MilitaryTitbits

> Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
> After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the
> window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
> "Admiral , United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
>
>
> After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight
> lipped smile, " Admiral , United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two
> sons, both Judges."
>
> After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce
> himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Gunnery Sergeant,
> United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
> back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
> colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he
> pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him
> the keys, "Yours is"
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting
> at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
> position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to
> enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
> afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for
> your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed
> the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important,
> sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure,
> buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it
> again! Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? A: He'll
> tell you.
>
> Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? A: God doesn't
> think he's a fighter pilot.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> An Air Force chief master sergeant and a general were sitting in the
> barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
> the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The
> general shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've
> been in a whorehouse!" The sergeant turned to his barber and said, "Go
> ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a
> whorehouse smells like."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> "Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to the bewildered seaman, "I
> suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for
> me to die so you can come and pee on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the
> seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in
> line again!"
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> I REALLY LIKE THIS ONE!!
>
> The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
> Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
>
> "You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
> sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France
> previously. "Zen, you should know enough to have your passport ready for
> inspection."
>
> The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
> "Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival
> in France !"
>
> The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
> explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach in '44 I couldn't find
> any Frenchmen to show it to.