Why We Love Children

> >>1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
> >>dead.
> >>
> >>
> >>"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
> >>
> >>"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
> >>innocently.
> >>
> >>You did WHAT ???" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
> >>
> >>"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
> >>didn't move."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
> >>
> >>
> >>Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
> >>
> >>"What?"
> >>
> >>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
> >>
> >>"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
> >>
> >>Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
> >>
> >>"WHAT?"
> >>
> >>"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
> >>
> >>I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
> >>
> >>Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
> >>
> >>"WHAT!"
> >>
> >>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
> >>finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
> >>
> >>The boy thought it over and said,
> >>"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
> >>until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
> >>
> >>A mother was tucking her son into bed.
> >>She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
> >>voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
> >>
> >>The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
> >>"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
> >>
> >>A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> >>"The big sissy."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
> >>children's sermon
> >>
> >>All the children were invited to come forward.
> >>One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
> >>down, the pastor leaned over and said,
> >>
> >>"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
> >>
> >>The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
> >>"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
> >>
> >>came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
> >>
> >>the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
> >>
> >>I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
> >>
> >>
> >>"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
> >>
> >>
> >>"Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
> >>
> >>Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
> >>
> >>His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
> >>
> >>The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
> >>
> >>"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
> >>
> >>"Yes," he answered.
> >>
> >>Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
> >>teaching my son in math?"
> >>
> >>The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
> >>
> >>The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the
> >>son of a bitch is four?"
> >>
> >>After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
> >>was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
> >>Little to her class.
> >>
> >>She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn
> >>the farmer.
> >>She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
> >>"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
> >>
> >>The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
> >>farmer said?"
> >>
> >>One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit!
> >>A talking chicken!'"
> >>
> >>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
> >>
> >>"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
> >>
> >>Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
> >>
> >>
> >>The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr.
> >>Sugarbrown's daughter?"
> >>
> >>She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
> >>boys?"
> >>
> >>Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too
> >>rough."
> >>
> >>The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can
> >>find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
> >>
> >>She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
> >>eating a snack cake ... The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're
> >>gonna get Hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna
> >>get boobs too."
> >>
> >>
> >>Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!
> >>