their numbers appear at the bottom of the email.

OLDER THAN DIRT


'Hey Dad,' someone's kid asked the other day, 'What was your favourite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' he was informed. 'All the food was slow.'

'Come on, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at home,'' it was explained. 'Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard the father was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so Dad didn't tell him the part about how he had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things he would have told him about his childhood if he figured his system could have handled it:


Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a store card. The card was good only at Farmers (now Myers).


My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 18, and my grandparents never had one. It was, of course, black and white.



I was 20 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.



We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a 'machine.'



I never had a telephone in my room. Never had a phone in the house, until I built my own house. We fought with my mother to get a phone after Dad died. she used to use the phone box on the corner.. in all weathers. When growing up, there was no dial on the phone, you asked the switchboard operator for the number you wanted. The exchange joined the connections with cables.



Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.



All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I never delivered a newspaper.



Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.



If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.


Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?


MEMORIES from a friend:



My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old tomato sauce bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old, coz I remember that.


Older Than Dirt Quiz:

How many do you remember?
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about . Ratings at the bottom.

1. Choo Choo bars
2. Drive in movies
3. Passenger aircraft with propellers
4. Soft drink machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or milk bars with tableside juke boxes
6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with foil stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. Packard's
10. Blue flashbulb
11. Telephone numbers with 2 letters and 4 numbers
12. Peashooters
13. Wash tub wringer
14. 78 RPM records
15. Metal ice trays with lever
16. Not wearing seat belts
17. Cracker night
18. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals
19. Bread delivered by horse and cart
20. Head lights dimmer switches on the floor
21. Ignition switches on the dashboard
22. Heaters mounted on the inside of the wall
23. Real ice boxes
24. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards
25. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner

26. Kerosene lamps to light your living room because you didn't have electricity yet

27 Checkout ladies who punched in prices of groceries on the cash register

28 Savings account passbooks

29. Ladies wearing hats, gloves, stockings and high heels to church even on hot days

30. Computers that were the size of rooms and were only located somewhere overseas


If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 15-20 = Better sign up for that pension,
If you remembered 21-30 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends..

Breast Cancer! (Prevention)

I always remind my kids not to use plastic bottles freely to to avoid drinking from bottles marked with recycling numbers 3, 6 and 7.

On your part, if you need to buy plastic containers for storing drinks or food, check out the ones made in Japan or from Rubbermaid. You will notice that the recycling number is usually 5. Even when storing hot oily food in such plastic containers consider lining it with aluminum foil to play safe.

Check out a slideshow I did for my kids if you would like to have an idea
of what I am talking about.

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From My InBox:

Bottled water in your car is very dangerous to women
放在汽車裡的瓶裝水對女性是非常危險的事情 ﹗ ! !!
This is how Sheryl Crow got breast cancer.
She was on the Ellen show and said this same exact thing.
This has been identified as the most common cause of the high levels in breast cancer 、 especially in Australia .
這就是謝莉 ‧ 克羅得乳腺癌的原因。 她在上艾倫的節目裡提到這是千真萬確的事情。這已經被鑑定是罹患乳腺癌裡的高危險因素中最常見的原因了，尤其是在澳洲地區。
A friend whose mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.
The Doctor told her: women should not drink bottled water that has been left in a car.
有位朋友的母親最近才被診斷出乳腺癌。 醫生告訴她︰婦女實在不應該喝留放在汽車裡的瓶裝水。
The doctor said that the heat and the plastic of the bottle have certain chemicals that can lead to breast cancer.
So please be careful and do not drink bottled water that has been left in a car 、 and 、 pass this on to all the women in your life.
This information is the kind we need to know and be aware of and it just might save a life.
這醫生還說熱能和塑膠瓶子兩者遇在一起就會產生化學物質 , 而那些將會導致人們罹患乳腺癌。因此請小心並且千萬不要喝留放在車子裡頭的瓶裝水 . 請把這信息傳遞給你生命中的所有女性親友。這是一則或許可以拯救一個生命的訊息 , 我們不只應該知道 , 而且要多加小心 .
The heat causes toxins from the plastic to leak into the water and they have found these toxins in breast tissue.
Use a stainless steel Canteen or a glass bottle when you can!!!
熱能釋放出塑膠裡的有毒物質後 , 這些物質就滲入到了水裡頭，而人們的胸部組織裡頭竟然就發現了這種毒素。所以如果可以的話，切記改用不鏽鋼杯或是玻璃瓶都好 ﹗ ! !
LET EVERYONE WHO HAS A WIFE / GIRLFRIEND / DAUGHTER KNOW PLEASE.
請用力傳給您的妻女 / 朋友知道吧！

Don't dream. Work on it!

Ever thought of starting up something but never got around to it? Here is an idea I have thought of before.

Create Your Own Critter

View more presentations from Annie Snyder.

Looking at the happy faces of the little designers on Annie Snyder's website makes me wonder what stopped me in my track.

Security system? Think you don't need it?

When the housing estates around my own started setting up their own security systems, the crime rate in my neighbourhood increased.

I am lucky that some residents in my housing estate have volunteered to set one up and all I have to do is to support it by paying a small fee to engage security guards. It is not an easy process to start up as there will be residents who will complaint about the system or give lots of excuses to avoid paying.

Following is a video of a robbery that occured in Taman Maluri, Cheras, forwarded by one of the residents for those who think that we do not need a security system in our neighbourhood.

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From My InBox:

BAPTIZING A DRUNK‏

Baptizing A Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.'
By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds.

When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,


'Are you sure this is where he fell in?

Why Pay More? Ways to Save Personal Income Tax

From My InBox:

Invitation to Attend a Complimentary Talk
"Why Pay More? Ways to Save Personal Income Tax"
on 2 April 2009 (Thursday), 7.30pm - 9.30pm
at 12th Floor, Wisma MCA, Jalan Ampang, KL

Greetings from Centre for Extension Education, Universiti Tunku Abdul
Rahman (UTAR-CEE) and MCA Lifelong Learning (MCA LLL).

In our continuing effort to promote lifelong learning to constantly
update and upgrade our knowledge and skills to cope with this rapidly
changing world, UTAR-CEE in collaboration with MCA LLL, organises
talks and forums for the community and public. Speakers with relevant
expertise are invited to share their thoughts and lead the discussion
at the talks.

In the midst of economic downturn, it is important to know that every
ringgit counts. In this talk, KK Chow will introduce ways to save on
paying personal income tax and all you need to know about income tax
2009. The talk will be conducted in Mandarin.

On behalf of the University, I take great pleasure in inviting you to
this talk. The talk details are as below:

Title: Why Pay More? Ways to Save Personal Income Tax
轻松省税 DIY
(programme information enclosed)
Date: 2 April 2009 (Thursday)
Time: 7.30pm - 9.30pm
Venue: 12th Floor, Wisma MCA, Jalan Ampang, KL
Admission: Free (First-Registered-First-Served Basis)

For enquires and registration, please contact Ms Rajes / Ms Yong at
03-79555181 ext 8212 / 8611 / 03-79572818 / 016-2233 563 Fax:
03-79573818. Email: cee@utar.edu.my.

Due to limited seats, pre-registration is required, before 23 March
2009.

Memo from God

From My InBox:

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.
I love you.

P.S. And, remember...
If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Should you decide to send this to a friend; Thank you. You may have touched their life in ways you will never know!
Now, you have a nice day.
God

Top 10 Life Purpose

Amir Saif shared what living is about.

Top 10 Life Purpose

View more presentations from Amir Saif .

Jokes to start your day

From My InBox:

(1) Chinese Adam & Eve:

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise
because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

(2) Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

(3) A tap on the driver

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window..

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me."

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

11 people...on a rope

From My InBox:

Eleven people were hanging on a rope,
under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,
so they decided that one had to leave,
because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person,
until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,
because, as a woman,
she was used to giving up everything
for her husband and kids or for men in general,
and was used to always making sacrifices
with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech,
all the men started clapping . . . . . .

SEND THIS MAIL TO AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN, SO
THAT SHE HAS SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT TODAY !!!

Women in public toilet

From My InBox:

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ' The Stance.
In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.
In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)

You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door.

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.

Send this to all women & friends that need a good laugh.


A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Share this with a friend!


I Just Did!

Some Cool Looking Gadgets

Need inspiration to innovate? This slideshow by Praveen may help.

Some Cool Looking Gadgets

View more presentations from Praveen Sinha.

Got Roots?

Take time to look through this. It's a compilation of books that John Kissinger has read. It teaches you how to look for the root causes that are effecting your business before you start seeking solutions.

Got Roots?

View more presentations from John Kissinger.

I can apply that to my life too.

Discover a better life...

From My InBox:

Don't you just love Barry Hilton. Always knows just how to make you laugh and forget that life sucks.

1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.

2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

4.. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early".

5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on & a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster & radio.

8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

10.. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."

11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.

12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."

14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big I'd get.

16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up & I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said... "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.

18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 of those times I was reading it.

20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.

21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.

Police ID Card

From My InBox:

Below is the real policeman ID:

  

A REAL policeman ID card is light yellow in color with Logo & the word 'polis diraja malaysia' in front. At the back, there will be a passport size photo, name & matriks number.

Hope this thing wont happen again and wont happen to any of you as well ...

Ladies, be alert . It is happening in Penang !!!

I used to receive forwarded emails regarding incidents of being 'disturbed' by a fake policeman but I don't really believe that until i met one last saturday .
It was 8.30am when I was driving at Jln Ayer Itam. I noticed a motorbike following me closely. Of course I didnt suspect anything bcos that is the main road to town. However, at the Mobil petrol station, b4 SRJK Shang Wu, I turned left to Tmn Lumba Kuda & he followed.

This time he was riding the motorbike on my right & took out his handcuff and kept saying 'Saya polis'. I ignored him... Then at the tmn lumba kuda housing area he overtook my car & stopped his motorbike infront on me.
I stopped & waited till he got down from his bike then I drove off again. Unfortunately, we met again at the tuffclub traffic light. This time, he kept knocking at my window and asking me to co me out from my car. He also showed me a so called police ID card without photo or logo.

I'm very sure that he is not a genuine policeman. Even if he is a real one, and if I did break any traffic rules , he can just send me a summon without needing me to get down from my car. So, I decided go drive to police station. He followed me till a few hundreds metre b4 I turned to the police station.
He is a medium size Malay guy, abt 165-170cm height.Riding Modenas Kriss 100 , PGN 74 .

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN ...

From My InBox:

This is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen and is so true:

I dreamed that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received'

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.

The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them. 'I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. 'This is the Acknowledgment Section,' my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed 'How is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.

'So sad,' the angel sighed. 'After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments .'

'How does one acknowledge God's blessings?' I asked.

'Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, 'Thank you, God.'

'What blessings should they acknowledge? ' I asked.

'If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy .'

'And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity. '

'If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day .'

'If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 700 million people in the world.'

'If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world! .'

'If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare .'

'If you can hod your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair.'

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

ATTN:

Acknowledge Dept.: 'Thank you God, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with.'

If you have read this far, and are thankful for all that you have been blessed with, how can you not send it on???? I thank God for everything, especially all my family and friends!!

CRIME REPORT BY UTAR STUDENTS

From My InBox:

We (3 UTAR students) waited for bus since late 7 evening at the bus
stop for bus number U41 Rapid KL beside Times Square. There are many
people there mostly consist of malays. The bus came at around 8.45pm
bus it was too packed. So we waited for another round. Until 9.50pm
the bus has not arrived. A young malay boy suddenly talk to us like
wanted to quarrel, so my
friend (boy) ignore him. That malay boy tap my friend’s shoulder, and
after that my friend were being punched in the eye and dragged to the
back of the bus stop and continuously beaten by at least 3 malay young
men. I called for help but all the malays (around 30) stood by,
everybody thought it was just normal fighting. Until they have beaten
my friend for around 3 minutes, all
of them ran away. My friend then only told us that they had taken his
mobile phone in his pocket. My bag was carried by him was taken too.
Inside consist of a camera(Sony T-100, forgot to report), wallet
including Identification Card, car and motor license, credit card, atm
card, UTAR student card and about RM 20 cash inside.

We had made a police report number THSL/007777/09 at Dang Wangi police
station around 10.49pm. After that we sent our friend to Selayang
Hospital for his injury.

After we analyze the whole incident, we realize that, the fighting was
being purposely created in order to create a chaos situation where
they can take advantage of it to steal and rob our longings. This is
because, we did not do anything to stir them up but they act it as if
both parties were meant to fight. In between the beating, they took
our belongings without us(all the witness of the situation) realizing
at all. Until they have ran away, only
we know what is really happening.

I have heard that many cases have already happened there with the same
tactic. But it is still happening. As a UTARian, Sg Long campus
student, that bus stop is the only way for us to take bus back from
that area. It is very dangerous for us and thus, I hope that the media
can perform their role for the society since the authority did not
manage to stop this from happening again and again. I also hope that
the authority can take these cases more seriously since it has already
happened many times and that place is tourism hotspot. I believe that
Malaysians will hope to give tourist a good impression about Malaysia
especially on the safety side. I hope to warn all people to be aware
of the tactics these people are using and avoid becoming the next
victim.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW燜OR A HAPPY LIFE:

From My InBox:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3.. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

Need definitions for acronym or abbreviation?

Just discovered an All Acronyms Dictionary. You can search with the acronym or abbreviation for its definition just by clicking on one of the alphabets. Or go straight to the category of your interest listed:

Business
Common
Education
Government
Locations
Medical
Military
Modern Slang
Organizations
Science
Technology

Currently there are 754,547 acronym or abbreviation recorded there. Not likely to miss the very one you are looking for, right?

THE GRANDMOTHER'S ANSWERING MACHINE

You can't take for granted that your mother will help you out with the kids anymore, no matter how precious they are to her. My mother's complained that my children are too noisy. They sometimes fight over the remote control and disrupt her TV programme routine.

=========================================================================

From My InBox:

Hello - this is Sadie, I'm not at home right now but should you wish to
leave a message, you may do so now. If you are one of my children - press 1

If you want me to babysit - press 2

If your car is dead in the garage and you need to use mine - press 3

If you're baking, need an ingredient and I must rush out and get it for
you - press 4

If I need to take the grandkids to school/nursery
school/soccer/cricket/ballet/kindermusiek/swimming lessons/Little
Champs/Playball - press 5

If I have to pick up the grandkids from school/nursery
school/soccer/cricket/ballet/kindermusiek/swimming lessons/Little
Champs/Playball/ -press 6

If you're at a meeting and you won't make it home in time so I must take the
kids to the dentist /orthodontist /speech therapist/accelerated learning
program/child psychologist/extra maths - press 7

If you want the kids to sleep over even though it's my bridge night - press
8

If you are one of my friends....What are you thinking? Who has time to talk
to you???

How safe can you go?

If the economic crisis hits you, how would you hang on to what you have?

===========================================================================
From My InBox:

Take a Good Look at Your Feet

From My InBox:

The Chinese believe "cold arises from the feet" and "a person's aging starts from the feet". The feet are the source of hidden troubles for premature senility and pathological changes in the human body. The Chinese believe that every meridian point in our feet is a part of our body system; therefore foot reflexology is the ideal treatment for the elderly, the stressed executive, the sportsman, in fact just about anybody. But did you know that just by observing the shape of a person's feet and legs, you can learn about their characteristics, personality traits and innermost secrets?

When legs are long, lean and smooth, this suggests the person will enjoy a smooth sailing life with few obstacles. You are an active, hardworking and helpful person. You are likely to have a very good life before your thirties. After 30, your life depends on other destiny indicators.

When your legs are short relative to your body, this suggests you are smart, attentive and quiet. You prefer jobs which do not require you to deal with too many people. You may face some obstacles before your thirties, but after that your luck improves tremendously for the better.

Someone who walks with an inward splay suggests they are low profile, preferring the stable life rather than taking risks.

If you walk with a splayed feet, it suggests you are a busybody. You can be more into other people's business than your own. You love to show off to others and are usually very talkative.

When feet are bony, this suggests a poor person. Life has many difficulties and it is a struggle to make life go smoothly. So do try to fatten up your feet. Nothing like good fleshy feet to bring the good life!

When your toes are sharp in shape, it suggests you are the black sheep of the family. You love to spend money but are lazy to work; it indicates a lack of great achievement in life.

When your feet are meaty and smooth, it suggests you will become very prosperous and rich. It is also an indication that such a person's family is very rich, belonging to the privileged class.

When your toenails are round in shape and smooth, especially if you are a woman, this suggests you will marry a rich husband.

When your toes are tiny, this suggests you are a responsible and honest person. People with tiny toes are said to make good spouse material.

When you feet are big, (size 8 and above for men and size 7 and above for women) this indicates you are a "survivor". You can deal with any kinds of problems, setbacks, obstacles or difficult people. You are decisive and can provide strong leadership.

When your middle toe is the longest among your toes, it is not a good indication as it suggests your destiny could turn irksome during middle age. You could suffer from a perpetual shortage of money and face obstacles that block your success.

When your second toe is longer than your big toe, this suggests you will have plenty of food on the table and plenty of friends around you. You impress others with your good heart, so many will speak well of you. But you need to work hard to maintain your increasingly extravagant lifestyle.

When your feet are small (size 6 and below for men and size 5 and below for women) you should take good care of your nose or breathing system. You are mature and prudent but should learn to overcome your jealous nature and tendencies, as they could bring about your downfall or be a major source of unhappiness.

The colour of your toes can not only indicate the condition of your health, it can also indicate your potential for wealth. Toes which are milky white and transparent suggest you will have a stable life. Grey toes suggest you will have a tough life. The best colour however is reddish, which suggests someone rich and successful.

When your toes are big, this suggests you are a leader. You can be a very stubborn person, hot tempered and possessive, but you can arouse great passion in others.

When your toes are meaty and uneven in size, it suggests you have the luck to own property and enjoy good fortune. You have the potential to become a property tycoon.

AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS

Be wary of what you pray for.

=============================================================================
From My InBox:

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!
'What powerful rivers!
'What beautiful animals!
He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river,he
heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.


He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot
grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on
him..


He looked over his shoulder again, & the
bear was even closer.


He tripped & fell on the ground.


He rolled over to pick himself up but
saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his
left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.


At that instant the atheist cried out,
'Oh my God!'

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.


As a bright light shone upon the man, a
voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these
years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic
accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this
predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the
light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me
as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?


'Very well,' said the voice.


The light went out. The sounds of the
forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws
together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about
to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'