MANAGEMENT TIPS DURING HARD TIMES

Dear staff, the management has decided that we should do all we can to
reduce cost and improve productivity. would appreciate it if all of us
could adhere to the guidelines with immediate effect. thank you for
your cooperation.

1. sickness
no excuse. the company will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as
proof. if you are able to go to a doctor, you are able to attend
work.

2. death (your own)
this will be accepted as an excuse. we would like two week's notice
since we feel that it is your duty to train someone for your job.

3. death (other than your own)
this is no excuse. there is nothing you can do for them and henceforth
no time will be allowed for funerals. however, in case of hardships,
the company has a special scheme, in conjunction with the local
cemetery, for lunch-time burials, thus ensuring that no time is lost
from work.

4. leave of absence for an operation
henceforth, no time off will be allowed for an operation. the company
believes that as long as you are an employee, you will need all of
whatever you already have and will not consider having any of it
removed. we have engaged you for a particular job, with all of your
parts, and to have anything removed would mean that the company is
getting less than it is contracted for.

5. visit to the toilet
far too much time on this particular practice. in future, all staff go
in alphabetical order. all surnames beginning with "A" will go from
9.45 to 10.00. those beginning with "B" will go from 10.05 to 10.15
and so on. anyone unable to go at the appropriate time will have to
wait until the following day for their turn to come around.

best regards.

CEO
XYZ BHD

source: Accountants Today February 2007 (a monthly publication of the
Malaysian Institute of Accountants)